PARKLIFE

Published in the National League South game v Welling United Saturday 17^th October.  We drew 4-4 after two injury time goals in front of no one except

the disinfectant officers.

I spent last weekend watching park football, although unfortunately none of it at Arbour Park.

I went to see Southwick play Stedham United in the Sussex County Cup, then off to Little Common in Bexhill to watch my eldest narrowly lose in his Under 15s game.

While this was happening the top teams in the Premier League were acting like any moneylender; offering cash but with strings. Project Big Picture written to favour, would you believe, the Big Six clubs. A deal so bad even the government have told them to stop taking advantage of the pandemic while they hand over another £100 million to a pest control company. They will give cash to the lower leagues as long as they can never lose a game of football ever again, or something like that.

Meanwhile in another footballing universe, Southwick took the lead. The Wickers were relegated two divisions for trying to do the right thing, and were then thrown out of their ground by their council landlords who had let the place fall apart. They have got together with a football foundation to submit plans to go back home apparently with an all singing and dancing 3G pitch. Its the non-league no-brain future. Artificial Arbour Park is home to so many teams its in danger of breaking social distancing rules. I get the Southwick fan saying he loved the smell of grass and mud, but its hard to play football on bobbles, divots and dogshit.

At Little Common their pint size ground isn’t good enough for the first team to play in the Southern Combination and so they have spent the past 4 seasons away in Eastbourne (like Eastbourne really needs another non league club). The guy serving teas in the clubhouse said they had permission to enclose the ground and build a new stand to satisfy the ground grading Gestapo and should be moving back next season.

While Southwick ran out 5-1 winners, my twitter feed was going into meltdown. Brighton supporters with Sky, BT and Amazon subscriptions and season tickets they can’t use, have been told by the chief executive to stop expecting things for free and cough up nearly £15 per game if its not on those channels. This is the same man who doesn’t believe in a salary cap. He’s like the cornershop owner trying to keep up with the supermarket mafia until they trample all over his business model – a model suffering not because fans wont pay out but because of eye watering transfer fees and wages.

In the middle of a pandemic the Premier League have spent £1.2 billion between them on bringing in new recruits. I'm not sure my £15 to watch Brighton v West Brom in an empty stadium will really touch the sides.

As football journalist Henry Winter said “If you're really panicking about the amount of money you’re losing – and we all accept those numbers are significant – why not get together and agree a maximum spend in the last window rather paying £27m for a defender from Saint-Etienne, sticking him in the reserves and sacking the bloke who wears a dinosaur costume and is loved by the club’s supporters?”

Even this isn’t enough for Manchester City whose chief executive was acting like the fat bloke stuffing his face with doughnuts while telling everyone they should watch their figures. But here he was, lecturing football league clubs on how they need to be sustainable while Manchester City have guzzled billions of cash. You see, the solution is for B teams to be part of the football league. Forget that the EFL Cup that allows B teams has set all number of records for lowest ever attendances or that in Europe Barcelona B are the best supported managing an average of just 1,400, while Bayern Munich B get less than Sloughs average gate.

To be honest, I’m not really bothered if I never set foot in the Amex again. I always hope that people get sick of being ripped off and go and support their local lower league club instead.

Unless the government intervene and set the rules the top clubs will carry on demanding they are treated like Kings while the rest fight for ever decreasing scraps off their tables and some break the bank trying to join an elite club that will never admit them.

Me? I’d rather watch football in a park.