BIN-DALOO

Printed in the National League South game v Ebbsfleet United Saturday October 2021. We lost 3-1 in front of 757

I never thought I’d see the day when they would be rationing football but here we are with midweek lower league matches called off because of a lack of petrol. At the Albion game there wasn’t enough staff to serve the half time pies. Food is rotting in the fields cos there’s no one to pick it, and even if its ready to harvest there’s no drivers to collect and deliver. Gas prices are going through the roof and so is food. Now we are calling in the army to help. No doubt we will soon all be cycling to games and paying pounds, shillings and pence to get in.

Still, I was getting the train to Hungerford; no petrol shortage was going to stop me. Except there’s a shortage of train drivers meaning my next two trains were cancelled. As I waited in Gatwick I thought I’d treat myself to a fry-up – but of course its a covid ghost town with only an egg sandwich from Boots on offer. My oven-ready away day wasn’t quite going to plan.

Hungerford might be in the same county as Slough but it couldn’t be a more contrasting Berkshire if it tried. It’s bloody miles away for starters. Mark and Kieran Wonder-Wall found themselves in a teahouse cos the pubs weren’t open till 12 while the Brown Boys went antique shopping. The accent is more west country and the place is surrounded by forests.

The old timer in the Hungerford boozer didn’t believe we were short of drivers; maybe it will be a lack of beer in the pubs that will convince him. Or maybe he was still smarting from being in the Hungerford team that Slough thrashed 14-1 in the Amateur trophy in 1964.

With a population of just a few thousand Hungerford are seriously punching above their National League weight and yet always seem to be competitive and get one over on us. Their friendly hard working chairman greeted everyone at the gate where they had an impressive amount of deals to entice people in. I went for the £20 ticket which got me entry, a programme, a meal and a drink. This is the sort of marketing Slough were doing pre pandemic and I think if we want to find ways of attracting more fans to Arbour Park then £15 for our game against Whitehawk in the FA Cup was not the answer. Less than 400 of us turned up, and most wished we hadn’t. So i'm pleased we are using the international mini break to entice season ticket holders from other clubs. But we also need to entice people who don’t have a strong affiliation with anyone. Maybe a free can of petrol when you bring your family?

Away games bring out the best in fans whose long thirsty journeys loosen vocal chords, and the Rebel Rabble were in fine voice but needed something in the second half to take it to the next level. Unable to locate a brass band we turned to the trusty old wheelie bin to help us reach fever pitch.

Now Slough supporters love giving bins a good going over, which isn’t surprising really as the wheelie bin was a Slough invention. Yes, that’s right another claim to fame for the town that gave the world Mars Bars, Snooker, Zebra Crossings and Thunderbirds. OK it might not be as ground breaking as astronomer William Herschel, who set up a telescope in his Slough back garden and discovered Uranus. Still refuse collectors up and down the country owe Frank Rotherham Mouldings a beer. It was in their factory in 1968 where bins with wheels where used to transport waste from one corner of the factory to another. A visiting Health and Safety Inspector realised their potential and how they could stop the back injuries so many suffered from hoisting those heavy metal bins on their backs. It took until the late 1980’s to really catch on, when refuse collection lorries came into existence and could automatically pick up and empty them.

Deano reckons there’s a marketing gimmick to be had and I think he’s onto something. So what about Wheelie bin Rebels t-shirts or even wheelie rebel ear-rings. And how one Slough Town shrink wrapped for home games like some Dusty Bin mascot?

As a former drummer in a variety of terrible bands, I’ve got a history of hitting bongos, pots, pans and oil drums. Yes that’s right, one of our old bands specialised in bashing old oil drums with metal poles, making music that wasn’t to everyones taste. It earnt us our name ‘Urgh, Leave it Out’ when the landlord of the old Prince of Wales cupped his hands to his ears and told us to pack up and go mid gig. We used to pop down to Chalvey Tip for dole-days-out to collect old pieces of metal to jazz up our sound. Unfortunately we lost a lot of our kit when we took if to the Wapping picket line protesting against the print workers mass sacking by the Sun newspaper. We thought it would get everyone dancing, but the police were not amused. We got repeatedly charged by horses followed by batons and our instruments confiscated.

Some football officials take umbrage to our bin banging. At Havant and Waterloogedville they seemed to take exemption to us making any noise at all until their chief-chief-chief-steward told the young ones to reign it in. But Peak Bin happened some years back when we were away to Winchester City. Not wanting to be outdone by some impressive young drumming lads from Winchester College I found an old blue chemical bin and some broken goalposts. It was going so musically swimmingly until a steward said it was a health and safety risk! Excuse me, but they had obviously not been watching the football we were being served up at the time which wasn’t good for any Slough fans mental health.

If the Rebels had served up a load of rubbish against Whitehawk, the Hungerford display was much more what we had come to expect. A killer goal in the last seconds of the game to make honours even was probably a bit harsh but Slough had put in a shift and as a supporter that is what you want to see. I was thankful to Matt Lench for having a full tank of petrol and giving me a lift back to Brighton. He was joining a stag do late and you realise what a time commitment it is for part time players at our level.

I then managed to get an invite to a Labour Party fringe event on the Old Steine gardens in the middle of town to finish off an eventful day. ‘The World Transformed’ said the banner at the entrance. Well this government has certaintly managed to transform it over the past few months.