BELT AND BRACES IN THE NLS

 

Printed in the friendly v Southend United Tuesday 29th July 2025. We drew 0-0 in front of 869

As we prepare for the new season, I’ve been peeking through my fingers at the monster that has become the National League South while watching last seasons team get dismantled.

Everyone is seemingly being bankrolled by someone wealthy. Half the clubs are full time or hybrid, not that I really understand what hybrid means in this footballing context. Is it a donkey? A horse? No, its a mule! Dagenham have Qatari owners and went out and signed Andy Carroll. A donkey, horse or mule? Salisbury have a new Kuwaiti owner and Dorking always seems to have a magic money tree growing in their leafy back gardens. And little old Slough? Well we have Ash and his merry men, powering the club as it should be through community activity, local sponsorships – and beer. I'm surprised we haven’t got a micropub in one of the turnstiles.

So let’s take a look at some of the financial messes clubs find themselves in. Maidenhead lost £500,000 last season trying unsuccessfully to stay up – with only the Kilman transfer sell-on money keeping them afloat. Hampton and Richmond haemorrhaged over £1.1 million while Ebbsflett have spent a fortune to go nowhere fast. Our opponents tonight Southend spent many years in a financial mess – now its Morecambe's turn to be sunk thanks to another dodgy football owner.

The National League is now chock a block with ex league clubs – or BELTS as Sutton United ‘Gandermonium’ fanzine dubbed them (‘Big Ex-League Teams’ is the polite version) and now more and more of them are finding themselves even lower down the footballing pyramid.

Look I know Dagenham have been in the Football League and no disrespect, but it’s hard for me to see them as BELTers. I remember going there as a youngster, standing behind the goal on a grass bank while they swallowed Redbridge Forest, who themselves had devoured Walthamstow, Leytonstone and Ilford. That’s just greedy. Just as I get quoted the ‘Come Friendly Bombs’ poem when I say where I’m from, Torquay supporters must be sick of Basil Fawlty. Not helped by the hotel I stayed in last season seemingly coming straight from the set. And at £25 a night, it was only £3 more than what Torquay are charging away fans to watch 90 minutes of football. Mind you, it felt like I only got 90 minutes of sleep in my bed after another night on the razzle with the Rebel Rabble.

So what of Slough? Have we become the Brighton of the National League in recruitment? Unearthing gems who want to come to our club because they can see progression in their careers. I’ve got nothing against someone wanting to put a few more quid in their pocket or making the step up to full time football. Wouldn’t we do the same? I think us football fans get a bit too wrapped up in this loyalty card.

We’ve got a crowdfunded new drum and some more trinkets but now we’ve got to think of a whole new song book. Maybe we need to organise a Slough Towns Got Talent to pick the best ones?

It only took 5 Secretaries of State, 4 Prime Ministers, 2 Monarchs, 2 Governments and two turtle doves but the Football Governance Bill is now law. So you would think every MP would be applauding a bill that was initiated by a Tory and finished by Labour and gives much greater protection to our clubs. But no, there plenty of opposition MPs who voted against it. Maybe they should explain why they did to the tearful older Morecambe supporter as she asked exasperated to the SKY cameras with her club on the brink ‘How one man can hold us to ransom like this, is beyond me.’

So beware owners promising the earth, just like politicians who do the same. Infact there’s going to be some very disappointed ones in our league and lots of sacked managers before the seasons out as those two promotion places become gold dust.

As for little old Slough? What do I want ? To meet up with friends, make new ones, visit new places, have some more weekends away and have a laugh with away supporters; give bloody noses to some of those bigger clubs, watch crowds increase, see even more community stuff happening and be looking upwards in the league table rather than the trap door. The obligatory plea for 3rd round proper-job of the FA Cup for the first time ever please. Oh and beat Maidenhead on Boxing Day. It would be the perfect way to celebrate my 60th.

What I do know is that whatever happens we will get behind the team – because that’s what we do. See you all at Tonbridge.

THE NEVER ENDING SEASON

Printed in the friendly v Brentford B Tuesday 15th July 2025. We won 3-2 in front of 558

I love runner beans. We grow masses of them at our community garden and they are easily my favourite vegetable, but are only available four months of the year. Freeze them and they taste insipid and soggy. So wouldn’t it be great if you could have runner beans all year round? Nah, I just wouldn’t enjoy them as much. That’s how I see the football season. I like when it ends (so does my wallet and liver) and I can really get on with growing runner beans and other vegetables (but not aubergines – they should be given a vegetable banning order). But now football is served up to us every day; never ending tournaments to satisfy the TV bosses, who cram more in until we become bloated and bored-sick.

There was no play offs for Slough, but I listened with fingers and toes crossed while putting pins in a black and white voodoo dolly, hoping that we would be playing Maidenhead next season. That seemed to do the trick.

I paid a subscription and watched a roller coaster of a game against Oldham and Southend in the National League final – with an attendance of over 50,000 that could have been even more if it wasn’t capped because of the football fans pet hate, transport disruption. A goal from a recently departed Slough player and a fairytale ending for a loveable Oldham owner who was beaming with pride knowing how a successful team can help transform his home town.

I watched this on my phone via another company hoping to hit the TV football jackpot, DAZN. You should never trust a company whose name you can’t pronounce, and DAZN sounds like some cheap imitation washing machine powder from Bulgaria that doesn’t remove the stains, but adds a few new ones.

Shopping Powder TV also has exclusive access to the Club World Cup, a superleague with bells on. Like a travelling footballing salesman meets the circus. I managed to miss it all. But im glad we’ve sacrificed FA Cup replays for competitions like this.

We all know where we are heading with the Club World Cup. The powers that be have still got the hump they couldn’t get their European super league, so they chip away until its already happening, behind our backs in plain sight.

And as world temperatures continue to climb, will people be able to play football in the suffocating heat of the summer? And will American TV finally realise their dream of multiple drinks breaks so they can cram in more adverts for food and drinks peak athletes wouldn’t touch with a barge pole? Will cold wet neck towels become a fashion accessory like those stupid sleeping bag coats people wear that were designed for keeping warm after a swim in the sea not for a shopping trip to Waitrose.

TV viewing figures nose dived 10% in last part of the season – blamed on a Premier League where Liverpool won at a canter while the Championship Clubs all got relegated again for the second season running. Premier league clubs are chasing tourists rather than those annoying so called ‘legacy’ fans, who never spend enough in the superstores buying the fifth away kit and the branded pants. This is where savvy lower league owners can tap into to disgruntled supporters and make them their own.

DAZN and the Club World Cup is of course bankrolled by Saudi Arabia who are experimenting with a whole new Virtual Reality fans experience. My mate Gibby whose an expert in these things told me ‘The Fifa Club World Cup VR Experience has shown the way forward for sports in VR and mixed reality….with spectacular views feeling like you are on the pitch, in the crowd...while Subbuteo type pitches show you real time movement of players.’

We talked about whether this solitary experience of football is the future. Another way to add to the loneliness and obesity epidemic? Or will people still want to be immersed in the real world, in a crowd of people with restricted views but collective joy and misery.

As we’ve been told ‘Football its a simple game, made complicated by people who should know better.’ But the football of the future and the way we consume it is probably as unimaginable to us now as todays football would be to a supporter 100 years ago. Still, when you boil it down, its still 22 players kicking the ball around a pitch. And then blaming the ref when things don’t go the way for their team

A CLUB TO BE PROUD OF

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hampton and Richmond Borough Saturday 26th April 2025. Last game of the season. We won 1-0 in front of 1,583

Bananas by Mark Davis

And so another season comes to an end. One where we briefly topped the table and one where we briefly looked over our shoulders at the relegation trap door.

Of course I want Slough to win football matches, but as I get older, I take a more holistic and realistic view.

It wasn’t so long ago that a group of us would meet in the pub opposite Stag Meadow, the home of Windsor and Eton, where Slough had washed up after losing Wexham Park. We’d laugh and joke and then realise it was time for kick off – where inevitably 90 minutes of football would spoil a good day out. A lot of those people are now volunteering for the club and its hard not to forget just how much of a basket-case the Rebels were. Penniless and plummeting down the leagues, homeless for nearly 15 years, around 300 of us keeping the faith and hoping things could turn around. And blimey haven’t they just.

Signing that 50 year lease from the council has turbo charged the club off the field. I couldn’t make the forum but briefly spoke to co-owner Ash about next season.

With the National League South getting stronger, lots of supporters are already worrying about next season! What will the club be doing to make sure we stay competitive?

Ash “We are enhancing the playing budget for next season to ensure we remain competitive. Although we firmly believe we have one of the best young managers, fantastic facilities and an exciting momentum off the pitch which will allow us to perform to the desired standard of the NLS.”

The Club has made massive strides off the pitch since we signed the lease – what are you most proud of?

“For me success isn’t just about wins or milestones, but about sustained, meaningful progress and the ripple effect it has. Creating growth both in the club and the community means you’re building something lasting, something that brings people together and uplifts more than just the team.”

I then spoke to our community manager Ade – a supporter for 45 years - about what happens when we all head off to the potting shed. “When the season finishes and fans enjoy a well earned rest, Arbour Park (AP) continues to see increasing occupancy of its rooms, pitch and facilities. For the club, the off season is often busier than during the season. AP has regular corporate bookings throughout the year, ranging from business meetings, health workshops, conferences and training curses and due to our excellent facilities and on-site parking, these continue to grow .

‘Our EDS and Academy will still use AP for training and education whilst you will see many football finals continue to be held here. Also our proximity to the crematorium makes AP and ideal space for wakes. With no football at weekends, AP will host far more parties during the summer than usual.

‘The gym, run by JA Fitness, continues to grow in its opportunities now that there is a 2nd personal trainer involved and session include small groups, one to ones, junior workshops and mum and baby groups being held regularly.

‘With the football club focusing on the local community, its summer activities continue with a desire to increase our offerings. There will be no stopping for our toddler football, kids football, disability sessions and walking football. With weekends free, the club plays host to various football tournaments including junior football, ladies tournament, corporate competitions and community projects all booked in for the ‘ off season’.

‘The club will continue to improve its facilities over the summer and please look out for some volunteer working parties coming up in the next couple of months.”

Too many football supporters want to be spoonfed a diet of instant success. A pill to pop to cure defeats, a new chairman who will promise the earth and to hell with the consequences. That’s not how Slough Town work and that’s a very good thing.

It’s been a really enjoyable season, we’ve had lots of laughs, made new friends, bashed more bins than I care to remember and visited places old and new.

Infact I’m more proud of the club than I’ve ever been; it has become a massive part of the community, an important institution for the town. And for a few of us, all this is so much more enjoyable because not so very long ago we were huddled together, losing to another village team and howling on the empty terraces that ‘All we wanted was a football ground in Slough’.

Well, we’ve got that now and so much more with bells on. See you next season.

ANOTHER WELCOME SEASON IN THE NATIONAL LEAGUE SOUTH

 

Printed in the National League South game v Borehamwood Good Friday 18th April 2025  We lost 4-2 in front of 1,027 

As my train trundled towards Torquay and the season hurtled towards its conclusion, you can’t help but start to wonder about next seasons adventures – especially now we are safe.

So is the National League South the most exciting league in the country? It’s certainty tight and all the big hitters are up there as you would expect, so who would we like to wave goodbye too? A day trip to Truro is not for the faint hearted so off they pop. Would Carlisle v Truro be a Guinness Book of Records longest football league trip ever?

I’ve visited every ground in our league apart from Enfield (on holiday in Weymouth at the time), so be good to go somewhere new. But it isn’t looking promising.

Merthyr look set to win the Southern Premier and I love a trip to the Valleys to stuff my face with Welsh cakes. Except they could potentially be put in the North. That's because we could be welcoming Dagenham and fingers, knees and toes crossed - Maidenhead United along with Ebbsfleet

Poor old Ebbsfleet have spent a bloody fortune, to get nowhere fast. They’ve kindly taken over the lease of the nearby Rose Pub to save it for the local community so its a welcome return to that friendly, local backstreet boozer.

So will Maidenhead once again manage the Great Escape? Their chairman has admitted with their proposed ground move scuppered they are haemorrhaging money, and really it can’t be long before they come and join us over here.

Dagenham and Redbridge would make a change...haven’t been there for a long time when they were a regular Isthmian opponent and we spent our life's travelling around the M25. But you can keep Wealdstone and Woking.

The Isthmian is tight. I’ve never been to Horsham's new ground which would be near-my-house handy. Cray Valley Paper Mills sounds fun if you like stationary. I love Dartford's ground and the ethos behind it. Former Tory Leader of Dartford council spelt out years ago what a new football stadium can do for an area. “Everyday, councils throw bucket loads of money at schemes to deal with anti-social behaviour, childhood obesity, community cohesion, civic pride and community relations. Here in Dartford, we took the view that rather than fund a series of expensive here today- gone tomorrow initiatives, we would invest in football as a catalyst for all those things.” Its certainty seems to be the philosophy adopted by our owners.

But no thanks Billericay Dicky. Or Dover. Hashtag United could still scrape into the play-offs; a gimmick of a club that play at Aveley in front of no one and you’ve got to wonder what’s the actually point. And what about Dulwich Hamlet, who bring carnival to football matches. Despite still attracting massive crowds they could be relegated from the Isthmian Premier. I know crowds aren’t everything but blimey, too much partying and not enough concentrating on the football?

The Southern Premier? Well no one wants a trip to the permanently angry Havant and Watermoanville. And we went to Gloucester to watch Truro play their home games. Maybe that’s why Truro’s attendances are now up over 600% ! I’ve been to Totton's old ground but not been to the new one; the New Forest is nice and also has donkeys but last time I ended up in Mrs. Miggins tea shop when looking for some food. So let’s go for Dorchester, so we can stay in Weymouth on the razzle as its much more fun than that sleepy market town.

As for next season and what Slough supporters want. I will leave you with a quote from the editor of the entertaining ‘Where's the Bar?’ Fanzine. ‘Wealdstone are now in their fifth season back in the National League; for a while the idea of visiting Wrexham, Notts County, Grimsby or Stockport as equals filled al us Stones fans whatever our age with a warm glow. But these trips are starting to remind me why I follow non league in the first place: rolling out of the bar just before kick off, standing where you want, changing ends at half time, plenty of opportunity to exchange opinions with the locals. At Oldham the seventy seven Wealdstone supporters were herded into the most distant corner of a totally empty stand, not allowed near the pitch, not allowed behind the goal, policed by an army of jack booted stewards….The National League is non-league football...it would be nice if some of its constituent clubs remembered this and dropped their delusions of grandeur.’

As I handed over my £20 to be stuck in the corner with no bar and nothing to eat at Torquay I know what he meant. Deano spent the majority of the game having to move the flags by stewards who seemed to be fed up with ridiculous rules being fostered on us. I did manage to persuade them that the tambourine was part of my Morris Dancing religion. Really tho, your Division 6, act like it.

And as the results rolled in, we were safe and another season of National League South will do me just fine.

DONKEY RIDING

 

Printed in the National League South game v Aveley Saturday 5th April 2025 We won 3-0 in front of 751  

Football is a welcome distraction in a world full of tyrants and people who only seem to want to inflict misery on us all. A bit of fun which we’ve had in bucketfuls supporting Slough Town over the past few weeks; even two poor away performances couldn’t dampen the spirits. Well, they did a bit, but hey ho.

Still, what a day at Hornchurch. It started with an Upminster pub crawl where Doable Dave recalled his pooh sticks experiment in the Bath City men's urinals, where the loos are so ancient they’ve got a National Trust protection order. His stick floated through the men's to the ladies loos and into, well I dread to think where, knowing how much has been invested in our sewage systems. That was apparently as exciting as the Bath game got. We then met some Tamworth fans in another uncomfortable Taproom where I needed a step ladder to get onto the chairs. They moaned about the National League because of the lack of real ales in nearby neighbourhoods and had taken a detour to drink some flat liquid that contained centipede legs and eye of newt sprinkled with essence of arsenic. I’m not sure what I ordered, but I think I found where Dave’s pooh stick ended up. Mind you, the Brown Boys did enjoy the Great Wall of Cider while Gaz got given a dog bowl. Meanwhile, at the ground Andy the Map had led half the away support to a housing estate rather than a watering hole because, well he had his map upside down. At half time you had to call a cab to get to the bar as it was so far away and at 2-1 down after 45 minutes, you couldn’t help think - here we go again. But finally, finally, we won away and the Slough supporters partied like, well like we hadn’t won away for four months.

Non League Day was fun with bells on and somehow it felt even more special this time round; so many deals across the country – crowds up 12% since last year with a total attendance in Steps 1-4 of nearly 150,000. It was no different at Arbour Park. Bumper crowd, queues at the turnstiles, youngsters everywhere and a brilliant turn out from Enfield Town supporters who most Slough fans agreed would like them to say up. Deano had been on the piste skiing and missed the fun at Hornchurch but was back in time for his debut in the dugout with his Supporters Trust sidekick Richard, becoming co-assistant managers for the day. Let’s just say ‘You’re getting sacked in the morning’ before a ball had even been kicked was probably the most polite chant they got all game. Hopefully we raised lots of money for Thames Hospice along with another precious point towards safety.

Weymouth should be given an extra 10 points at the beginning of the season, just cos its such a great place to visit. Although I suppose on that logic Canvey Island would be relegated before a ball was even kicked. Bars, beach, a harbour and more bars, and it always seems sunny– you can even ride on a donkey if you’re that way inclined. And I’m not sure if Mitch, Caz, a freshly shaven Cameron and the gang are still in some nightclub enjoying 90’s songs on repeat.

Pre match we danced with the mascot and the DJ played ParkLife. The write up of the game said our ‘raucous following deserved a far better showing’ because, well the least said about the football the better.

The first time Slough played in Weymouth, Keiran WonderWall proposed to my missus on the beach, while I was fetching ice creams for the kids. Infact Weymouth away should have been one of those Kieran adventures. As we belted out his song with one of his daughters at the Farnborough home game, Siobhan Wall then played a post match set in the main bar. As I legged it back to Brighton I still had his song ringing in my ears.

So ditch that Premier League habit, it’s full of delusional everyones-out-to-get-us top six conspiracy theorists, dodgy owners that would make the Krays blush, and sit down/shut up stewarding– and all this jazz will cost you a fortune. Instead why not join the Rebel Rabble for some adventures of a lifetime, where you wake up on a Sunday morning still smiling. Or clinging onto a donkey for dear life.

D.I.Y.

 

Printed in the National League South game v Enfield Town Saturday 22nd March 2025  We drew 1-1 in front of 1,336 on Non League Day

As I hurtle towards 60 years on this planet I can’t help but think about events that shaped me. Unsurprisingly, many of them are football related. I can still hear that roar when Yeovil scored a last minute winner to knock Slough out of the FA Cup and send them into the third round proper, while their supporters spent the day trying to knock us out. I have wished ill on that club and the Wurzels ever since.

I grew up listening to anarchist punk music – which had a DIY ethos running through it, which basically means - if you want to change the world, don’t wait for governments, Do It Yourself.

Another pivotal moment was the miners strike, with this month marking the 40th anniversary of the end of a bitter dispute that still shapes our country today. Like many from Slough, half my family originated from the Valleys. One of my first memories is the smell of Welsh cakes cooked by my granny, when she lived on the Wexham estate. And one of my abiding memories is visiting a small pit village during the strike in the middle of nowhere and being welcomed with open arms – despite our differences – because of our support. Seeing their self organisation against overwhelming odds was inspiring.

The Politics of Thatcher defeated Britain's strongest union; the pits closed, their communities were destroyed with no thought of what could replace them

What has followed has been a stripping and selling off of England. We have the most expensive energy in Europe, the most expensive rail fairs in Europe and the dirtiest rivers, while all the money that should have been invested in infrastructure has been siphoned off. We have a housing crisis and our football is run like a financial wild west. Our places to meet have been closed, instead we are stuck on our phones where self-styled social influencers tell us the best colour to paint our nails or what pants to wear. Even those who’ve done well out of it all don’t seem happy; going red in the face and pointing that it’s those people over there who are ruining it all – get rid of them and it will all be milk and honey. We’ve heard that before, and it didn’t end well.

Admist all this, there’s always been people doing amazing things, taking risks and breaking new ground. Enfield Town are one of these. After they lost their ground and couldn’t see a future with their former chairman in charge, a group got together and in 2001 formed the first supporters owned football club in the country. It was a pivotal moment that often goes under the radar, and I really don’t think the Towners get enough credit for this; paving the way for amongst others, Northampton Town, Exeter City, FC United of Manchester and AFC Wimbledon. In less than half a century, they’ve clambered up the leagues and got themselves a new home in the Borough of Enfield.

Being a football owned club has bought real success for Enfield Town. So I spoke to Barry who writes the Cold End blog

What are the challenges of being supporters run in the National League South?

“The obvious answer is money. As a fan owned club we haven't got the budget the bigger clubs in the division have but, like the majority of non-league clubs, we do have some truly amazing volunteers who give up lots of their free time to help run the club.”

How do you find the finance to compete against the bigger full time clubs in the league?

“To challenge in this league we will need more investment but one of the sticking points is if someone wants to put a large amount of money into a club they usually want to have full control which can't happen under our current constitution and membership. Saying that over the last fifteen games in the form

table we are above Torquay United, Boreham Wood, Maidstone United and Hornchurch to name a few teams so having a bigger budget doesn't always guarantee success.”

What do you see for the future of Enfield Town in the next few years?

“Hopefully we'll be an established Step Two side with a new stand set to be built and ground improvements in place by the end of the season. The players and management have put in an immense effort over the last few months to get us out of the drop zone which is an amazing achievement considering where we were in the league on New Years Day. Our Manager Gavin MacPherson is experienced enough to be taking one game at a time for now as we definitely aren't safe from relegation yet!

“The one thing many fans want is a FA Cup run to the First Round and a game on TV against a football league club - that would be brilliant. As you are similar to size and supporter numbers to us we need to look at clubs like Slough Town as an example of how to survive at this level and then push onwards and upwards from there. When you thrashed us at our place earlier in the season it was a real wake up call as to how competitive The National League South is - Scott Davies has done great job especially in picking up some impressive players from lower down the pyramid like David Ogbonna from Hertford Town.”

Football might not change the world, but it can give moments of great joy – just look at Newcastle fans after that Dan Burn goal and then winning the League Cup. Or Slough fans in Hornchurch last Saturday after we finally won away. But most importantly it can bring people together. In a world of isolation and extremism that’s got to worth something to cheer about.

PRAYING FOR POINTS

 

Pinted in the National League South game v Farnborough Saturday 8th March 2025  We drew 1-1 in front of 1,017

Slough Town away is always an adventure and last Saturdays trip to Welling was as hectic as Piccadilly Circus – which was just one stop away from my hotel room in Leicester Square. Now Leicester Square isn’t exactly on my go-to list. The Tourist destination as busy at 3 in the morning as 3 in the afternoon. But we were going to a Bar Mitzvah. This entailed Friday night dinner, Saturday morning synagogue finishing off with a party in the evening at a posh hotel in Leicester Square – with the Welling game jammed inbetween.

Having a Jewish partner for many years, I’ve come to respect the support there is for their community and I wish there was a coming of age for all children. A Bar Mitzvah is a big thing, takes a lot of work to prepare, learning Hebrew, interpreting text, writing a speech and singing songs. It must be daunting for the person undertaking it but marking it is really important to the Jewish community. And they always seem to end up with a massive party and a free bar.

In one of the prayers, mingled in with the Hebrew, they talked about peace ‘May it be Your will, that war and bloodshed be abolished from the world, that a great and wondrous peace rule forever, that never again shall nation lift up sword against nation, and never again shall they train for war. But may all who dwell on the earth recognise and understand the basic truth : that we have not come into this world for strife and division, nor for hate and jealousy, contrariness and bloodshed.’

Everyone talks the peace talk but that doesn’t seem to be working out so well. Still, I was as shocked as most of the sane world, to see the Ukrainian president being berated for the cheek of being invaded by Russia. How dare he not kneel on the floor and be externally grateful to America. Not sign over all his countries minerals. And, and this is really the most important thing when your country is at war – not wear a suit. This is a new America, and its run like the mafia now.

So where does this apparent siding of America with Russia leave us all? I dread to think and I dread to think of my boys having to fight in wars that politicians children – and of course Trump himself – will always find a way to avoid.

In the bars at Welling, it was points not peace on the minds of Slough supporters, nervously looking over their shoulders at that bottom four back door.

I think its fair to say Welling's ground is falling down, a muddy grassless pitch with talk of redevelopment that seems to have dragged on for years. As we crammed into one of the stands, being careful not to get speared by those anti-pigeon spikes, the good supporters of Slough didn’t stop singing despite not having won away since the parting of the Red Sea.

Maybe the earlier points failure at Slough the station was a bad omen; and at half time 2-0 down it looked like it would be another points failure for Slough the football team. In the end we fought back and got a credible draw – another point towards staying in this brutal unforgiving league, while Welling perch precariously close to the drop. I hope they stay up; they’ve still got a proper high street jammed full of pubs. But until they get that ground sorted its hard to see much of a future apart from endless relegation battles.

So a weekend of football, music, food, prayer and the odd pint. When you boil it all down, its all about being part of something, about belonging. Which is exactly what supporting a football team should also be about. Luckily we’ve got the Slough Town community part in bucketfuls. Let’s pray for a few more points and a relaxing end to the season. And of course, some peace.

DER, DER, DER FOOTBALL ON A TIN MINE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Chippenham Town Tuesday 25th February 2025  We lost  2-1 in front of 449

Picture by Scott McNeish

Everyone loves a trip to Cornwall, but maybe not in a day. The last time I went to Truro it involved a military style operation that started at 4am and lasted 22 hours and included a broken down train, a broken down coach and a 1-0 loss in the freezing cold with a bunch of Neanderthals telling us what they thought of Slough the town.

So this was my first time back to watch the Rebels in Cornwall with the offer of a lift too good to turn down, especially as only Harland now on half a million a week wages could afford the train to Truro. I love getting the train but the cheapest ticket from Brighton was £130, but you had to hop on one leg and go via Camberwick Green to get that.

This was a lot more refined. Andy the driver regaled us with his plumbing song as we hurtled down the motorway, while Big Flag Rich, Deano and Rick talked about mushrooms cleaning up waste, evolution and being trapped in a submarine; time flew past. Before we knew it we were in a local pub near their out of town, half built new ground – it would just be nice if there were signs pointing us in the right direction.

These past years have certainty been eventful for Truro; like some Cornish tin mine soap opera. Propelled up the leagues by a property developer, they won the FA Vase and became the highest ranked Cornish team in the country. The owner then went bust and they teetered on administration and clung onto their old ground while vainly hunting for a new one; playing home games at Torquay, Plymouth Parkway, then finally Gloucester – a mere four hours from home – as the west county sunk under the endless rain and pitches became only fit for water polo.

So you’ve got to wiggle your bobble hat to them for staying up last season. There new ground was finally opened and it has helped them build a formidable side with very decent crowds and owners who want to do a Wrexham and get in the football league.

Slough have always had good away support with a big chunk of our home support up for travelling along with Slough exiles who have scattered across the country but often appear at away games. Our manager Scott posted ‘I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m shocked at how many people on this thread are heading down! Unbelievable commitment once again. Safe trip everyone! Thank you for the support.’ What is even more impressive, is the fact that we’ve hardly won away this season. Still football supporters are always optimistic especially after the Rebels from Slough dismantled the high flying Rebels from Sussex in arguably our best game of the season – just a few days after possibly our worst away at St. Albans. Football eh!

In the end, after an impressive first half where the Truro keeper pulled off three unbelievable saves we left empty handed. Not even a soggy pasty. As we hurtled back on the McNeish mobile disco it felt right that I finished the day with a drink in the Wheatsheaf and an impromptu drum and triangle session, raising a glass to Joss Jackman reaching 300 games for the Rebels. Let’s hope his next 300 hundred are a bit nearer to home.

So could Truro City became the first ever Cornish team in the football league? Maybe. It’s a big enough catchment area but I’ve heard over the years from Torquay and even Weymouth supporters how it’s hard to attract certain players because of their geography. Still who knows, next season it might be Truro v Gateshead – that’s certainly not one for those who suffer from travel sickness.

3 UP AND 3 POINTS

 

Printed in the National League South game v Worthing Saturday 15th February 2025  We won 4-0 in front of 783

Well, that felt good. After two months without a win (but two credible draws against Torquay and Eastbourne) we finally tasted victory against a Maidstone side who must hate coming to Arbour Park. ‘Get your Ed-on that’ as someone witty put it. After the whistle, we serenaded the players and our manager Scott Davies admitted it had been consuming him and he could actually sleep tonight – well that’s if his newborn would let him. Maidstone were probably the best supported club we’ve had here all season and at one point outnumbered Slough supporters in the Wheatsheaf about 10 to 1. Amazing what the offer of free food can do!

In other news every club in the National League has got behind the 3UP to the English Football League campaign. It’s a no brainer. Just two promotion spots has created a bottle neck that has filtered down to the north and south divisions – pushing finances to the limit just to try and compete.

Today's opponents manager has said that if Worthing want to reach their full potential they will have to go full time and he reckons in a few years most clubs at our level will be. Where the money will come from to pay for that is another matter but the National League are already going to introduce financial rules that align with the English Football League.

No club that's ever been promoted from the National League has come straight back down while the majority that have been relegated have struggled to escape their lower league purgatory and failed to bounce back straight away. Those current league clubs might be Turkeys voting for Christmas, but they will appreciate that extra place if they ever grace themselves in what Sutton supporters dubbed the Bastard League.

The English Football pyramid is the envy of the world we are often told, which is why of course they stopped financial lifelines like FA Cup replays.

The Rebels from Worthing have been Sloughs opponents for many a season and visiting them, it always felt like the club had so much potential, but was run like some meat raffle mentality dusty old working men's club. In January 2015 the playing budget was cut with huge debts and their future looked in serious doubt. Then along came George Dowell. After his football career was cut short from a car accident that left him paralysed, at just 21 he became the UK’s youngest football chairman.

He set about transforming the club; ground improvements, 4G pitch, refurbished clubhouses – oh and better players and some even better managers. There’s a fantastic feel to the place, the footballs flowing and crowds have rocketed, the food is edible and quite a few Brighton supporters I know have swapped the Amex for Woodside Road. The only downside is that some of their stewards could do with lessons in not creating the situations they are employed to diffuse. They would do well, to look at how the ones at Slough deal with issues.

Tuesday night it was off to a park to watch some football. There can’t be many grounds that are based in a park, but then St. Albans is quite an unusual, unique place with every other pub claiming to the oldest in England. Their ground is a cross between the antiques roadshow and the trendy Laines of Brighton with micropubs at each corner. Lenchy's dad said it was the best football club pub crawl he’s done in ages! The West Ham boys had their very own tour guide, who managed to get us lost trying to find a pub and said she only went to the football for the chicken. In the end Slough served up a dollop of tripe.

Our club is seriously punching above its weight, the fact that Dartford went down last season, and St Albans struggling this season just shows the strength of the league. But in terms of the size of the town, there is so much potential for growth and every week there’s new initiatives happening – the latest being a new football development officer starting their post with a brand-new schools programme.

The jump up to the National League is as brutal as the Championship to the Premier League. Let’s see if the new Independent Football Regulator knocks some sense into its wild west finances, and that its the football on the pitch not just how much you have in your pocket that occasionally wins you games.

CAMBERWICK GREEN

Printed in the National League South game v Maidstone United Saturday 8th February 2025  We finally won a game of football. 1-0 in front of 937

Remember Camberwick Green? I’ll forgive you if you don’t cos it was on TV in the early 70’s; but I reckon Dorking is a version of the old children's programme 50 years on. It’s high street snakes up the hill, with enough independent butchers and bakers to shake a scented candle stick maker at. It’s got a pleasing amount of hostelries – which would make Windy Miller raise his flagon of ale. Neither Wetherspoons or McDonalds have managed to stink up the place. It’s no real surprise that it’s a Liberal Democrat constituency with the buses stopping at 8pm to make sure everyone is tucked up in bed ready for tomorrows episode.

Last Saturdays programme featured Slough, who had given the Dorks a bloody nose one fabulous Arbour Park Tuesday night in November. The owner Marc White has made a name for himself and can pull in a crowd. And he likes the Slough lot, well what’s not too like?

A hero to some, but if you stay long enough in any town, there will be old school companions who are less than complimentary. Stick your head above the parapet and someone will want to shoot it off and its fair to say that Mr.White likes to wave his baseball covered head in the air a lot. And why not when the team you founded has come from nothing to rocket up the leagues, built a new stadium, become the main Dorking team and pull in decent crowds for a sleepy market town. Infact their ground is complete revamp of where Dorking used to play but the man in the pub said the old ground was falling down and that the original Dorking were playing miles away in front of 50 people before they decided to call it a day. It was time for him to switch to Wanderers.

It’s been a hokey-cokey in-out in-out player reshuffle at Slough for this episode, with the biggest news Leon Parillion going to Southend United to play full time football. We got some cash and I hear a sell on clause. This isn’t really surprising as he has been brilliant. As Chris Ashby put it so well. ‘Our very own Rolls-Royce has left the garage. I look forward to seeing you in the League. Thanks for the memories, we’ll always have Torquay.’

As we congregated in the local Inns I don’t think even the most optimistic of Rebels expected much; maybe chips in the away end and a decent bin to hit? In the end it was a 3-1 defeat, no chips and a really poor bin effort that stunk the place out. Young acrobatic Alfie managed to hang onto terraces while bashing drumsticks in rhythm on the metal roof. Some feat. The stewards were decent and so were most of their supporters. Well they do shop in Waitrose as we reminded the young cous-cous crew who wanted to goad us or maybe just ask us for our MarsBar recipe. Sue told someone off on twitter for being rude and their parents stepped in to tell him off. Well, maybe.

It was a welcome return of Edon Pruti my man of the match alongside our goalkeeper Charlie Horlock. Despite not having lots of cash to flash, one of the reasons we can attract players is they can see that Slough can be a stepping stone to greater things and Edon spoke about this in his post match interview. I think that was after he was grabbed by Clubshop Sue and put in an after match strangle hold like some new workplace initiation ceremony.

The short term aim is now avoiding relegation. I know our owners are trying to build a sustainable football club so we can compete and Scott Davies is already talking about signings and planning for next season. A few more wins would help with any jitters we are feeling.

As me and Postie Gaz had an aftermatch aperitif and we chatted to the friendly locals, I was informed that the trains had gone to pot as is obligatory on a Saturday night. So what are the chances of bumping into a Slough supporter living in Brighton who got his wife to drive up to Dorking and bring us back home.

Are Dorking going up? I hope not, cos its more fun to visit than other places. Their ground is a bit soulless with just two proper ends but I’ve heard of ambitions to expand to 10,000 stadium which surely is the whole population of Camberwick? But its tight at the top with five teams level on points. It’s good the National League feeder leagues are competitive but the majority of top teams are full time or have hybrid training whatever that means.

Next up is another team challenging for promotion. Maidstone United. I know it can be frustrating and no one likes losing , but our support really is something else – as acknowledged by the management team after the game. Let’s keep doing what we are doing. Maybe they will make a children's TV show about us all.