FROM ROYALTY TO RUBBISH

 

Printed in the National League South game v St.Albans City Tuesday 22nd October 2024  We drew 2-2 in front of 730

So what have we learnt from this years FA Cup adventure? Chichester is a Diocese, Chathams a friendly town where everyone sounds like they’re from Slough and Woking? Well it has random statutes in the High Street and you are allowed to elbow people in the head before you score a goal.

It also came to pass that replays are for only for lower pond weed football clubs. This is because there are too many games for league teams and it’s given them a migraine. Which is why they have introduced the National League competition, the Champions League Matrix and the Vic Nasal Spray Cup to ease congestion. 

Once again we were treated to some good old National League hospitality. If you want to stand at Woking there’s no cover, no bar, hot food that’s cold, squeezy cheese from a bottle and even worse toilets that look like said squeezy cheese has been sprayed over them. All yours for £18. Infact there’s a proscribed list for away fans that dictatorships would be proud of. As for the disabled toilet this was through a dilapidated gate, over some gravel and oh, mind the hosepipe. The very essence of accessibility.

Nick the Trumpet was escorted by Chief Steward 007 back to his car to put his illegal weapon away. Clubshop Sue wasn’t allowed her umbrella despite the rain threatening to mess up her hair. 'It's against the rules'. But how about dirty toilets and uncooked food being against the rules?

In contrast Chatham gave us a great away day and welcomed the Rebel Rabble with open arms. It felt like a club on the up. Infact the only hostility we got was a Percy pig sweet thrown at us. Even then, at the end of the game a sorry looking lad apologised for that. The first pub we went in and the landlord said his mum and dad used to run the Merrymakers in Langley! One bloke said he went to one game in the not so distant past where there were 24 people, now crowds averaged nearly a thousand last season. They have a decent clubhouse both sides of the ground, youngsters in club colours, TV’s everywhere and a stand that we would like to steal one dark night when no one was looking. You could see the game, the acoustics were spot on and as for the sounds from the sticks. It felt like being in our old oil drum bashing band Oi, Leave It Out. Like playing in the Albert Hall. Not that we ever played at the Albert Hall more like the old Prince of Wales (now a McDonalds) and manky squats in London (now probably renovated and worth millions). Maybe we will get a blue plaque?

What also became apparent was that the Slough youngsters are taking over with the songs, noise and atmosphere. If the crowd was good at Chatham, it was off the scale at Woking where we had our biggest away following since that famous win at Kings Lynn with at least 400 + Rebels making the trip.

After our Aveley pitstop in Rainham, Spreadsheet Stu has now got a taste for workingmens clubs, the trick is getting in. Thanks to a friendly phone call the night before they let me into the Woking Railway Athletic Club after the manager looked me up and down and said I didn’t look like trouble – apart from those piercings! It was bustling at 11.30 and had everything you would expect including home made rolls, pints for £3.25 and a meat raffle.

Next stop was the Sovereign where half the away coach and more Rebels had descended. The pub was where Woking Football Club held its first meeting in 1887 to announce that the the town now had a football club. It was then called the Railway Hotel. They also used to be nicknamed the Cremators which sounds like a ska band featuring a trumpet which was no doubt confiscated.

Matchdays are now a catwalk when you’re with Alan Brown with his flamboyant bespoke shirts. He even had women chasing him up Woking High Street asking about his top like some Benny Hill sketch. As we left the Sovereign and made our way through gardens and Westfield Football Club, woman swooned, the rain stopped and the sun came out.

And so our FA Cup adventure ended with a fuming Scott Davies and even their stewards asking how we didn’t win the game. I wish Woking – and Bromley – nothing but relegation and sorrow. And getting 007 to crawl on his hands and knees and scrub those toilets as part of his hospitality challenged punishment. Sorry, but thems the rules mate.

POLITICS ON THE EDGE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Tonbridge Angels Saturday 5th October 2024  We won 3-1 in front of 1202

Scott Davies recently gave an indepth interview into life as Slough Towns manager. What really came across was the effort and hours he puts in. The preparation on teams we face, the endless phone calls, the attention to the detail. Then all of this hidden work comes down to ninety minutes on the pitch; a moment of brilliance, a silly mistake, an injury to a key player, that can decide a game and pile pressure on those at the top if their team starts losing more than they are winning.

The further you go up the football tree the more this intensifies. Just look at the recent Man City-Arsenal game descending into a bubble of rage that ends up as conspiracy theories on how their teams were slighted. Some people seriously need to get a life.

I’m really not into conspiracy theories – I know we are all trying to make sense of a chaotic world; that things get hushed up, real issues get ignored, powerful people and organisations get together to try and get their way. 

When I sometimes catch the news it’s just small, easy to digest soundbites that give me no idea of what’s really happening, but seem to want to put us in a permanent rage or even worse, a sense of powerlessness. Social Media is even more toxic, where people scream away in their echo chamber. If only the world was as black and white.

So ladies and gentlemen I give you books, where you are given time to understand and properly digest a subject. And for the best insight into the way our country has been run, you’d be hard pressed to find a better book than Rory Stewart's ‘Politics On the Edge.’ Stewart is hardly an establishment outsider – after going to Eton and Oxford, he served as a soldier, a diplomat in Iraq after the war, a charity relief specialist in Afghanistan and became a Harvard professor - but he definitely thinks outside the box.

Stewart joined the Conservatives, stood for the rural constituency of Cumbria and became an MP. Part of that journey was literally taking a journey that involved walking relentless miles that make up the vast constituency to talk to people. And that’s where his strength lies. People warmed to his willingness to get involved and once elected, he morphs into an archetypal local MP. Fighting against fire station and cinema closures, and pushing for better broadband and for more local investment, helping individuals out when the state goes into computer-says-no mode. Reading this book you realise that backbench MPs have a lot less power than people think but can be most effective supporting local campaigns – infact he realises that it’s people coming together to make a difference that is key.

But he also quickly realises that you have to toe the party line when the Chief Whip tells the new intake of MP’s – to vote on your conscience was to be a fool and ensure you were never promoted to be a minister.

Stewart also puts in the miles to understand his ministerial briefs - everything from flood response and prison violence, engaging with conflict and poverty abroad as a foreign minister, and Brexit as a Cabinet minister. And during all this Stewart learned first-hand how profoundly hollow our democracy and government had become.

As Lord Hennessy put it “Cronyism, ignorance and sheer incompetence ran rampant. Around him, individual politicians laid the foundations for the political and economic chaos of today. Stewart emerged battered but with a profound affection for his constituency of Penrith and the Border, and a deep direct insight into the era of populism and global conflict.”

The book is a must read for those who want to find out how things work. It’s enlightening, riveting and painful, exposes the glaring inadequacies of the dysfunctional way in which Britain is governed.

But I also got a lot of positives from it. We all like to blame the council, the boss, the government, when things don’t go our way. And often you’d be right. But I take the view, that if we want change then we don’t ask but we make our neighbourhoods better places by getting involved. If our local park is a tip, organise a litter pick and campaign for better play equipment. Open a pub that is more than just a pub but a community centre that delivers lots of different activities (really easy, I know). Lets get involved in our local football club. As Stewart says in the book ‘The more inert, depressing and shallow Parliament and government seemed, the more I was drawn to the truth and potential of local communities.’

As for Slough Town. With the council in a financial death loop, the club are in a unique position. A moment in time where they can really shine as one of the key players in the town. Although they shouldn’t replace essential statutory services, the signing of the 50 year lease means the club has a massive opportunity to make Arbour Park work not just for the football club but to make a massive difference whatever is happening in government. Yes of course we all want to win football matches, but let’s also celebrate our club as the place to bring people together.

Right, I’m off to my local bookshop.

* Rory Stewart ‘Politics on the Edge’ published by Jonathan Cape. Support your local bookshop rather than Amazon You can also listen to him on ‘The rest is politics’ podcasts co-hosted with Alastair Campbell.