MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED

Printed in the last Southern Premier League game of the season v Royston Town Saturday 28^th April 2018. We won 2-1 in front of 759 finishing third with 99 points and 111 goals scored!

 

For those mathematically challenged like myself the past few weeks and have been a play off permutations headache, trying to work out who we might play and have we got any chance of a home draw.

Fair play to Hereford who are out of the equation and do what all champions do and grind out results and last minute goals (sorry for bringing that up). Still, at least I don't have to worry about going there for a while incognito after my Benny Hill escapades with various stewards earlier in the season. I don't really want Kettering away cos you can't actually see if there are more than 8 people at the ground and where big games bring out friendly locals who like to offer knuckle sandwiches for free. How they must pine for the splendid old Rockingham Road now reduced to dust thanks to the vanity of another boom and bust chairman. I hope they get a ground back in town soon.

This is one tough league and the teams in the play-offs are all worthy of being in a higher division. A couple of seasons back Poole Town got promoted with 93 points – we have 96 and a win today would take us to 99! We've just won an incredible seven away games on the bounce and are 19 points of our nearest rivals, who just happen to be Royston Town. What's more the run of form means we are now in third place. That's some achievement for any team, let alone part-time ones. It wasn't so long ago that sponsoring Slough per goal used to cost you about 6 pence, now some people have had to re-mortgage their houses as we easily smashed 100 goals a season.

If we don't go up it looks like we will be in the new Southern League westwards section, welcoming Salisbury and Taunton Town. The next time I go to Taunton I will remember that drinking a Christmas bottle of Baileys before the game isn't big or clever but very, very sickly. If we do go up, I will be more than slightly peeved that the two nearest clubs to me in the Conference South have been relegated. One so near I could walk there in 15 minutes.

The football season is perfectly timed for my job, where I rush back and forth watering plants and look after caterpillar ravaged Brussels sprouts and fight with giant, ravenous slugs. Oh how I hate those gardening programmes that show you perfection cos they've got full time experts working round the clock to make them pristine. Gardening ain't like that!

What ever happens, its good to see after a stern telling off by Headmasters Bakes and Unders we have are finally flexing our vocal chords. See you in the play offs – wherever that may be and don't forget to make some noise for Bakes and Unders boys, cos its a lot more fun when we do. 

 

* I'm sure all Slough fans will join me in giving very best wishes to John Tebbit who due to illness can sadly no longer write for the programme. John first contributed 48 years ago in 1970 and his amazing enthusiasm and memories have graced these pages ever since. John played for Old Pauldians and almost played for Slough after the war – but didn't have any boots with him! Get well soon John. 

 

* While you're all watching England once again fluff their World Cup lines, remember that clubs like Slough cannot function without volunteers. It's the usual suspects who help with the turnstiles, bar, selling programmes and raffle tickets. If you don't fancy that, maybe you could write the occasional article for the programme. If you need inspiration or a ' if-he-can-do-it-i-bloody-well-can' bit of motivation my 12 years backlog catalogue is available at http://sloughtownsoapbox.blogspot.co.uk/