PANTOMIME SEASON

 

To be printed in the National League South game v Dover Athletic Saturday 28th February 2026

                             photo by Scott McNeish

I know its stating the bleedin obvious, but football is more fun when you win and when it comes to the form table we are up there with the best. Since that Boxing Day away victory (not sure if anyone's mentioned it, but we beat Maidenhead United 3-1 at their place) we’ve romped up the league – with a few hiccups on the way.

But what if you expect to win? What if you don’t think that you should even be playing in this league?

Football crowds used to be more punch you angry now its pantomime angry. Booing when your league team is losing now seems the norm. I mean, really? Having plenty of money doesn’t seem to make people any happier, and often turns supporters into spoilt, entitled brats. It’s infected lower down the pyramid and I could hear Chelmsford supporters booing and chanting against their own team the other day at half time against Slough. Chelmsford are now segregating every home game, as they march towards 'football league standards' Oh give it a rest. I suppose away fans view will now be as bad as some away supporters get in the Premier League if that’s what you mean by football league standards. Meanwhile Torquay have got there knickers in a twist over a supporters coach and Ebbsfleet fans last weekend had a go at their manager and their players.

Thing is, there's quite a few clubs in our division that feel they shouldn’t be here and Maidstone is definitely one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I like Maidstone and have got a lot of time for their supporters who’ve gone through some bleak times. After going bust after a short stint in the Football League, they had to start again quite literally in a park, playing in the Kent League Division 4. They clawed there way back up and now have a lovely new ground in town after 24 homeless years. There’s Maidstone colours everywhere but their fans have got the hump. They expect more than just sitting outside the National League South play offs and that amazing FA Cup run seems like a distant memory. There’s talk of investment and all that jazz – but there’s still only two promotion spots up for grabs each season.

Pre match we went into one Maidstone cafe which felt more like an art gallery selling sour dough while the Wetherspoons was some glass monstrosity under a 70’s office block with rows of tables for people who probably didn’t really need that extra sausage. That’s not a boozer. We found an old fashioned caff then an old fashioned pub before we made it to the ground with plenty of time. That delayed kick off made it even more of a memorable occasion, although with so few Slough players at the ground, people were nervously looking at their feet hoping they wouldn’t be called to the bench. As the few of us that had got the train huddled at the back of their mammoth stand we were politely asked if that's all we take away. No, not really, most of us are stuck on the M25 with their legs crossed after a four and a half hour trip. I do think Maidstone should have let everyone in for free after that journey, but we will take the three points instead. While we celebrated post match in a pub I realised that only Tony could have mini heart attack and Mitch in his former life must have been a Buddhist monk with his calmness when all around him lose their heads (well unless we break out the Rebel, Rebel, Boing, Boing song).

Of course the run had to end and it did with a bump at Worthing, who simply blew us away in a first half mauling where we were lucky to concede just 4. It’s so impressive what has happened to Worthing as we made some noise in their fancy new stand, reminding them who are the Real Rebel Army. The club are celebrating 140 years of existence and 125 years at Woodside Road. We’ve been playing them on and off since 1949 and their place often had the feel of a working mens club smelling of stale beer hanging on for dear life. But what a transformation, helped by them ditching those rapid response stewards who caused the problems they were there to prevent. I selfishly hope they don’t go up tho, as its only 22 minutes on the train for me.

To end a season like this is of course more fun. Certainty more fun than those at the bottom like Eastbourne Borough who seem to be on a death spiral after their word soup chairman sacked their second manager of the season and promised part time football if they get relegated – which is looking more certain by the day and not the football league he promised. Weymouth, now possibly Eastbourne as lost away days – that’s not right, and I will be writing to my MP.

Still, plenty more twists and turns, and let’s hope for more days like Maidstone rather than Worthing. But if you’re 4-0 down away you might as well have a laugh and a sing-song, and after the compliments Worthing supporters heaped on us, maybe its mean spirited to say we would have probably had more fun at Bognor Butlins. You stick to eating Mackerels, while us rotund rebels enjoy our MarsBars and plan our next trip away.

SCHOOLIGANS

 

Printed in the double programme for National League South games v Weston-super-mare Tuesday 10th February we won 1-0 in front of 562 and Horsham on Saturday 14th February 2026 we drew 0-0 in front of 803 

If ever I was in need of a dose of Slough sanity it was the other Saturday... but I’d arranged a 60th + party at our pub to hopefully bring in a few extra quid to support our community activities. So yep I missed it. Slough Town 5 Full Time we-will-be-in-the-football-league-soon Chelmsford City 0. They might have to wait a little longer for that dream to come true.

I was in zoom work calls and clearing up rotten vegetables, but at least I was able to listen on Rebels Radio. As the goals flew in, its funny how those who like to moan when things aren't going so well, keep very quiet on days like these; almost as if they get a kick out of being grumpy moan-pants. They must be fun to be with. Still, thanks to everyone who messaged that I'd missed the best home performance of the season. You really are a caring bunch.

The only one sour note I heard was the trouble at the game with Spreadsheet Stu messaging before kick off about moody Chelmsford youngsters. What is it about wearing Burberry that can transform you into a Bellend? Stone Island into a sausage? It’s like the old days of football hooliganism all over again but this time for spotty teenagers, who like to play gangsters but as Taplow Rebel so eloquently put it couldn’t ‘knock the skin off a rice pudding.’ Football violence isn’t anything new, but with every second of our lives now filmed, any altercation is there for the world to see. Tik Tok for Toerags. Instagram for Idiots.

I’m not going to go all rose tinted about the good old days. My uncle stopped taking me to Fulham cos he didn’t think it was safe and Slough had its gangs who just loved a punch up. They even got the local paper to do front page headlines at one point, saying they just like to fight. And come on let’s be honest, some of our older supporters have a colourful past – but they are respectable now. Well maybe respectable isn’t quite the right description, let’s just say they have matured like an old boot.

Lower league football is thriving with a welcome boost in attendances and more cash for clubs lower down the pecking order. With the decimation of youth clubs, libraries closed, community centres boarded up, our level of football is one of the only cheap activities for young people to get together. And that’s a good thing. So what to do? Obviously the easiest option is ban the troublemakers from the games. But it’s all increased costs, more security, police, segregation...and slowly chipping away at the reasons we love non league...chatting to away supporters, changing ends at half time, not taking it too seriously cos well at the end of the day it’s just a game of football.

I don’t like the idea of collective punishment and the nuclear option from some clubs, banning all under 16 year olds unless accompanied with an adult. But something needs to change as there isn’t a matchday now without numerous reports of trouble at various grounds. Thankfully we’ve been mainly spared at Slough, a combination of lower crowds and our older supporters able to control the younger ones most of the time.

So how about a membership scheme (or season ticket) so we have regular supporters details and they aren’t penalised for something they haven’t done?

But if you want a punch up, find some farmers field somewhere and cover each others faces with cowpats; just don’t come dragging your gangsta fruitshoot attitude along to Slough Town thank you very much. Or dance around calling each others names for the cameras. You might just get a thick ear from a drumstick. A rolling pin from Sue. A blast of the trumpet from Nick. Or worse. A season ticket to Maidenhead United.

I don’t want people like my uncle deciding Arbour Park is not the place for their family. I want us known for our Slough-centric songs, wheelie bins, stupid instruments and having a laugh with everyone – cos coming to football should be fun, right?