YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS

Published in the National League South game v Billericay Town on Saturday 12th October. Non League Day.  We won 3-1 in front of 1115

It's what FA Cup dreams are made of. A local derby. Village side managed by former player at home against a team three leagues higher. On a sloping pitch. But would it be full of banana skins?

I hadn't watched Slough play at Flackwell Heath since 1979. I remember snow, the ref asking for a replacement whistle after his pea fell out and a stonking crowd of 800 – boosted by the fact that all other local games were off - squashed into Wilkes Park to see us win in the Berks and Bucks Cup.

But today was the beginning of the Slough Town FA Cup adventure, on a beautifully sunny late September, a venture that has seen us reach the Second Round proper in the previous two seasons; like the previous rounds are somehow improper. Could we finally get the Third Round monkey off our back, or would we continue with the unwelcome accolade of the team who has reached the Second Round the most times without ever progressing to the Third?

Flackwell had already played three away games and a Tuesday night replay to get to this point, beating Oxhey Jets, Newport Pagnell Town and Sutton Athletic, earning over £10,000 in prize money to boot. Lose in any of the qualifying rounds and you now receive some cash, giving the FA Cup not just prestige but a real money spinner for clubs lower down the pryamid pecking order.

I was going to get the train to Flackwell until someone pointed out that the station had been closed since 1970. So I was Bourne End bound to meet up with the Rebel Rabble in Slough fan Carl and his missus Kim's Keg Bar. Opened in a former hairdressers The Keg Bar is a micropub, which according to The Micropub Association is defined as “a small freehouse which listens to its customers, mainly serves cask ales, promotes conversation, shuns all forms of electronic entertainment and dabbles in traditional pub snacks". The first one opened in a former butchers shop in Herne, Kent in 2005 and with so many traditional pubs closing, micropubs are a beer success story. A friend opened one in Shoreham in an old pet shop that had originally been a pub that had shut 100 years earlier! The Door Hinge opposite Welling's ground, bans mobile phones and larger and when I went to use the loo thought I had walked into someones front room as I disturbed a couple sat on a settee. When I found myself wandering round Newcastle recently, I came across one on an industrial estate. With lower overheads than a pub, it's no surprise there are hundreds with more opening every week. 

 

The Keg Bar is a great little boozer but it was time to taxi to Flackwell Heath, where a crowd of 484 gathered ready for some cup action. Flackwell averaged 73 last season in the league (with a total of 1,757 all season) and these Cup games give a real sense of occasion. They fired up the BBQ, the publicity and when the circus rolls out of town, you hope they have managed to hook a few new fans into supporting their local club.

Flackwell Heath are ambitious but not stupid. When they won the Hellenic League in 2014-15 they were set to be promoted to Division One Central of the Southern League. However, after Clevedon Town were demoted, they were provisionally placed in Division One South & West and subsequently declined promotion due to the doubling of travelling costs.

In the opening half Slough supporter Mick Carter took one for the team. Ben Harris was either jealous of us drinking or felt Mick had had enough as his dipping shot hit his pint clean out of his hand and the lenses out of his glasses. Luckily we hadn't drunk the Heathens bar dry just yet as Mick muttered something about having a word with Ben's dad as he sloped off for a refill.

Flackwells defending was resolute, but Slough finally got the first goal in the 36^th minute with Ben Harris finding the net rather than Micks fresh pint. From then on, Slough were always in control. There would be no bananas or being splashed on the front page of the Non League Paper. It ended 3-0 Slough. Job done.

Next up Chippenham Town away.