SOCIAL MEDIA FOR DUMMIES

Printed in the National League South game v Folkestone Invicta Saturday 29th August 2026  We lost 2-0 in front of 663

Our first two away games received 5 star ratings in the Non League Paper. Exciting? I suppose you could call them that with two impressive fightbacks, but the end results were very deflating. Especially at Hampton who hadn't scored a goal all season until they put five past us.

Dover is one of those odd places where there are so many tourist attractions you wonder how the place isn't more upmarket. Still, there are some dirt cheap proper boozers to chat with the home fans. Next away was Hampton and their big home coming; new 3G pitch and other improvements; they are even building a mini park behind the stand for little 'uns. Their surrounding area is like the old children's programme Camberwick Green. The place oozes wealth, with quirky pubs and cafes, village greens and butchers serving up meat wraps to passers by as people skip serenely to the ground. The local paper led with a Stag having to be put down after attacking someone having a picnic! The contrast to Slough High Street could not be more stark.

Their programme (which i was sold in one of the local cafes) said 'We look forward to experiencing Slough's passionate and colourful travelling support on the terraces.' And we were magnificent at the start - but it descended into bickering amongst ourselves. Where we used to all sing from the same song sheets we are currently a family in need of group therapy. Or three points.

I feel sorry for our management team. They had ridiculously big boots to fill when Scott Davies left. Decisions out of their control have exacerbated the three defeats whereas before we were more understanding of our place in this brutal league. Many have already given up hope of us escaping relegation.

And then the club announced they are clamping down on youngsters coming into the ground – massively raising prices, introducing an ID scheme and charging away fans two pounds to join it if they want to get into Arbour Park - this later measure seeing us come under hostile fire on social media.

I recently read a book about how the brain works, like you do, maybe in the hope of expanding mine. Apparently an apple a day and a MarsBar should do it. The main take I got is that teenagers are hardwired to only care about what their peers think. They have to impress their friends, and this is now amplified a million times by the social media companies. This has had tragic consequences with two police officers killed and a family seriously injured in two separate incidents by youngsters driving the wrong side of the road, making content for Tik Tok. The backlash has quite rightly been one of anger but when an Irish parliamentary committee asked TikTok to come and talk about why this content can't be banned from their platform they refused. Like the old cigarette companies refusing to acknowledge that smoking caused you any harm. Nothing to do with us guv.

I used to travel around with Slough usually on the coach when i was young. Admittedly non league was in the doldrums, crowds were small, grounds were falling apart while league football had a serious hooligan problem that put many people off going. Now football is booming, young people are turning to lower league because it is affordable. But let's be honest its not been great with constant reports of crowd trouble over the past couple of seasons. Youngsters dressed in black, giving it large seems to have evolved from the Stone Island Schooligans. It's like performative dance for doughnuts. We even had our last game of the season against Enfield segregated after the police had concerns that Slough supporters were going to be ambushed. Good luck with that one. Unless they meant ambushed by a pub.

But I really do think young people have it tough these days compared to the freedoms I had growing up. The bankers crashed the economy so we closed all the youth clubs to balance the books. Over one thousand shut their doors for good while banks got a bailout. Libraries have closed or hours reduced. Schools have become data obsessed exam factories. Every scrap piece of land where we used to play has been built on. Sure there's more activities to do, but you need parents with deep pockets to be able to take part.

I'm not into collective punishment for being young. Everyone wants to belong and young people need more not less safe spaces overseen by adults. And the irony is that clubs like Slough have an even bigger role to play now local government finances have been decimated – 51% of Slough Councils budget goes on adult and children's social care. Slough Town has seriously stepped up to help fill in the gaps with hundreds of youngsters regularly playing or engaging with the club. I love seeing Arbour Park full of people from all different ages and backgrounds, and it was a great atmosphere at our home game against Farnham Town.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but I hope lower league football doesn't becomes another place where young people aren't welcome because a small minority abuse it. It's a very fine line to tread and we must make sure that Slough Town is affordable and accessible for everyone.

And as for that poor stag?  The Royal Parks said it was alarmed to see photos and videos online showing visitors feeding and getting close to the deer, despite being told not too. This causes deer to lose their natural fear of people and start seeking food from visitors. I'm so glad Slough has become the largest collection of data centres in Europe to make sure all this useful content is stored nice and safe, while libraries are closed. Maybe it's time for a new data centre song. 

A BIT OF FINANCIAL BOTHER

Printed in the National League South game v Farnham Town Tuesday 18^th August 2026  We lost 1-0 in front of 836

Well that was disapointing. I'd polished my sticks, even eyed up a new xylophone. Then a message arrived on my phone from Clubshop Sue.

Our game was off. Ebbsfleet were on the naughty step and not allowed to kick a ball for 3 games. I'm no expert, but maybe twelve seconds before the season was about to start wasn't the best timing.

Apparently Ebbsfleet being subject to a winding-up petition by His Majesty's Revenue and Customs over unpaid debts was the final straw. The National League has also informed the Independent Football Regulator it's very, very cross and the club are now under a transfer embargo.

If Ebbsfleet were in a bit of financial bother - they have been in debt for a decade with cumulative losses of a staggering £22.8 million - which in most peoples books would count as a bit of bother, Slough were now going to take a significant financial hit. Saturdays first home game of the season would have been a big deal with a big crowd, food and refreshment sales - all now lost because of lets face it, a team who have been flying close to the wind ever since they ditched the glorious name of Gravesend and Northfleet.

To rub salt into the wound, plans for their new 8,000 seater stadium had been rejected. They are now waiting for new owners to come on board and sort out the mess.

I do feel sorry for their supporters; although supporters can also be their clubs worst enemies, demanding they overspend to keep up with the Joneses. But this also felt like Slough were being penalised. Our clubs owners have worked tirelessly to make us financially sustainable, while others in our league throw ridiculous amounts of cash at promotion. Maybe, just maybe the new football regulator will sort this out.

So twiddling my drum sticks I thumbed through the Non League Paper but none of the local FA Cup games caught my eye.

So a short bus trip to Shoreham Football Club instead who were playing Selsey. Last season Shoreham had a nightmare. Top of the Southern Combination Premier League briefly at the beginning, Saltdean United from the division below, poached their manager and some of their best players. Fast forward to April and they were relegated with just 18 points, conceding 136 goals. This relegation meant Shoreham are now too low down the pecking order to compete in the FA Cup, so this was the opening day in Division One.

Just before kick off, I asked the chairman how he thought the season would go and he replied that he didn't have a clue. Seven minutes after kick off and neither apparently did his defenders as they conceded 3 quick goals. Blimey this could be a long season. Shoreham found their feet in the second half but it finished 4-1. But I will say this. Shoreham have worked so hard off the pitch to get things right, it was a decent crowd for of 153 who didn't get on their backs and they even had a young drummer behind the goal with his mate. Very impressive for what is effectively Division 10

Players being poached is the bane of the football fan. We know money talks and we know people will move if they are offered more. I don't really blame them; if another company offered you more cash for doing the same job, wouldn't you leave? And let's be clear, there's no loyalty to players from clubs when they want to get rid.

So let's get ready to finally rumble at Arbour Park. Against a team who have been transformed by the chairman's deep pockets but also his impressive business and marketing nous. I love his honesty on football money matters. His breakdown financially and forensically how the club made £100,000 during the two play off games to get to the National League South is fascinating. Not just the revenue streams but how it was done, the thoughts and processes to make sure those who came had a brilliant time, stayed longer, spent more money – and wanted to come back again. I love the fact he asks questions on social media, talks about income and expenditure and ideas on how to help improve it. He's worked hard to get punters through the turnstiles, although obviously winning a lot helps.

I wish more clubs took a leaf out of his book. Then maybe, just maybe if football fans knew the true cost of running a football club they would be a little more understanding. Too many want to win at any cost. Unfortunately for Ebbsfleet fans that grim overspending reality is now staring them down the barrel of a financial gun.

SOMETHING TO BELIVE IN

 

Not in the programme cos I mentioned the C word

And now no game anyway cos Ebbsfleet are once again a financial car crash.

At least Buddhism for Beginners published it.

I once read a few books on Buddhism and decided like you do, it was for me. I admit my understanding was a bit flaky and I certainty didn't want to walk round in a yellow robe (it might have been different if it was amber and blue). One of their philosophies ‘the middle way' is about avoiding the extremes of attachment and anger. Which is hard to do if you like football. Buddhists say enjoy the game but don't let winning or losing cause deep suffering. At the time this interest in Buddhism was in step with falling out of love of football, fed up that a bad Slough result would dictate my moods and ruin a weekend.

As i jumped in a car on another one of my hitch-hiking adventures it was a vicar who stopped for me. We talked about religion, and I mentioned Buddhism and admitted that I didn't have a high regard for Christianity after being made to sing dull hymns that made no sense or listening to a very overweight vicar asking for help to support starving people in his African parish. Sorry sir, but maybe stop helping yourself to all the cream cakes. But this vicar was off to prison to carry out the work of God. Helping people. He was charismatic, calm and challenging and asked what really was the difference between Buddhism and Christianity. It was a conversation that stayed with me a long time.

When we decided to re-open The Bevy on our estate as a community pub, it was the local vicar who helped spearhead the campaign. He was funny, approachable and when people asked why he believed in God – he told them that sometimes he didn't!! When he left the parish the pub was packed with well wishers and i told him he was such a good bloke, i almost wanted to believe in a God.

So back to the problem with investing so much into supporting one team and trying to find a ‘Middle Way’. Throughout the season we are going to get angry, sad, happy, drunk (ok, that's not an emotion, but it’s good at exaggerating them) and everything inbetween. Can I stay calm in amongst the chaos of a football match? Football feelings are so fleeting are they worth the pain?

Well the one thing football can almost uniquely deliver is Euphoria.

The problem is how long does that euphoria last? A few days after game, promotion, or winning the league, or a cup, or just staying up against all the odds. It’s not soon after when you start fretting. My work is so maniac in the summer on top of a heatwave which meant i turned into a human watering can, I don't pay much attention to the closed season white noise....we've signed no players, we've signed the wrong ones, we've lost our best ones, our budget is too small, we should be going full time. Oh and we lost our manager to Aldershot, which you didn't need to be a psychic to know that this was always on the Tarot cards. Then the club scored a silly own goal in my opinion by ditching our old badge.

In a world that is a hundred miles an hour, those of us that aren't religious need something to hang on too. Some, encouraged by weasel politicians, hark back to a time that never really existed (Let’s call them the Rose-tinted Party). But traditions, old buildings, pub names, symbols and places do matter. Part of who we are and where we come from, our stories and sense of belonging, all mixed up to make us unique.

I'm all for honouring Sloughs rich history but you need to be on magic mushrooms to see a zebra crossing and telescope in that design. And one of the things I like when wearing my Slough top, is the conversations i have with people about the town and the club. A town I’m proud to say I’m from and defend its honour with such witty one liners like ‘yeah well we invented the wheelie bin’. A club I’m proud to say I support with its turbo-charged community work bringing a social glue to a diverse town. With my good looks, im like a mobile marketing machine. So it seems a bit of a marketing own goal to remove the name of the place you represent from the tops?

But come the beginning of the season, I will be supporting Slough Town with the rest of the Rebel Army. Because that's what we have together as supporters. Different people from all walks of lives with different views, wanting one thing. Success for our football club.

So here’s to trying to remember as the season hurtles on, to take a breath; that when we do have those moments of euphoria let's take time to enjoy it with our mates, on the terraces, in the pubs.

As our old mucker Kieran Wonder Wall used to say – the hour before kick off is the most optimistic for every football fan. So what about the hour before the beginning of a new season?

I really believe that our togetherness as supporters has helped the club over the line on numerous occasions. The few hundred hardy souls who watched us when we were a homeless car crash defiantly keeping the sprit of Slough Town alive. We don't need to buy into everything or stop criticising when we don’t believe in certain decisions, but when that whistle blows at the start of the game; if we don't stick together, then its going to be a lot harder for the club we love to give us those moments of euphoria that makes life just so much sweater.

So come on you rebels; let the journey, the beers, tear, cheers and bin banging begin. You might even occasionally find me in a corner during a match praying for victory. Or even jingling some Buddhist bells.