DONKEY RIDING

 

Printed in the National League South game v Aveley Saturday 5th April 2025 We won 3-0 in front of 751  

Football is a welcome distraction in a world full of tyrants and people who only seem to want to inflict misery on us all. A bit of fun which we’ve had in bucketfuls supporting Slough Town over the past few weeks; even two poor away performances couldn’t dampen the spirits. Well, they did a bit, but hey ho.

Still, what a day at Hornchurch. It started with an Upminster pub crawl where Doable Dave recalled his pooh sticks experiment in the Bath City men's urinals, where the loos are so ancient they’ve got a National Trust protection order. His stick floated through the men's to the ladies loos and into, well I dread to think where, knowing how much has been invested in our sewage systems. That was apparently as exciting as the Bath game got. We then met some Tamworth fans in another uncomfortable Taproom where I needed a step ladder to get onto the chairs. They moaned about the National League because of the lack of real ales in nearby neighbourhoods and had taken a detour to drink some flat liquid that contained centipede legs and eye of newt sprinkled with essence of arsenic. I’m not sure what I ordered, but I think I found where Dave’s pooh stick ended up. Mind you, the Brown Boys did enjoy the Great Wall of Cider while Gaz got given a dog bowl. Meanwhile, at the ground Andy the Map had led half the away support to a housing estate rather than a watering hole because, well he had his map upside down. At half time you had to call a cab to get to the bar as it was so far away and at 2-1 down after 45 minutes, you couldn’t help think - here we go again. But finally, finally, we won away and the Slough supporters partied like, well like we hadn’t won away for four months.

Non League Day was fun with bells on and somehow it felt even more special this time round; so many deals across the country – crowds up 12% since last year with a total attendance in Steps 1-4 of nearly 150,000. It was no different at Arbour Park. Bumper crowd, queues at the turnstiles, youngsters everywhere and a brilliant turn out from Enfield Town supporters who most Slough fans agreed would like them to say up. Deano had been on the piste skiing and missed the fun at Hornchurch but was back in time for his debut in the dugout with his Supporters Trust sidekick Richard, becoming co-assistant managers for the day. Let’s just say ‘You’re getting sacked in the morning’ before a ball had even been kicked was probably the most polite chant they got all game. Hopefully we raised lots of money for Thames Hospice along with another precious point towards safety.

Weymouth should be given an extra 10 points at the beginning of the season, just cos its such a great place to visit. Although I suppose on that logic Canvey Island would be relegated before a ball was even kicked. Bars, beach, a harbour and more bars, and it always seems sunny– you can even ride on a donkey if you’re that way inclined. And I’m not sure if Mitch, Caz, a freshly shaven Cameron and the gang are still in some nightclub enjoying 90’s songs on repeat.

Pre match we danced with the mascot and the DJ played ParkLife. The write up of the game said our ‘raucous following deserved a far better showing’ because, well the least said about the football the better.

The first time Slough played in Weymouth, Keiran WonderWall proposed to my missus on the beach, while I was fetching ice creams for the kids. Infact Weymouth away should have been one of those Kieran adventures. As we belted out his song with one of his daughters at the Farnborough home game, Siobhan Wall then played a post match set in the main bar. As I legged it back to Brighton I still had his song ringing in my ears.

So ditch that Premier League habit, it’s full of delusional everyones-out-to-get-us top six conspiracy theorists, dodgy owners that would make the Krays blush, and sit down/shut up stewarding– and all this jazz will cost you a fortune. Instead why not join the Rebel Rabble for some adventures of a lifetime, where you wake up on a Sunday morning still smiling. Or clinging onto a donkey for dear life.