PRESS GANGED IN GRAVESEND

 

Printed in the National League South game v Havant and Waterloovile on Saturday 26th February 2022  We drew 1-1 in front of 657

Rebels on Tour adventures are not just good for the soul but also for your brain, with historical tours and cultural exchanges with the locals to compliment the 90 minutes of football. The early morning rail replacement flew past as I chatted to the guy behind the Coventry City London supporters club. It also turns out his wife wants to turn his families pub into a community run one. I know just the place for them to visit in Brighton to see how you can be more than just a pub.

Next stop was Three Daws a 15 century pub on the banks of the River Thames in Gravesend where we enjoyed lessons in drinking at an angle and tales of having to wear wellies in the beer cellar when it rains. We missed the ‘Grim Gravesend’ talk but we heard about ghosts and underground tunnels used by smugglers and for people escaping the press gangs, who regularly raided to force men to join the navy.

There used to be two clubs : Gravesend FC and Northfleet United before they merged in 1946 and i'm sure there’s one or two people who still haven’t quite got over that. I understand the reasons but I’m still disapointed Gravesend and Northfleet was ditched in favour of Ebbsfleet United. The old name invoked grainy images from some 1950’s footage, all football rattles and men in flat caps smoking fags. They’ve had some famous players as well, Roy Hodgson and Jimmy Bullard pulling on the red shirt. I even managed to see them when they were Gravesend; no not in the 1950s but in 2005 when they narrowly beat us in the FA Trophy 5th Round. They were in the top non league tier then, which meant segregating us on the open terraces in the rain with stewards watching our every move.

The name change decision is because of the regeneration of the Thames Gateway with the station becoming an international travel hub for the Eurotunnel and a new garden city called Ebbsfleet. Their chairman said "The change will provide many new benefits, not least the ability to attract new commercial investment as North West Kent's growth continues to gather pace."

Their ground on the whole still holds onto its oldie-worldie charm, despite the fact its now called the Kerplunk stadium or some other such sponsorship nonsense.

To say the club have had an eventful few years is an understatement.

In 2007, My Football Club announced a £700,000 takeover in exchange for its members having an equal share in the club. It was the dawning of a new internet era on how to run football clubs. Or maybe not. Members were promised a vote on transfers, player selection and other major decisions. Just two and half years later from a peak of 32,000 just 3,500 were still members and one of their founders admitted that “we failed to give the feeing of ownership and closeness to the club they had hoped for. Perhaps the idea of being part of the takeover and making decisions was more exciting than the reality.” The following season the club were relegated from the Conference and they’ve yo-yo’d between the divisions ever since. They’ve nearly gone out of business and in 2013 members voted in favour of handing two-thirds of MyFC's shares to the the clubs supporters' trust and the final third to one of the club's major shareholders.

After exiting Ebbsfeet MyFC voted to support Slough. This was mainly sponsorship of our filming equipment and our away kit rather than what onions we used in our burgers. The idea has now faded away without really doing what it set out to achieve. If their idea on how to run a football club was ever really possible.

As if covid wasn’t bad enough for football clubs Ebbsfleet were relegated from the National League by just 0.002 points after the league was determined on a points per game basis. This was despite being out of the relegation zone and in the top 3 form sides when the competition ended.

Midweek they had disposed of high flying St.Albans 5-0 while we had lost at home to Dulwich. It didn’t bode well. Our threadbare squad and over 100 Rebels travelled to Kent and as we assembled on the terraces it was time to come on make some noise for Bakes and Unders boys. Despite twitter requests, there was no bins and and while I’ve been away my drum sticks have quite literally taking a battering. Deano spent the morning cleaning various musical instruments that were covered in ketchup and mustard like some musical soup cooking disaster.

Supporters are now trading insults on what opposition fans will never sing. I’ve got my doubts that Slough are ever going to be Champions of Europe so it was time to get more creative with our one upmanship and hit them with the towns inventions and discoveries. ‘Largest trading estate in Europe - your never sing that’ got the ball rolling. Followed by ‘We made Marsbars, choclatty Marsbars, I don’t think you understand. They only cost a quid, their better than a Twix, Slough invented the Marbar.’ And finally, if that doesn’t get the opposition fans riled we can impress them with ‘When you look up Uranus, just think of Slough Town.’

When you play some teams in our division, you get the impression that their fans are just cross they even have to share a playing field with us. Out of all of them Ebbsfleet probably have got a point – well, 0.002 of a point. When the final whistle came, we had three points in the bag. Some of their fans booed while their social media went into meltdown and a few little scamps tried to run off with our flags. They talked about dominating the game, apart the all important sticking-the-ball-in-our-net dominance which is quite an integral part of football.

We finished off the evening with a pint in The Rose, a proper boozer right next to the ground that was as full of life as I felt as I boarded the rail replacement back to Brighton.

We were a basket case for so long I still savour every Slough victory. Despite having no money, we don’t have to press gang players to come to the club and we now have an under 23 convey belt of exciting youngsters in the team that never know when to throw in the towel. We’re Committee run, playing at a council ground without a pot to piss in. And yet here we are again, making another dent in some big teams promotion challenge. And that really is something worth banging on about. I just hope we can press gang some more people to come and watch us at Arbour Park to enjoy the ride.

VOLUNTEER OF THE MONTH

 

Printed in the National League South game v Welling United Saturday 19^th February 2022  We won 2-1 in front of 505 

He’s probably the first person you see when you arrive at Arbour Park on matchdays, and one of the last to leave. Barry Hiron was voted National Leagues Volunteer of the Month for January. So we thought it would be good to find out more about the man behind the award.

Barry grew up in Peckham in London and his dad used to take him to watch Dulwich Hamlet and his grandfather took him to Millwall. He moved to Slough when he was 12 and now lives in George Green. He spent his whole career in Air Cargo at Heathrow Airport but is now retired.

Barry told me: “I used to watch both Windsor and Slough with school friends. The FA Trophy Quarter final match at Stevenage in 1998 was when i started taking a keener interest . I started volunteering when we were playing at Beaconsfield helping Chris Sliski, who i knew from the airport, tidy up the ground pre-season. Weeding terraces, cleaning dugouts etc.”

So describe a typical matchday

“My main function on matchday is stewarding the main carpark from just after 12.30. I get to Arbour Park around 10.30 and cone off parking spaces as needed that day. Then put the reserved signs on the seats in the main stand. With others arriving I help out where needed doing a variety of jobs. It can be anything from setting up the Supporters Trust gazebo, the outside bar, the downstairs tea bar. Putting up flags and signage on the turnstiles, bar, tea bar and dressing room area. After the game everything has to be reversed as if it had never happened. I probably leave around 7.30pm.

So that’s nine hours on a Saturday!

So how comes you started volunteering? “It was never a concious decision but talking to volunteers regularly you could sense they felt a real part of the club. It started as "give us a hand with this " or "help me move this " and here we are now.”

“I would always encourage others to get involved, particularly the younger fans. They are the future. Whatever time you have available will be put to good use, even if it can’t be every game. You will be part of a good team.”

But it’s not just on match days. “Mike Lightfoot (Chair), Kay (secretary) and Ade do most non match day jobs. But Mike knows he can call me to help – my latest job was new shelving in the club shop. Pre-covid the club organised 6 a side tournaments for local junior schools with winners progressing to National league finals. Helping with those were good days. Also when other organisations are arranging matches or tournaments at Arbour Park they often need the carpark stewarded. And of course FA Cup games like Rochdale and Gillingham need volunteers helping for maybe 4 days or so before and after the match.”

While the National League labelled Barry Mr.Slough Town, he was quick to disagree “Can I just say that while I was flattered to be referred to as such, I know, as many Rebel supporters do, there will only be one ‘Mr.Slough Town’ Chris Sliski. Sadly, Chris is no longer with us.” Infact Barry picked up the Chris Sliski Club Person of the Year award in 2017/8.

Match day commentator and Adrian Gomm wrote “Match days at Slough Town wouldn’t be the same without the multiple skills of volunteer Barry Hiron. One of the first to arrive at Arbour Park, Barry joins a small band of volunteers that help set up your Matchday experience. Even during the game he can then be found collecting balls from wayward shooting, once doing this while looking after his one year old grandson. Volunteers are the heart of non league football and Slough Town are extremely grateful that Barry is at the heart of this club.”

As the spokesman for the National League said “We love the Volunteer of the Month award, where we get the chance to honour the great and the good who give up their time for the club they love. Barry is a very worthwhile winner.”

* Want to volunteer for the Rebels ? Contact either Ade or Kay, on a matchday or email via the clubs website www.sloughtownfc.net/contacts

TICKING OFF THE GROUNDS

Printed in the National League South game v Dulwich Hamlet Tuesday 8^th February 2022  We lost 2-1 in front of 531

I love that football sends you to places you would never visit unless you were on the run. So somewhat surprisingly, with a direct train from Brighton, this was my first ever trip to St.Albans. A city rich in history and culture, which I of course ignored and headed instead straight to the pub.

In plastic-bag carrying ground hopping terms this has meant I have visited every club in our league. Well except I’ve only been to Dorking and Maidstone's old grounds, but who cares about such semantics. Forget the 92 Football League challenge (especially as I’ve only been to 15 of them) I reckon I’ve ticked off 230 grounds although quite a few of these don’t exist anymore buried under housing and supermarkets. I look forward to the day when a supermarket is knocked down and replaced with a non league football ground.

I take great pleasure in pointing out these football places to my missus as we drive around the country, as she pretends to be bored stiff. From Dover to Gateshead, Truro to Boston, i've been there, done that and wiggled my Slough Town bobble hat. When I was growing up I could map the British Isles with ease thanks to my football knowledge. Maybe learning the football pyramid should be part of the Geography syllabus? My non league pyramid poster sits proudly on my office wall as I longingly look at places like Nostel Miners Welfare and West Allotment Celtic and hope one day we get to play them in the FA Cup.

Clarence Park is actually in a Victorian park – and is the sort of old ground that has been hunted to extinction in London and beyond. Park wardens still lock the gates at dusk and until very recently there was an oak tree with a preservation order growing in the one of the terraces behind the goal!

Despite it being a traditional ground it is now cash free - mind you, they could do with investing in a stair lift to the clubhouse. I think Clubshop Sue is still there.

Pubs also seem to be on the UK endangered list and there’s always a property vulture around the corner willing to snap them up and turn off the taps. We found ourselves in the Mermaid, which is a proper old fashioned real ale boozer that had a range of concotions to delight the Rebels palates. Thanks to the pandemic it has converted its car park into an outside drinking area - and it served up the best nachos I’ve ever had in a pub.

Most of us had seen St Albans outplay and beat Forest Green Rovers in the FA Cup on the TV but their promotion push had stumbled since then. Their crowds have risen and today was touching 1,500. The Rebels as ever had travelled in good numbers and it was the St Albans goalkeeper who enjoyed our attention in the first half just for the having Johnstone as a name stake. Parties, cake, he got the full I-broke-the-rules-cos-im-posher-than-you reportorie. I’d never heard Slough fans so politicised about a PM and if this is a barometer of peoples anger that taking the piss out of people who had obeyed the rules he set, well he’s toast. Me, I’m just sick of being told we should all be patriotic and love our country from people who royally shaft us.

Neil Bakers dad Keith had sadly passed away the night before after a long battle with cancer. On the 66^th minute the Slough fans started singing ‘There’s only one Keith Baker’, the ref stopped the game and all the players and St. Albans fans joined in with a minutes applause, a fantastic show of respect from everyone.

Neil tweeted: ‘Can only thank everyone for the support over the last 24 hours after losing Dad so late Friday night. Whilst we knew it was coming, it is still hard to lose your hero. I was in absolute tatters! The football community has been incredible though and I will be forever grateful.’

And just to add to St.Albans being a thoroughly decent club, special mention must to go their stewards - quite possibly the best I’d ever accounted. They found us a bin, and even bought it around for us in the second half. And then admitted they supported their nearby rivals Hemel!

I heard rumours that St.Albans want to move, no doubt like York to some out of town carbuncle which would be a real shame but I understand there must be severe limitations to the ground. No doubt eager groundhoppers will be flocking there until they do to enjoy a trainspotting, bird watching, ball spotting bonanza.

HANGING IN HAILSHAM

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hungerford Town Saturday 5th February 2022  We drew 2-2 in front of 703

Let’s be honest, when most people hear the words Slough they probably don’t expect sunshine and flowers when they get off the train, but Hailsham. I had visions of grandeur for this small Sussex market town – instead I weaved my way through industrial units and a giant KFC. There’s even a church in an industrial unit. I passed a stream full of beer cans and went through a metal railed alley before I found myself at The Beaconsfield.

It seems I’d come at the back end and missed the rather more picturesque High Street and the regular market. That’s because I had come by bus from Polegate train station thanks to Hailsham being another place whose railway fell victim of Beechings cuts. Even at the time British Rail admitted that the town was growing and other public transport wouldn’t be able to cope. But to the sound of detonators on the line and Auld Lang Syne sung by a large crowd it was gone. The old train track is now a cycle-footpath with one local telling me “The good thing about the railway track closing is now all the middle class people can argue about who has ownership of the space, which is now called the Cuckoo track, and advertised as a nature trail. Dog walkers, horse riders and cyclists all hate each other and think they have right of way and are very important. It's like road rage but on a track.” Roads around this area of Sussex have continually enlarged to cope for the insatiable appetite of cars with villages and towns being ruined by bypasses and carparks just to shave a few seconds off a journey. Until they get clogged up and the road building process starts over again.

My first ever visit to The Beaconsfield was made much easier by their twitter directions – in stark contrast to York who just ignored our pleas on social media to find Rebels-on-tour essentials like the nearest pubs. There was no food so I headed back in the trading estate to grab a pastie from a petrol station, which should really have been the title of a Smiths song.

Hailsham industrial heritage is reflected in the clubs nickname The Stringers, with rope making one of its main industries and used not just to tie up beanpoles but round peoples necks for public hangings in Britain and across the world.

Languishing near the bottom of Southern Combination Division One, the Stringers were welcoming Shoreham whose play off push to the Premiership had stalled recently and who needed a win.

In the cold clubhouse I warmed myself up with a coffee, while Shorehams chairman asked about the right potatoes to grow to supply their kitchen with home grown organic chips. Theses are the sort of conversations I want at football! With a vision like this it’s no surprise they are winning awards for making changes that reduce their carbon football studs print – and it’s one of the only grounds you can get a veggie burger. But organically grown chips, grown and served at the ground – that’s got to be quite literally, a groundbreaking first.

The teams warmed up in the adjacent park and it was hard to play much football on the pitch with players slipping and sliding, some straight into the referees book.

Now I know it’s customary to blame the officials for everything; i'm sure the closure of the Hailsham railway line was somehow the refs fault. The recent viral video of Whitehawk vs Three Bridges encapsulated this perfectly. The ref showed 5 red cards for some industrial tackling but there was even more agricultural shooting from the Hawks. But guess who got the blame for their loss on social media? So hats off to todays ref Owen Radley with lots of good advantage, bookings and sin bins for diving and back chat.

A defensive slip in the mud and Hailsham were in, but a mix up right at the end of half time let Shoreham level. Second half was different with Shoreham playing as nice as football as you can eventually running out 4-3 winners. Another Shoreham goalfest in front of 91 people. 

Hailshams main charitable partners are Sunflowers - a mental health and well being community group. The clubs chair definitely seems to have a sensible vision for the club. Writing in the local paper, he said: "When asked if i think the first half of or season has been a success, I would ask - how are we defining success? For some clubs, success is nothing less than winning tittles, winning cups - for others, success is improving on last season - and for some, success is simply getting a team out." The club currently have 100 youngsters playing under their name and have ambitious plans to upgrade the ground - but will need to find quarter of a million to do it. They want to pull down the old clubhouse 'before it collapses' and replace with new changing rooms, showers, offices and public toilets, with the loos being open to using the rec opposite the ground. 

I'm sure most of us are sick to the back teeth listening to managers in charge of billionaire clubs moaning. They don’t want to play in the League Cup, FA Cup, more than one game a fortnight. You sometimes wonder if they actually want to play football at all. Over Christmas Sloughs part time players played three games in eight days despite injuries and covid. And fans love festive football with people flocking to games – I’m not sure I’ve ever known non league to be so popular. There’s always a warm welcome at places like Hailsham who make do with what they’ve got but who could always welcome more supporters through the turnstiles – and more volunteers.

Just like thousands of clubs up and down the country, Hailsham might not set the footballing world alight but they are part of the social glue that communities need to prosper and thrive.