WESTWARD HO!

 

Printed in the National League South game v Chippenham Town Saturday 17th February 2024   We drew 2-2 in front of 906

Slough supporters have been spending so much time heading west this season, we are starting to develop accents and humming along to The Wurzels.

Nearly twenty years ago we did spend a few seasons in the Southern League South and West. I lost my big rattle in Bridgewater, nearly got Sue thrown out at Winchester and jumped on the train then supporters coach getting halfway down the M4 when one game was called off en route. I ended up watching Lewes – just 8 miles from my house - after five hours of travelling! I also remember driving past Cheltenham's ground who we used to play, to the nearby village of Bishops Cleeve where more sheep than fans saw us lose. In one of those South & West seasons we should have been relegated to County League football for the first time ever, but got a reprieve. Those were the days eh.

I could see why Rishi Washy wants to make maths compulsory – he must have tried to buy a train ticket online and realised its impossible to work out. Or maybe my confusion was because I couldn’t believe they wanted £91 one way to Torquay. The helpful ticket office lady said trains were even worse in Romania which was comforting but probably not a marketing gimmick.

Good time to play them? Yeah why not and it was a game I couldn’t miss staying at my mums to cut journey time but still having to get the stupid o’ clock from Slough.

I hurtled towards the west, past the flooded fields, winter making way for spring with cherry plum blossom and primroses replacing the snowdrops. The country changes as you leave Exeter – the topography, the houses, the feel of the place. I love the train skirting along the sea in-between Dawlish. So picturesque but a risky route in a storm.

Talking of flooded fields, Truro decided the best way to extend their season was to groundshare at Taunton who are skint and under a transfer embargo. I’m not sure this will benefit anyone – apart from relegation rivals – and its particularly annoying for those of us who had planned a weekend in Plymouth. Apparently Plymouth Parkways ground was wet, but blimey talk about out of the fire and into the duck pond (Oh and there ‘home’ game against Eastbourne was already off because of a you-know-what pitch).

As you approach Torquay and step out of the train station and its genteel surrounds you think it must take some effort to get the hump living round here, but things are toxic at Torquay United. Mind you, the most I got to see of the English Riviera was 5 minutes by the Grand roundabout before I was whisked off by Caz and Mitch for a breakfast then into the pub opposite not far from the ground.

I know Torquay fans don’t want to be sharing the same pitch as Slough but here we are. Their social media is a toxic but an entertaining read. As one put - ‘we used to be playing Sheffield Wednesday now we are playing Slough.’ I didn’t particularly like going to AFC Hayes or Bishops Cleeve or other village sides where if you criticised their facilities some smartarse would reply – ‘at least we have a ground’ which was a fair point. At the time all we could mutter was it was a miracle we still had a football club. But I don’t remember us moaning that we had a God given right to be in any league.

It’s fair to say the Torquay owners and managers aren’t very popular. Their fans are revolting, there’s protests every week – so obviously the best way to hand out an olive branch is to ban unaccompanied minors and flags that haven’t had a fire check. Although I’m pretty sure the ‘Gary Out’ bedsheet being passed around by their supporters didn’t have the required certificate. Crowds are seriously down (although there was still 1,700 in attendance). The pitch is a bog and they keep losing. Still, they thought it was fine to charge away fans £22.

But what a game we were served up – coming from behind 3 times against full time opposition – what’s not to like. Well apart from the fact that if you celebrated too much you might have tumbled down the steep seated terraces. Afterwards I drank in their fans after match bile on social media. ‘Just can’t match the fitness levels of these part time regional teams. Absolutely shocking’ was one of the more printable ones.

In fairness, every Torquay supporter we spoke was good as gold – but they are where they are and the club have got to act like a National League South side cos I can’t see them even reaching the play offs let alone winning them.

As for me, after a mammoth 17 hour day the majority of it spent travelling, I crawled into bed hallucinating on the lack of sleep – but thankful for being sped home by the McNeishs and the Elizabeth Line.

In Ruben Clarks brilliant new book ‘Winner Stays On’ that follows each round of the FA Cup, he paraphrases a quote that perfectly sums up following a football team. ‘It's entertainment, but it isn’t like going to the cinema or going out for a meal. You don’t know what you are going to get. You are risking having the worst day of your life for a chance at having the best day.’

I know what sort of day Slough fans were having in Devon. Made all the more sweeter for the years when it wasn’t such a footballing laugh. As Ian Lathey put it on twitter ‘When we were struggling at Step 4 in front of 200 people at Beaconsfield I never imagined a day like this possible. Taking over 100 fans and winning at a club like Torquay.’

Maybe I’m being greedy but all I ask is that the Football fixture computer be a bit kinder next season and give us a late summer trip so we can bask not just on the terraces but also on the beach. After what we had to go through for so long, to get to where we are now; well it would be the sunburnt icing on the cake.