YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS

Published in the National League South game v Billericay Town on Saturday 12th October. Non League Day.  We won 3-1 in front of 1115

It's what FA Cup dreams are made of. A local derby. Village side managed by former player at home against a team three leagues higher. On a sloping pitch. But would it be full of banana skins?

I hadn't watched Slough play at Flackwell Heath since 1979. I remember snow, the ref asking for a replacement whistle after his pea fell out and a stonking crowd of 800 – boosted by the fact that all other local games were off - squashed into Wilkes Park to see us win in the Berks and Bucks Cup.

But today was the beginning of the Slough Town FA Cup adventure, on a beautifully sunny late September, a venture that has seen us reach the Second Round proper in the previous two seasons; like the previous rounds are somehow improper. Could we finally get the Third Round monkey off our back, or would we continue with the unwelcome accolade of the team who has reached the Second Round the most times without ever progressing to the Third?

Flackwell had already played three away games and a Tuesday night replay to get to this point, beating Oxhey Jets, Newport Pagnell Town and Sutton Athletic, earning over £10,000 in prize money to boot. Lose in any of the qualifying rounds and you now receive some cash, giving the FA Cup not just prestige but a real money spinner for clubs lower down the pryamid pecking order.

I was going to get the train to Flackwell until someone pointed out that the station had been closed since 1970. So I was Bourne End bound to meet up with the Rebel Rabble in Slough fan Carl and his missus Kim's Keg Bar. Opened in a former hairdressers The Keg Bar is a micropub, which according to The Micropub Association is defined as “a small freehouse which listens to its customers, mainly serves cask ales, promotes conversation, shuns all forms of electronic entertainment and dabbles in traditional pub snacks". The first one opened in a former butchers shop in Herne, Kent in 2005 and with so many traditional pubs closing, micropubs are a beer success story. A friend opened one in Shoreham in an old pet shop that had originally been a pub that had shut 100 years earlier! The Door Hinge opposite Welling's ground, bans mobile phones and larger and when I went to use the loo thought I had walked into someones front room as I disturbed a couple sat on a settee. When I found myself wandering round Newcastle recently, I came across one on an industrial estate. With lower overheads than a pub, it's no surprise there are hundreds with more opening every week. 

 

The Keg Bar is a great little boozer but it was time to taxi to Flackwell Heath, where a crowd of 484 gathered ready for some cup action. Flackwell averaged 73 last season in the league (with a total of 1,757 all season) and these Cup games give a real sense of occasion. They fired up the BBQ, the publicity and when the circus rolls out of town, you hope they have managed to hook a few new fans into supporting their local club.

Flackwell Heath are ambitious but not stupid. When they won the Hellenic League in 2014-15 they were set to be promoted to Division One Central of the Southern League. However, after Clevedon Town were demoted, they were provisionally placed in Division One South & West and subsequently declined promotion due to the doubling of travelling costs.

In the opening half Slough supporter Mick Carter took one for the team. Ben Harris was either jealous of us drinking or felt Mick had had enough as his dipping shot hit his pint clean out of his hand and the lenses out of his glasses. Luckily we hadn't drunk the Heathens bar dry just yet as Mick muttered something about having a word with Ben's dad as he sloped off for a refill.

Flackwells defending was resolute, but Slough finally got the first goal in the 36^th minute with Ben Harris finding the net rather than Micks fresh pint. From then on, Slough were always in control. There would be no bananas or being splashed on the front page of the Non League Paper. It ended 3-0 Slough. Job done.

Next up Chippenham Town away.

FREE-STYLE

Published in the National League South game V Hampton and Richmond Borough Saturday 14^th September 2019  We won 3-1 in front of 807.
 

There's nothing like scanning the fixtures at the beginning of the season and rubbing your hands with glee at a seaside trip in September; especially when it's less than half an hour away from my house on the train. The Slough hoards descended for the weekend, swapping the fumes of Slough for some bracing sea air. But while Eastbourne is my nearest game by about an hour, my mate decides to hold his stag do in Windsor. Oh how we laughed at the irony as the Eastbourne hotels put up FULL OF REBELS signs on their front doors and I jumped on the Slough coach back to my home town.

When it comes to non league football clubs, Eastbourne is just plain greedy. They have four senior teams – five if you count Little Common who currently groundshare at Eastbourne United Association while they try and get their ground up to scratch. Langley Wanderers share at Borough while Eastbourne Town are currently top tips for promotion from the Southern Combination Premier League. It's Town who used to be our old rivals when the Langley estate was just a swamp. With crowds of 200 plus, the Eastbourne Town Ultras have swelled attendances and atmosphere and work with the club on producing programmes and promotions. They even crowdfunded and built their own stand at the Saffrons so they can make a racket and leave other supporters in peace! With a ground smack bang in the middle of town I really don't think it will be too long until they are once again rivalling Borough.

After a shaky start, this Slough Town team just doesn't know when to give up or stop running, and deservedly came away with all the kiss-me-quick spoils. We danced, drank and sang while the Borough fans kept stum. Maybe they were trying to emulate the St.Albans supporters who traveled to Arbour Park in numbers but looked shell shocked at their club charging £18 a game and could only muster some polite applause when they scored a goal. Contrast that to the Hemel fans who are the best i've heard at Arbour Park and who didn't stop singing despite being outclassed on the pitch. I know our managers are ambitious but if Slough really want to start knocking on the National League door then we need to start touching a thousand on match days and we also need to start mimicking the make up of the town. It can be done. Just look at Maidenhead who used to get the same crowds as us when we were homeless at Beaconsfield and they were in the National South. 

I would take the Dulwich approach, handing out free tickets like confetti with the attitude that it was better to have hundreds of people coming in for free than empty space on the terraces. And bingo, it worked. People enjoyed what they saw and came again and now it always party time when we visit Champion Hill, although maybe that has a lot to do with a bar on every corner of the ground and 3 points every visit. 

Slough supporters have a big part to play with this and not just the match day atmosphere. With Non League Day fast approaching (Saturday October 12^th since you asked) now's our chance. I would repeat one of our former Non League Day marketing tricks and let season ticket holders bring in a couple of mates for free. Let in public sector workers for free. Give tickets to schools (I would pick a school for every home game and hand them free tickets). Give free tickets to pubs that put up Slough posters. Hunt out the taxi driver who I chatted to, who used to play for Slough reserves at Farnham Common under one of our old managers Mark Betts but has never been to the ground and give him a bundle of free tickets for him and his customers. Even if a dozen turn up, that's a dozen who wouldn't usually have come along.

I had all this to ponder as I made my way back on the Slough coach. As I met my friends we discussed why we were drinking in a pub called Henry VI (he founded Eton College) and why no ones heard of Henry VII despite him being the last king to win his throne on the battlefield. I then ended up at a Turkish restaurant watching the groom-to-be bellydancing in his DM boots and army jacket. It certainty had been a day of contrast. And of course I won't be around on Non League Day because its his wedding.