DER, DER, DER FOOTBALL ON A TIN MINE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Chippenham Town Tuesday 25th February 2025  We lost  2-1 in front of 449

Picture by Scott McNeish

Everyone loves a trip to Cornwall, but maybe not in a day. The last time I went to Truro it involved a military style operation that started at 4am and lasted 22 hours and included a broken down train, a broken down coach and a 1-0 loss in the freezing cold with a bunch of Neanderthals telling us what they thought of Slough the town.

So this was my first time back to watch the Rebels in Cornwall with the offer of a lift too good to turn down, especially as only Harland now on half a million a week wages could afford the train to Truro. I love getting the train but the cheapest ticket from Brighton was £130, but you had to hop on one leg and go via Camberwick Green to get that.

This was a lot more refined. Andy the driver regaled us with his plumbing song as we hurtled down the motorway, while Big Flag Rich, Deano and Rick talked about mushrooms cleaning up waste, evolution and being trapped in a submarine; time flew past. Before we knew it we were in a local pub near their out of town, half built new ground – it would just be nice if there were signs pointing us in the right direction.

These past years have certainty been eventful for Truro; like some Cornish tin mine soap opera. Propelled up the leagues by a property developer, they won the FA Vase and became the highest ranked Cornish team in the country. The owner then went bust and they teetered on administration and clung onto their old ground while vainly hunting for a new one; playing home games at Torquay, Plymouth Parkway, then finally Gloucester – a mere four hours from home – as the west county sunk under the endless rain and pitches became only fit for water polo.

So you’ve got to wiggle your bobble hat to them for staying up last season. There new ground was finally opened and it has helped them build a formidable side with very decent crowds and owners who want to do a Wrexham and get in the football league.

Slough have always had good away support with a big chunk of our home support up for travelling along with Slough exiles who have scattered across the country but often appear at away games. Our manager Scott posted ‘I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m shocked at how many people on this thread are heading down! Unbelievable commitment once again. Safe trip everyone! Thank you for the support.’ What is even more impressive, is the fact that we’ve hardly won away this season. Still football supporters are always optimistic especially after the Rebels from Slough dismantled the high flying Rebels from Sussex in arguably our best game of the season – just a few days after possibly our worst away at St. Albans. Football eh!

In the end, after an impressive first half where the Truro keeper pulled off three unbelievable saves we left empty handed. Not even a soggy pasty. As we hurtled back on the McNeish mobile disco it felt right that I finished the day with a drink in the Wheatsheaf and an impromptu drum and triangle session, raising a glass to Joss Jackman reaching 300 games for the Rebels. Let’s hope his next 300 hundred are a bit nearer to home.

So could Truro City became the first ever Cornish team in the football league? Maybe. It’s a big enough catchment area but I’ve heard over the years from Torquay and even Weymouth supporters how it’s hard to attract certain players because of their geography. Still who knows, next season it might be Truro v Gateshead – that’s certainly not one for those who suffer from travel sickness.

3 UP AND 3 POINTS

 

Printed in the National League South game v Worthing Saturday 15th February 2025  We won 4-0 in front of 783

Well, that felt good. After two months without a win (but two credible draws against Torquay and Eastbourne) we finally tasted victory against a Maidstone side who must hate coming to Arbour Park. ‘Get your Ed-on that’ as someone witty put it. After the whistle, we serenaded the players and our manager Scott Davies admitted it had been consuming him and he could actually sleep tonight – well that’s if his newborn would let him. Maidstone were probably the best supported club we’ve had here all season and at one point outnumbered Slough supporters in the Wheatsheaf about 10 to 1. Amazing what the offer of free food can do!

In other news every club in the National League has got behind the 3UP to the English Football League campaign. It’s a no brainer. Just two promotion spots has created a bottle neck that has filtered down to the north and south divisions – pushing finances to the limit just to try and compete.

Today's opponents manager has said that if Worthing want to reach their full potential they will have to go full time and he reckons in a few years most clubs at our level will be. Where the money will come from to pay for that is another matter but the National League are already going to introduce financial rules that align with the English Football League.

No club that's ever been promoted from the National League has come straight back down while the majority that have been relegated have struggled to escape their lower league purgatory and failed to bounce back straight away. Those current league clubs might be Turkeys voting for Christmas, but they will appreciate that extra place if they ever grace themselves in what Sutton supporters dubbed the Bastard League.

The English Football pyramid is the envy of the world we are often told, which is why of course they stopped financial lifelines like FA Cup replays.

The Rebels from Worthing have been Sloughs opponents for many a season and visiting them, it always felt like the club had so much potential, but was run like some meat raffle mentality dusty old working men's club. In January 2015 the playing budget was cut with huge debts and their future looked in serious doubt. Then along came George Dowell. After his football career was cut short from a car accident that left him paralysed, at just 21 he became the UK’s youngest football chairman.

He set about transforming the club; ground improvements, 4G pitch, refurbished clubhouses – oh and better players and some even better managers. There’s a fantastic feel to the place, the footballs flowing and crowds have rocketed, the food is edible and quite a few Brighton supporters I know have swapped the Amex for Woodside Road. The only downside is that some of their stewards could do with lessons in not creating the situations they are employed to diffuse. They would do well, to look at how the ones at Slough deal with issues.

Tuesday night it was off to a park to watch some football. There can’t be many grounds that are based in a park, but then St. Albans is quite an unusual, unique place with every other pub claiming to the oldest in England. Their ground is a cross between the antiques roadshow and the trendy Laines of Brighton with micropubs at each corner. Lenchy's dad said it was the best football club pub crawl he’s done in ages! The West Ham boys had their very own tour guide, who managed to get us lost trying to find a pub and said she only went to the football for the chicken. In the end Slough served up a dollop of tripe.

Our club is seriously punching above its weight, the fact that Dartford went down last season, and St Albans struggling this season just shows the strength of the league. But in terms of the size of the town, there is so much potential for growth and every week there’s new initiatives happening – the latest being a new football development officer starting their post with a brand-new schools programme.

The jump up to the National League is as brutal as the Championship to the Premier League. Let’s see if the new Independent Football Regulator knocks some sense into its wild west finances, and that its the football on the pitch not just how much you have in your pocket that occasionally wins you games.

CAMBERWICK GREEN

Printed in the National League South game v Maidstone United Saturday 8th February 2025  We finally won a game of football. 1-0 in front of 937

Remember Camberwick Green? I’ll forgive you if you don’t cos it was on TV in the early 70’s; but I reckon Dorking is a version of the old children's programme 50 years on. It’s high street snakes up the hill, with enough independent butchers and bakers to shake a scented candle stick maker at. It’s got a pleasing amount of hostelries – which would make Windy Miller raise his flagon of ale. Neither Wetherspoons or McDonalds have managed to stink up the place. It’s no real surprise that it’s a Liberal Democrat constituency with the buses stopping at 8pm to make sure everyone is tucked up in bed ready for tomorrows episode.

Last Saturdays programme featured Slough, who had given the Dorks a bloody nose one fabulous Arbour Park Tuesday night in November. The owner Marc White has made a name for himself and can pull in a crowd. And he likes the Slough lot, well what’s not too like?

A hero to some, but if you stay long enough in any town, there will be old school companions who are less than complimentary. Stick your head above the parapet and someone will want to shoot it off and its fair to say that Mr.White likes to wave his baseball covered head in the air a lot. And why not when the team you founded has come from nothing to rocket up the leagues, built a new stadium, become the main Dorking team and pull in decent crowds for a sleepy market town. Infact their ground is complete revamp of where Dorking used to play but the man in the pub said the old ground was falling down and that the original Dorking were playing miles away in front of 50 people before they decided to call it a day. It was time for him to switch to Wanderers.

It’s been a hokey-cokey in-out in-out player reshuffle at Slough for this episode, with the biggest news Leon Parillion going to Southend United to play full time football. We got some cash and I hear a sell on clause. This isn’t really surprising as he has been brilliant. As Chris Ashby put it so well. ‘Our very own Rolls-Royce has left the garage. I look forward to seeing you in the League. Thanks for the memories, we’ll always have Torquay.’

As we congregated in the local Inns I don’t think even the most optimistic of Rebels expected much; maybe chips in the away end and a decent bin to hit? In the end it was a 3-1 defeat, no chips and a really poor bin effort that stunk the place out. Young acrobatic Alfie managed to hang onto terraces while bashing drumsticks in rhythm on the metal roof. Some feat. The stewards were decent and so were most of their supporters. Well they do shop in Waitrose as we reminded the young cous-cous crew who wanted to goad us or maybe just ask us for our MarsBar recipe. Sue told someone off on twitter for being rude and their parents stepped in to tell him off. Well, maybe.

It was a welcome return of Edon Pruti my man of the match alongside our goalkeeper Charlie Horlock. Despite not having lots of cash to flash, one of the reasons we can attract players is they can see that Slough can be a stepping stone to greater things and Edon spoke about this in his post match interview. I think that was after he was grabbed by Clubshop Sue and put in an after match strangle hold like some new workplace initiation ceremony.

The short term aim is now avoiding relegation. I know our owners are trying to build a sustainable football club so we can compete and Scott Davies is already talking about signings and planning for next season. A few more wins would help with any jitters we are feeling.

As me and Postie Gaz had an aftermatch aperitif and we chatted to the friendly locals, I was informed that the trains had gone to pot as is obligatory on a Saturday night. So what are the chances of bumping into a Slough supporter living in Brighton who got his wife to drive up to Dorking and bring us back home.

Are Dorking going up? I hope not, cos its more fun to visit than other places. Their ground is a bit soulless with just two proper ends but I’ve heard of ambitions to expand to 10,000 stadium which surely is the whole population of Camberwick? But its tight at the top with five teams level on points. It’s good the National League feeder leagues are competitive but the majority of top teams are full time or have hybrid training whatever that means.

Next up is another team challenging for promotion. Maidstone United. I know it can be frustrating and no one likes losing , but our support really is something else – as acknowledged by the management team after the game. Let’s keep doing what we are doing. Maybe they will make a children's TV show about us all.