ALL THE REBELS

Published in the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying round game v Worthing Saturday 18th September 2022    We lost 3-1 in front of 474

It’s not often you play a team with the same nickname as your own, so anyone attempting our numerous Rebel songs might get themselves in an FA Cup pickle. ‘Rebel, Rebel, Boing, Boing’ and the whole place will be rocking. Mind you, and no disrespect to Worthing, but I did feel slightly underwhelmed with the draw of another club in our league. Still, I suppose it wasn’t Dartford who we seem to be drawn to like moths to a flame; but the ball baggers could have at least had the decency to pick Worthing out first so I could have a short trip by train.

We could do with a cup run, not just for the cash but also the exposure you get as you pile through the rounds dreaming of the First round good and proper and the chance to take on a league club; then lose in the second round to keep up our record breaking run (eight times in the second round without winning, since you ask).

It’s the 150^th year of the FA Cup, beginning in August and ending next June, with 732 entering and a record 208 playing in the extra preliminary round. One of those was Northern League side Heaton Stannington, the nearest club to Newcastle United. Speaking to The Athletic, their club secretary Scott Lyndon said: “After the World Cup, the FA Cup is probably the most famous cup competition on the planet and it’s quite special for a club at this level to be able to say, ‘We play in that.’

Despite all its riches, football is a financial car crash but the FA Cup is one of the few ways left to throw lower league clubs a life raft. Lyndon explained what winning in the extra preliminary round meant, with clubs receiving £1,125 for a victory, £375 for the losers.

Heaton played their first cup game against Pickering Town in front of 233 spectators. “What happens is you collect all the gate receipts; out of that, you pay the referee and officials — £65 for the ref, £40 for the assistants — plus the travel of the away team — either petrol or cost of a bus hire. If it’s a night game, there’s money for the floodlights. In later rounds, if you need St John Ambulance (medical volunteers), you can take that out.

“Once you’ve done all that, you split what’s left 50-50 between the two clubs — if you’re in negative, you share the loss between the clubs. For the Pickering game, we ended up with £50 each. But, as the home club, we made our money through the bar, the snack hut, programmes, the raffle, those peripheral sales. It was a lucrative day for us.”

I’ve already had a taste of this years competition with a trip to watch Newhaven v Sheppey United in the preliminary round replay. Newhaven is a small town of around 12,000 with a working harbour and a claim to fame that Lord Lucan left his blood stained car there, never to be seen again.

They’d won their previous round replay 10-0 so we were expecting goals. A frantic end to end game that was also the first one on the Dockers new 3G pitch. This meant an endless puff of black plastic bobbles floating in the sky, as the ferry made its customary matchday appearance opposite the main stand. Sheppey who had been just been promoted to the Isthmian League eventually won, but as ever I was impressed with what’s happening at Newhaven. Growing crowds (a bumper 328 for this game) improved facilities (groundhoppers will love the old abandoned stand and seats behind the new ones), better marketing and most importantly all the youngsters with Newhaven tops. As we know 3G opens up so many possibilities with hiring out the pitch and letting all the Newhaven teams play on it.

The new pitch is thanks to money form the governments Levelling Up fund. Newhaven does need some investment and most of their high street needs levelling, which some bright spark encircled with a main road. 

Newhaven's ground is surrounded by woods, a skateboard park, Newhaven Fort and the harbour - they're can't be many grounds that have a ruddy great ferry appearing on the half way line during a game.

It’s got a lovely sandy beach that has been fenced off by the French company that runs the ferry for 14 years cos they say it isn't safe. There’s rocky pools and secret coves and the place is spacious and stunning with often just camper vans parked up. A neon lit ‘You Imagine What You Desire’ sign with the white cliff backdrop has been erected as part of an art project to face out to the Channel to refugees. If you really lucky you can swim in the sea and not get a mouthful of sewage.

So for Slough another cup run beckons – the 78^th time Slough have entered the FA Cup. We’re never going to win it, but fingers crossed for another magical cup run, starting here today. That's what I imagine and desire, and would seriously be worth some Rebel, Rebel, Boing, Boing bouncing.

* For more FACup Facts than you can shake a cup at head over to https://facupfactfile.co.uk