ANOTHER SEASON IN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE SOUTH

 

To be printed in the National League South game v Torquay United Saturday 11th April 2026

It was the point that just about mathematically cemented another season in the National League South – and as an added bonus put a dent in our nearest and dearest rivals play off hopes. Who doesn’t love a 98 minute equaliser, after being two down then a mass brawl as they beers and songs flowed. ‘No one likes to see those scenes’ as 2 million viewed them on social media.

Now it’s time to start looking at next seasons line up. I wont shed any tears for losing Chippenham or Bath but Eastbourne? That’s just rude. And Enfield. I’ve always had a soft spot for the first football owned club in the country. They should have saddled themselves with hundreds of thousands worth of debt and they might have survived.

Folkestone are on their way which could be an away weekend. Walton and Hersham is near but play in a stadium that I’ve not heard glowing reports about. Hopefully it will be more fun than the last time I went to Hersham. I got totally lost in the pouring rain one Tuesday evening trying to find their old Stompond Road ground. This was a world before phones and it seemed anyone on the streets who I could ask for directions. I arrived just before half time starving and soaked. I could only get a burger bun with onions and cheese - then the game got called off before the second half started. I sat freezing waiting for the train back home questioning my sanity after seeing no football but feeling like I'd wet my pants.

I wanted Farnborough relegated until we visited the other weekend; the friendliest club in the world; cheap to get in and no doubt in a gesture to placate their disgruntled fans a free pint when you bought two. As you would expect the Rebel Rabble made sure they also enjoyed this offer and the place was packed with noisy, inebriated Slough in their impressive stadium.

No one would ever wish to go to Chelmsford again – and now its an even worse offer with segregation. They’ve always had some muppet supporters – in Sloughs worst ever season they beat us 5-0 - but still their former Canvey Island King manager abused us. Then as we left some toothless grinning idiot threatened me and Nigel, who politely reminded him after another Slough Town thrashing there really wasn’t any need for more unpleasantness. If only Nigel had bought his shaving foam, we could have given him a short back and sides. Still Deano decided to spend his birthday there with 40 other hardy Slough supporters and still a few of their dickhead fans tried to kick off. Fair play to their club for apologising and banning two of them. Mind you that incident got us segregated at Ebbsfleet, which is another nice ground but still think the name Gravesend and Northfleet United should have had a preservation order on it. They were all good as gold apart from confiscating Nigel's shaving foam, although he managed to sneak in his scat-a-cat. Then they had to spoil their hospitality with two late goals to win it but hats off to the club for saving the local pub by buying it.

Selfishly I don’t want Worthing to go up, Dorking you can have a lovely historic drink but its a terrible stand for away fans. Torquay you can stay, cos its nice to be beside the seaside. Although not so kiss-me-quick fun paying £22 to get in.

So who else will be joining us? I’ve never been to Farnham. I like their owners honesty when it comes to revenue streams and trying out new ideas to attract punters; although having a big budget and winning most of your games is probably the one that gets people through the turnstiles. Berkhamsted has a lovely pub by the canal. We could sack off the coach and all go by barge. You can make some ceramics at Poole. I’ve never been to Brentwood but you can keep Billericay. Could Burgess Hill sneak in? Would make up for Eastbourne a bit, although I wouldn’t recommend a holiday there.

So whose coming down? It’s back to Cornwall to play Truro. And the long, winding train to Braintree. I reckon stick both of them in the North for a laugh and move Merthyr to the South so I can get my teeth stuck into some proper Welsh cakes. How about Eastleigh? We haven’t been there for years and they have certainty spruced up the place. You can even do some plane spotting if Heathrow doesn’t satisfy your aviation needs.

Still the minor miracle is that little old Slough have done it again. Against all the odds, against half the teams being full time and spending a fortune trying to escape (which I suppose Eastbourne Borough have managed, just not the way they had hoped). On small crowds, young players, players being constantly poached and community activities through the roof we’ve had another season to be proud of.

And I mean, who doesn’t want to come and visit sunny old Slough?