SORRY THE MATCH IS OFF

Printed in the (re-arranged) Southern League Midland Division match v Chesham United Tuesday 2nd March 2010. We lost 3-1 in front of 286.

There’s only one possible subject for this programme and it’s the weather. Infact weather you will be reading this at all is pretty unlikely with the Siberian freeze set to continue and the Chesham home game probably off. Still, we all love to talk about the weather – too hot, too cold, to wet, to dry – but the last few weeks have given everyone, especially the 24 hour news channels, something to really get their teeth chattering mouths into.
Then it’s the who is to blame game. Residents moan that the council haven’t spent millions on snowmobiles and gritting small roads (these people will also be the first to complain that all of that will add to their council tax bills). My advice to them is to shut up, grab a shovel and brush and clear your paths and do your elderly neighbours while you’re at it.
The same old dreary business leaders complain that people aren’t risking life and limb to get to work and that millions is being lost on the economy although I’m pretty sure sales of wellies, salt, shovels and hot chocolate have rocketed.
Still, the species of humans I am most concerned with is the football supporter. When Premiership matches are called off you know it’s bad and like many other fellow suffers I have been like a junkie, looking for my football fix.
For the Marlow home game I had already travelled to Slough to do some errands for my dad. Just before midday the inevitable happened and I was told the game was off.
Not to be beaten me and Gary Big Lens headed to Horsham where we were told there would be a late pitch inspection. We got as far as the turnstiles, when a steward informed everyone the game was off. What’s worse is that these festive matches will often see the biggest crowds of the season, as people finally snap and need to escape the family home.
Last weekend was even worse. A blanket of snow and ice engulfed the whole country and every non league game was off apart from St.Stephens Borough in the Cornish League. A bit too far too travel even for me. People began to starve in the homes and eat the larger members of their families. Actually worse than having to eat Fat Cyril was finding myself shopping on a Saturday. While Club Shop Sue said her house had never been so clean, I was fighting in the aisles singing ‘you don’t know what you’re buying.’
Still, if you think it’s bad now, what about the freezing winter of 1963. The football season had to be extended by a month, the game between Airdrie and Stranraer was postponed a record 33 times and Halifax Town flooded their pitch then charged people to ice skate on it!
Actually one of the only real sane things I have heard was from an Inuit student living in London. The weather gets so bad in Greenland you know it will cause disruption. She was laughing about how we complain when buses are 10 minutes late, and said they start to worry after delays of 10 hours! As I sat in my work shed putting wood in the burner and drinking tea I thought of those words and knew that apart from bashing snow off the fruit cage there wasn’t any work I could do and that the world wouldn’t collapse because I couldn’t dig out any parsnips. Might as well just enjoy the winter wonderland and keep my frozen fingers crossed that I will see Slough play sometime this month.