BATTLE OF THE BIN

 

Printed in the National League South game v Dulwich Hamlet Saturday 21st January 2023 We won 4-3 in front of 880

It was like the old days as I waited at the train station to see if the Farnborough game was on before buying a ticket.

Except it wasn’t exactly, as I kept refreshing my phone screen to see if it was going to pass the pitch inspection. Not so long ago, I’d have been trying to find 10p for the phone box to call Mr. SloughTown Chris Sliski and ask if he thought the game would be on.

Yes, we’d all love grass pitches.

Yes we all spend too much time on our phones but artificial pitches and mobiles haven’t half made things easier for lower league football fans.

And phones help stop you being humiliated in public!

Before mobiles, I was going on a mate-date, meeting at Paddington station. I did my nails, jumped the train and waited patiently only to hear my name boom out over the tannoy that the girl in question couldn’t make it. Obviously I felt that the thousands of passengers at Paddington knew it was me that had been stood up as I scuttled back to Slough.

Talking of being stood up, Taunton are having a nightmare with cup runs and waterlogged pitch postponements leading to a fixture backlog. With climate change bringing weather extremes, and football finances tighter than ever, a 3G pitch is a financial no brainer, that can be used by the whole community regularly.

Unfortunately for Taunton, it was the heavy snow and frost what did for Slough’s Saturday home game before Christmas and that toll on the road will surely tell at the end of the seasons for one of the leagues most western clubs. Infact one of the many reasons I don’t want to get relegated is that the Southern Premier is a far flung geographical nightmare.

The service from the rail companies is so poor nowadays its hard to know when there are strike days. So the governments minimum service level law to ban strikes is ironic. So what about the people waiting hours in A & E or for ambulances, or nurses and teachers leaving in droves or trains being cancelled, maintenance staff cut, all ticket stations closed. This is the ultimate end of the line for squeezing profits out of everything so the service collapses while shareholders continue to enjoy pay-outs.

Lucky for me I live in Brighton where the bus services are decent if expensive. So I jumped on the bus to Tunbridge for a pleasant tour of Sussex villages courtesy of my monthly work pass. A few more stops and I was in Tonbridge admiring their crumbly castle and historical facts plastered on shop doors but upset that the Angels no longer play in the town centre which should be a football law.

Slough’s slide towards the relegation spaces has halted, and Scott Davies has injected something into the Slough players, its like we are on speed. Yeah we’re conceding but 2-0 down against Oxford with 10 minutes to go and we grab a point. 3-0 at Tonbridge with 40 minutes to go and we grab a point. It’s certainly entertaining if a little hard on the heart.

Hopefully this will bring some of our supporters back as crowds continue to plummet. For the same fixture against the same opponents on the same day but one year apart we are nearly 500 down against Oxford City on New Years Day. That’s worrying for finances and the future of the club and we need some cost of living busting ideas. So how about NonLeague Day being a pay-what-you-feel highly advertised game to attract some new people, entice back the old and try and get all them hooked. Maybe we can go 4-0 down for some Merthyr memorability magic.

Slough is a friendly place and our fans have a laugh without being pious or pillocks. Still try telling that to the Tonbridge stewards who should take a bow as this seasons current biggest plonkers. All dressed up like wanna be cops, they are the bouncers that create the problem they are meant to be there to stop. Which I suppose is job creation. But what a bunch of knobs. I mean I get it, no one wants to see a defenceless wheelie bin being ferociously beaten by sticks until it bellows for its life but their defence for a rubbish bin was really quite touching.

The usual flannel was wheeled out. It’s against the rules. Like, literally there is no rule in the world that says – ‘wheelie bins cannot be hit.’ You might break it. It’s a health and safety hazard. Add to this the delicate little souls couldn’t handle chants or being asked if they get paid or volunteer to keep the peace. And the Tonbridge Arseholes had one last petty rule – not letting Slough fans use the loo in the bar at the end of the game. It’s time clubs reviewed their stewards behaviour and got rid, like they would if players acted the same.

Look, I get some clubs are hand tied by their local councils, who instead of telling anti social moaning gits who move next to football grounds then complain about the noise to bugger off, place restrictions on clubs. Is this why Farnborough don’t allow unlicensed musical instruments? I didn’t know I needed a certificate to shake my tambourine.

And next time I go to Tonbridge, i'm going dressed as a one-man-band.