THEY'VE EVEN GOT A TAMBOURINE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Weston-super-mare Tuesday 27th January 2025  We lost 3-1 in front of 533

I know i'm very, very late to the party but I’ve finally joined Facebook – prompted by Twitter becoming a place where you feel like you’ve been swimming in sewage – well unless of course its the sweet smelling discourse with Slough supporters. Its to easy to end up going down a raging twittering rabbit hole, angry at the world and shaking fists at imaginary foes while the richest people in the world laugh in our faces. We’ve been played by the algorithms so im just hanging on for the lower league chat while muting words and accounts that harm my delicate sensibilities.

Mind you, my new Facebook account is only about Slough Town. And who knew there were delights like Non League Bins! Revelling in rubbish depositories where as you would expect our famous wheelies feature heavily. Infact surely its time for a national bin off tournament? I’ve got more chance with that, than becoming part of the walking wounded of any proposed Slough Town supporters games.

Then I stumbled across a Rebel love fest thread on Non League Football Chat. A Hemel fan starts ‘Brilliant away following for Slough Town in a game they lost 4-1 …never stopped encouraging their team! Best support I’ve seen at Vauxhall Road in ages’… Another chips in ‘They did exactly the same at Kidderminster in the Trophy even when they were 4 -0 down’ while another Hempsteady added ‘Credit to them, they always travel well to us and in general. As a Hemel fan I wish we had away support like they do. Brilliant little club they are, always enjoyed talking to Slough fans.’

Which is always nice to hear. Our Firm used to be more infirm but we’ve grown and grown and youngsters now outnumber us oldies but we all try and have a laugh and well- I’ve had a hard week at work, I want to have some fun! We are gonna lose some games of football and I’d rather leave my moaning in the clubhouse after the game than towards our players on the pitch and our any sort of forum because i'm polite like that. Or maybe have had one to many to actually type after a game.

I love visiting new places but don’t really like holidays – unless its a Slough Town away ole ole one. Rebels on Tour is not just good for the soul but also for your brain, with historical tours and cultural exchanges with the locals to compliment the 90 minutes of football. But I’m not into groundhopping – if im going to watch some football I need some skin in the game, unless its a winner takes all cup match. I can’t just enjoy it for the beauty of the surroundings or the beauty of the football being played on the pitch. So give me a mini Slough Town holiday break any day.

Football Saturdays are also the only time you can go up to strangers and chat and not be seen as an axe murderer. All because you have a football top or Slough Town bobble hat on. Mind you I had to move train seats on my trip to Tonbridge. I used to love hitching because you got to hear snapshots of peoples lives – but these three talking about stationary and office politics and whose nicking the post it notes. Lord, give me strength. Thought I was a Wernham Hogg Office sketch. And not a funny one.

I wandered round the tidy town of Tonbridge with its train station proudly announcing the next Angels game, its crumbly castle and river, with children wearing their towns colours in the bright January sunshine. I dipped my chips in my runny egg breakfast while an old lady in a Christmas top, informed me she doesn’t like her brother who she has to live with. And that she bought so many tissues from the local shop they wrote a letter to thank her!

As I sipped my pint and scrolled my phone a thread featuring the Wallace and Gromit Trumpet song and Biggest Trading Estate in Europe tune – while poking fun at some of our musical instruments – ‘they’ve even got a tambourine’ had half a million views. With people chipping in ‘That's good quality support! Funny too….This is what the games about.’

Even my mum messaged me – ‘Great atmosphere. More like a party.’ And well, you know what a few of our newer supporters have said it is this type of atmosphere that has got them coming back for more. Right, I’m off to buy a xylophone.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND ALL THAT

 

Printed in the National League South game v Torquay United Tuesday 21st January 2025 We drew 2-2 in front of 791

Surely there’s no better way to usher in the New Year than a trip to Borehamwood after half a seconds sleep. As I disembarked from the train the rain lashed down but thankfully a pub landlord rescued me and invited me into his humble abode.

Now I haven’t been to Borehamwood's ground for a number of years, and the transformation is impressive, in part helped by hosting Arsenal Ladies with serious investment from the Football Stadia Improvement Fund. Oh and a wealthy chairman who definitely isn’t on the Christmas card list for the pub regulars I chatted too. Borehamwood have always struggled to attract crowds, and at one point the chairman threatened to pull the plug until a very decent FA Cup run attracted new supporters. Slough battled well to go in 1-1 at the break but then the full time, well resourced team proved clinical in front of goal and that as they say, was that.

Next up was Kidderminster Harriers. Years ago we’d shared a few seasons together in the Conference but like so many former opponents they went up while we plummeted down. The thick frost that carpeted the outskirts of London didn’t bode well but I was warmed by the obligatory matchday Slough curry-for-breakfast before hoping on the packed supporters coach for a just £20 - a bit cheaper than the £86 the rail companies wanted.

If Borehamwood's facilities had improved in our absence Kidderminster’s were off the scale. Football League worthy infact – where they were for five seasons In the end a decent showing of 222 Rebels made the trip to see us outclassed in the first half by a very good National League North side who must be banking on promotion. Still 90 minutes of football couldn’t spoil a good day out. Curry for breakfast, seeing Arbour Park buzzing with football on the pitch, when we left and when we returned. Lincoln giving me his cold, snot covered chips, Lucy the Nurses big knitted scarf, the friendly social club. My only regret was not visiting the Museum of Carpet.

But the highlight of the day was seeing Arbour Park buzzing outside of the seniors mens matchdays. Two games with young boys and girls in the morning, with parents packing the main stand and grabbing a hot drink. A lot more civilised than when I used to watch my boys on a muddy field in the pouring rain with no facilities. As the snow began to fall, it was Slough v Gosport man v fat. I spoke to community manager Ade about all this activity and the fact that the opening of the downstairs bar has made a massive difference.

“All the kids in our junior teams were offered free Season Tickets with a discount for parents too as well. The take up was good. The best part is that visiting teams, whether it’s junior teams or Virginia Water opponents or even Man v Fat opponents, absolutely love this venue, not just for the facilities but also the chance to play on a fantastic pitch.

“Man v Fat play a 7 aside league at Arbour Park on a Monday evening and the whole idea is about weight loss for men with a BMI over 27.5 .The good thing is that if your team loses more weight then it gives you an advantage in the league game. Each member receives dietary tips and recipes, they have an online workout available and a mental health programme as this can be a huge part of losing weight. Our partnership has seen some of their participants form an 11 aside team which plays under the Slough Town FC banner and play their games at AP. One of the main benefits we have seen form this partnership is that they guys from MvF are contributing to the local community as 7 players took part in the BIG SLEEPOUT for the homeless which was held at AP plus they also did a food bank collection just before Xmas.

“I know some our fans always say its wrong to hand out free tickets, but they have to remember its purpose is a community stadium and the number of repeat bookings is amazing.”

Kevin Brooker told me about his involvement “I joined Man Vs Fat in 2019. I was at my heaviest then and knew I had to do something. I love football and found MvF. It is basically 6 a side football meets weight watchers! It has been brilliant for me both physically and mentally. I have lost almost 4 stone since starting and in general that weight has stayed off. I am now the Assistant Coach for the Slough MvF League.

“Our bond with Slough increased when we started the MvF Slough XI's Team in 2023. We play in Slough kit and are really representing the club in a specialist league. I started coming along to the odd Slough Town game where I received a warm welcome and now very much consider myself a Slough supporter. Up the Rebels!”

Next up Hemel Hempstead who had ended our year long unbeaten run then paid the price with a Rebel curse that saw them go on a long losing streak that also saw their manager lose his job. Hemel Hempstead is not just a mish mash of a place name but a mish mash of a place. You step outside the train station and its like being in the countryside. The roundabouts must have been designed by someone on acid; the old town is a delight next to the carbuncle of a seventies shopping centre. As for the football, well we were blinded by the light in the first half, had a brief reprieve then once again shipped a load of goals.

What has been the common thread of all these games is our support – travelling in large numbers and - despite seeing our team losing, just hasn’t let up. There’s been plenty of praise from opposition supporters and sometimes you wouldn’t realise that it was us who were losing.

While we welcomed a well earned point at home to Eastbourne we also remembered our legendary physio SuperKev McGoldrick who passed away six years ago after working for the club for over 30 years. His words before an FA Cup game about what a welcoming, friendly club Slough is still holds true and I think he would be proud of what’s happening.

Of course we should dream of play offs, cup runs and a trip to Wembley stadium. And the 90 minutes on the pitch really do matter to everyone's general well being. But as I get older I can look at the bigger picture of what's happening at our club, be proud of that and know that’s also worth shouting about.

A FISH AND CHIP FOOTBALL FEAST

 

Printed in the National League South game v Eastbourne Borough Saturday 18th January 2025  We drew 0-0 in front of 986

It finally happened. I could tick off United along with Borough and Town to complete that unlikely Eastbourne accolade of three senior football clubs. And there used to be four (Shinewater Association since you asked). Eastbourne certainty is a bit greedy when it comes to football. And all three are on the up.

Town are not just the oldest in Eastbourne but the oldest in Sussex founded in 1881, with their listed turnstile in the more well-to-do part of town hemmed in by bowls and cricket. United have just had a million pound revamp, and well we all know about Borough. Infact the only person I knew at the Eastbourne Untied game was Andy the friendly Borough steward who seemed to be a minor celebratory and bought me a beer as he told tales of the worst behaved supporters. It certainty isn’t the Rebel Rabble. Both United and Town have an old potted footballing history against Slough when Borough was still just marsh land.

New committee, new owners, new ideas – all organisations need it from time to time or become trapped in a meat raffle mentality or just exhausted by the relentlessness of it all.

Eastbourne United's Oval ground – which apparently had been on its last legs for quite a while – has been totally rebuilt. This includes not just a new 3G pitch but also a huge revamp of the facilities inside and out, including the changing rooms, car parks and bar, entrance and clubhouse areas. They helped sort out drainage and flooding in the nearby park, and have managed to build something quirky and distinctive – they’ve even got sponsored urinals – and the clubhouse is now open to all rather than members only.

Their Chairman Matt Thompson added: “We are part of the Princes Park area that includes the Perch restaurant, Princes mini-golf, sailing and also the Park itself. Our site has been run down for too long – now we are proud of our contribution to the town & Princes Park itself.”

Teams using the new facility include: Eastbourne Rangers, Willingdon Youth , Allstar Soccer, Men Utd (Mental Health Team), Sussex Girls Teams and of course Eastbourne United.

Still its heartening to see some people, rather than celebrating what a great investment this is, have a moan up. And you can always find a Lib Dem councillor to have a moan about a football club. Local councillor Angry Fist-Waver frothed; "There's is anti social behaviour even now with just three teams playing a week. We don't think it is Eastbourne United, we think it is more likely to be the opposing teams.

“They sit on garden walls, they smoke cigarettes and flick them into the gardens. They’ve been peeing in the gardens. They even, on one occasion redistributed the dog poo from one of our dog poo containers. There has been damage to cars and sometimes loud karaoke music coming from the club. This is happening now, so what is going to happen when there are 18 teams using the club, possibly six teams at once, from nine in the morning to nine at night.

“This is going to increase parking, it is going to increase noise, it is going to increase antisocial behaviour, it is definitely going to increase pollution in terms of traffic, plastic and light pollution.”

Well quite, infact the best way to curb anti social behaviour is by having everyone locked up in their houses 24-7 rather than new community facilities where they can meet their neighbours; and anyone whose gone to County League football knows that baying hoards of away fans are always an er, problem...

Once person whose no doubt very happy is Daniel Ford who spent last season gorging himself on Eastbourne football – and I mean seriously, one-more-wafer-thin-mint gorging, with a book that's fit to burst. ‘Fish, Chips and football – a season by the seaside’ details all 103 games he went too, from park football to National League South, with an easy style full of football history and quirks. Infact I got my copy from a quirky sports memorabilia shop in Eastbourne.

As for the game, well after listening to two old blokes at the bar having the obligatory moan that Christmas goes on too long, and there’s nothing on TV (unlike when they were growing up and there was two channels).

I pop out in the cold to see a decent festive crowd of 446 snaking around the block before kick off, throwing dog poo bags around and sticking cigarette butts through peoples letterboxes. Or just standing politely in a queue. United's managers programme notes bemoans his lot ‘Work, injury, suspension, weddings, cats birthday, there’s always a forest to navigate through to try and get your best 16.” He seems to have managed it today.

I’m sure Newhaven had high hopes this season after losing in the play off final to Eastbourne Town. But a 4-1 defeat here saw their joint managers resign after 10 years and 500 games where they have transformed Newhaven into a Sussex County League (Southern Combination now) force. And it was good to hear people shout ‘come on United’ – especially as Manchester supporters think they own the copyright on that.

So if you want to feast on fish and chips and football while taking a stroll down the prom you know where to head.