NO TIME TO GAMBLE

Published in the National League South game v Bath City on Saturday 31^st October 2020. We won 2-1 with another last minute goal

Plenty of people have said I need to be put in a darkened room for supporting Slough Town, and here I was watching in my office with a torch as a floodlight, shouting at my computer screen as Slough let their first half dominance come to nothing and finally lose 1-0 to today’s opponents.

I’m not sure we could have been dealt with harder FA Cup ties but I was half worried we would reach the Third Round for the first time ever and not be allowed to watch. While I’m grateful that the streaming is happening, it isn’t for me.

Still who needs the FA Cup when you win the lottery. In our case, £30,000 a month for the next three months to cover our lost gate revenue.

I must say as someone who runs a small charity that is always scrabbling round for pennies, I was somewhat surprised that the £10 million allocated to the National League came from the Lottery. I get that football clubs play an important part in their communities and run properly do a lot of good but with so many charities on the brink or struggling with increased demand, I'm not sure its the right pot of gold to come to our rescue.

More frustrating is the fact that I don’t think we need the money in the first place. Would it really take too much imagination to at least let National League North and South clubs have limited crowds? Please can someone explain to me why we can’t play in front of fans especially when so many other teams are allowed to play at Arbour Park?

This had even more poignancy with the passing of Clive Bailey, long term supporter and father of Mark, our community manager. These are exactly the times we need to be on the terraces supporting our mates.

After hearing government ministers saying that it would be allocated according to average attendances, it was teams in the National League who got the lions share no matter if they get 5,000 or 500 a game. While officials should have told everyone how they decided on the formula, instead they stayed silent. Now a raft of clubs have lined up to have a pop and there’s talk of a legal challenge.

I know football clubs like to gamble but I can’t get my head round some of the signings during Covid. Why do football club owners act like the Captain of the Titanic? We could all see the covid iceberg on the horizon so why ignore it, plough on and hope for the best.

I’m sure the £10 million could have been better spent towards free school meals to children. I really don’t like how Marcus Rashford has done the impossible, and made Man United vaguely likeable, the Whitehawk Ultras even managed a song. Sung to the Live Aid tune, ‘Feed the school children, don’t you know its Rashford time’ just pipped ‘Your just a chip shop in Sheppey’ aimed at the five Faversham Town fans to the number one slot at the Enclosed Ground.

And fair play to lower league clubs, who are grabbing their opportunity to pick up frustrated fans. Shoreham and Chalvey Sports directly tweeted me to come and watch them when I complained once again that I couldn’t support the elite Rebels. This direct appeal from lower league clubs is working a treat with Corinthian Casuals one of the best supported teams in the country last week with 600 people through the gate. Last weekend Brighton supporters sponsored the Whitehawk game while others are spearheading the campaign to get Southwick back home. There’s more youngsters in grounds and it’s just like the 1950s with hardly anything to do except work and watch football.

At Whitehawk the Brighton supporters behind us loved the fact that their were dogs in the ground and that subs had to collect wayward balls. Not in a condescending way, but in an enjoyable, I-will-come-again way with talk of half and half hawk/seagull tattoos and scarves. I reckon some Premier League fans will stick to lower leagues but it is a worry for clubs like Slough with Mark Bailey and others doing so much to increase our crowds; it will be a real blow to lose supporters the longer the lockout goes on.

What I would like is for clubs to come clean on costs. Not details of individual players wages but an idea of monthly outgoings and the shortfall, something for us supporters to rally round if we are asked to top it up. We know Slough run a tight ship, so maybe the £30,000 a month covers it, but who knows.

Who Knows - the perfect sponsors for the 2020/21 season.  

PARKLIFE

Published in the National League South game v Welling United Saturday 17^th October.  We drew 4-4 after two injury time goals in front of no one except

the disinfectant officers.

I spent last weekend watching park football, although unfortunately none of it at Arbour Park.

I went to see Southwick play Stedham United in the Sussex County Cup, then off to Little Common in Bexhill to watch my eldest narrowly lose in his Under 15s game.

While this was happening the top teams in the Premier League were acting like any moneylender; offering cash but with strings. Project Big Picture written to favour, would you believe, the Big Six clubs. A deal so bad even the government have told them to stop taking advantage of the pandemic while they hand over another £100 million to a pest control company. They will give cash to the lower leagues as long as they can never lose a game of football ever again, or something like that.

Meanwhile in another footballing universe, Southwick took the lead. The Wickers were relegated two divisions for trying to do the right thing, and were then thrown out of their ground by their council landlords who had let the place fall apart. They have got together with a football foundation to submit plans to go back home apparently with an all singing and dancing 3G pitch. Its the non-league no-brain future. Artificial Arbour Park is home to so many teams its in danger of breaking social distancing rules. I get the Southwick fan saying he loved the smell of grass and mud, but its hard to play football on bobbles, divots and dogshit.

At Little Common their pint size ground isn’t good enough for the first team to play in the Southern Combination and so they have spent the past 4 seasons away in Eastbourne (like Eastbourne really needs another non league club). The guy serving teas in the clubhouse said they had permission to enclose the ground and build a new stand to satisfy the ground grading Gestapo and should be moving back next season.

While Southwick ran out 5-1 winners, my twitter feed was going into meltdown. Brighton supporters with Sky, BT and Amazon subscriptions and season tickets they can’t use, have been told by the chief executive to stop expecting things for free and cough up nearly £15 per game if its not on those channels. This is the same man who doesn’t believe in a salary cap. He’s like the cornershop owner trying to keep up with the supermarket mafia until they trample all over his business model – a model suffering not because fans wont pay out but because of eye watering transfer fees and wages.

In the middle of a pandemic the Premier League have spent £1.2 billion between them on bringing in new recruits. I'm not sure my £15 to watch Brighton v West Brom in an empty stadium will really touch the sides.

As football journalist Henry Winter said “If you're really panicking about the amount of money you’re losing – and we all accept those numbers are significant – why not get together and agree a maximum spend in the last window rather paying £27m for a defender from Saint-Etienne, sticking him in the reserves and sacking the bloke who wears a dinosaur costume and is loved by the club’s supporters?”

Even this isn’t enough for Manchester City whose chief executive was acting like the fat bloke stuffing his face with doughnuts while telling everyone they should watch their figures. But here he was, lecturing football league clubs on how they need to be sustainable while Manchester City have guzzled billions of cash. You see, the solution is for B teams to be part of the football league. Forget that the EFL Cup that allows B teams has set all number of records for lowest ever attendances or that in Europe Barcelona B are the best supported managing an average of just 1,400, while Bayern Munich B get less than Sloughs average gate.

To be honest, I’m not really bothered if I never set foot in the Amex again. I always hope that people get sick of being ripped off and go and support their local lower league club instead.

Unless the government intervene and set the rules the top clubs will carry on demanding they are treated like Kings while the rest fight for ever decreasing scraps off their tables and some break the bank trying to join an elite club that will never admit them.

Me? I’d rather watch football in a park.

A PLAGUE ON OUR ELITE HOUSES

Printed in the National League South game v Hemel Hempstead Tuesday 6th October 2020. We won 1-0

Like the covid cruise ships that no country would let dock, the elite fans of National League North and South found out just 4 days before a ball was kicked that they weren’t welcome to the FA Cup party. While supporters of teams below us can cheer on their team, we’re apparently far too elite to enjoy that honour.

While the government and the Premier League played a last minute game of poker waiting for the first to blink, clubs were in the impossible position of knowing that to kick that FA Cup ball would mean triggering players contracts; a wage bill that without financial support or crowds to generate income would spell financial ruin.

Finally just before kick-off the government came up with a plan to support lower league clubs. But rather than hand-outs wouldn’t it make sense to let clubs help themselves and have limited crowds?

It’s hard to get excited for a new season when you still don’t know if you can go and watch your team or even if it will reach a conclusion.

In the middle of a pandemic lower league football is probably not high on the list of peoples concerns, too busy once again panic buying bog roll. But without a proper support package many clubs will go to the wall. Like the drunk bloke moaning about the 10pm curfew I don’t think that’s acceptable. Run properly football clubs are more than just 90 minutes on the pitch and are an integral part of their communities.

I was also naively hoping that football might change its tune but it seems not. The story of Harrogate sums it up perfectly. Promoted to the Football League behind closed doors they got to celebrate in front of no one by ripping up their 3G pitch while having to play home games at Doncaster in front of no one. Because we can’t have any of that artificial stuff. But surely if artificial is good enough for the Champions League then its good enough for Scunthorpe and Stevenage? Meanwhile Macclesfield Town were wound up in the courts.

So instead of Slough I’ve been getting my football fix across Sussex. I managed to hide my elite football hat to watch Eastbourne Town fans set off so many flares the coast guard were called as they beat Saltdean United in the extra preliminary round. I went to the first Southern Combination league game of the season at Shoreham where for a fiver I was treated to a 4-4 draw. I nearly got my head kicked in at Newhaven after asking Corinthian players how they did in the FA Vase semi final penalty shoot out. The bunch of moaning gits had play acted and given endless grief to the officials throughout their FA Cup preliminary round game. But it turns out they can give it out, but can’t take it. Hardly the Corinthian spirit.

I went to see Southwick play in a park league in a park opposite their ground. They’d been kicked out of by the council who forgot that as landlords you should occasionally check that your property isn’t falling to bits. Now community-run nearly 200 turned up to see them win. I saw Whitehawks first game of the season, met a lady dressed as a lobster and saw thirsty fans served beer in 4 pint jugs to enjoy on the terraces and stop any social mixing at the bar.

All these clubs and others up and down the country have enjoyed more fans thou the gates desperate to watch a game and I do wonder whether we should just knock this season on the head, loan our players and fans out to other clubs and wake up again next season.

Saying that, although I enjoy visiting other grounds I really miss going to Slough. Curry for breakfast, the pre match pints in the Wheatsheaf (and post match come to think of it) then off to Arbour Park. Like so many it’s my time to relax. A chance to meet friends, have a laugh, a few drinks and a sing-along. Although that’s a bit harder when your muzzled with a mask. I would say its good for my mental health but I’m not sure spending the afternoon with some of the Slough fans is good for anyone's sanity.

Its insane that Chalvey Sports and Langley can play at Arbour Park but we can’t because we are elite. A label that helped us compete in the play-offs but is now threatening the existence of so many clubs.

On top of this, the government have hardly played a pandemic blinder. Unable to organise a decent track and trace system, handing millions to consultancy firms and setting up an app that isn’t compatible with the NHS (yes really) or 20% of phones or anyone in Scotland or Wales doesn’t fill you with confidence.

This virus ain’t going nowhere and as we enter the second phase and winter it’s going to be much harder for people to swallow. So surely it makes sense to let in limited crowds and enjoy football in the open air. Otherwise what’s the point in Slough playing? More importantly why jeopardise our club? Football without fans is pointless as well as financially catastrophic.

I was hoping a pandemic would pave the way for football to have a good hard look at itself. But it seems they can only do that for VAR handballs. And while people get worked up about a disallowed goal, clubs up and down the country are in grave danger of never kicking a ball again.