POLITICS ON THE EDGE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Tonbridge Angels Saturday 5th October 2024  We won 3-1 in front of 1202

Scott Davies recently gave an indepth interview into life as Slough Towns manager. What really came across was the effort and hours he puts in. The preparation on teams we face, the endless phone calls, the attention to the detail. Then all of this hidden work comes down to ninety minutes on the pitch; a moment of brilliance, a silly mistake, an injury to a key player, that can decide a game and pile pressure on those at the top if their team starts losing more than they are winning.

The further you go up the football tree the more this intensifies. Just look at the recent Man City-Arsenal game descending into a bubble of rage that ends up as conspiracy theories on how their teams were slighted. Some people seriously need to get a life.

I’m really not into conspiracy theories – I know we are all trying to make sense of a chaotic world; that things get hushed up, real issues get ignored, powerful people and organisations get together to try and get their way. 

When I sometimes catch the news it’s just small, easy to digest soundbites that give me no idea of what’s really happening, but seem to want to put us in a permanent rage or even worse, a sense of powerlessness. Social Media is even more toxic, where people scream away in their echo chamber. If only the world was as black and white.

So ladies and gentlemen I give you books, where you are given time to understand and properly digest a subject. And for the best insight into the way our country has been run, you’d be hard pressed to find a better book than Rory Stewart's ‘Politics On the Edge.’ Stewart is hardly an establishment outsider – after going to Eton and Oxford, he served as a soldier, a diplomat in Iraq after the war, a charity relief specialist in Afghanistan and became a Harvard professor - but he definitely thinks outside the box.

Stewart joined the Conservatives, stood for the rural constituency of Cumbria and became an MP. Part of that journey was literally taking a journey that involved walking relentless miles that make up the vast constituency to talk to people. And that’s where his strength lies. People warmed to his willingness to get involved and once elected, he morphs into an archetypal local MP. Fighting against fire station and cinema closures, and pushing for better broadband and for more local investment, helping individuals out when the state goes into computer-says-no mode. Reading this book you realise that backbench MPs have a lot less power than people think but can be most effective supporting local campaigns – infact he realises that it’s people coming together to make a difference that is key.

But he also quickly realises that you have to toe the party line when the Chief Whip tells the new intake of MP’s – to vote on your conscience was to be a fool and ensure you were never promoted to be a minister.

Stewart also puts in the miles to understand his ministerial briefs - everything from flood response and prison violence, engaging with conflict and poverty abroad as a foreign minister, and Brexit as a Cabinet minister. And during all this Stewart learned first-hand how profoundly hollow our democracy and government had become.

As Lord Hennessy put it “Cronyism, ignorance and sheer incompetence ran rampant. Around him, individual politicians laid the foundations for the political and economic chaos of today. Stewart emerged battered but with a profound affection for his constituency of Penrith and the Border, and a deep direct insight into the era of populism and global conflict.”

The book is a must read for those who want to find out how things work. It’s enlightening, riveting and painful, exposes the glaring inadequacies of the dysfunctional way in which Britain is governed.

But I also got a lot of positives from it. We all like to blame the council, the boss, the government, when things don’t go our way. And often you’d be right. But I take the view, that if we want change then we don’t ask but we make our neighbourhoods better places by getting involved. If our local park is a tip, organise a litter pick and campaign for better play equipment. Open a pub that is more than just a pub but a community centre that delivers lots of different activities (really easy, I know). Lets get involved in our local football club. As Stewart says in the book ‘The more inert, depressing and shallow Parliament and government seemed, the more I was drawn to the truth and potential of local communities.’

As for Slough Town. With the council in a financial death loop, the club are in a unique position. A moment in time where they can really shine as one of the key players in the town. Although they shouldn’t replace essential statutory services, the signing of the 50 year lease means the club has a massive opportunity to make Arbour Park work not just for the football club but to make a massive difference whatever is happening in government. Yes of course we all want to win football matches, but let’s also celebrate our club as the place to bring people together.

Right, I’m off to my local bookshop.

* Rory Stewart ‘Politics on the Edge’ published by Jonathan Cape. Support your local bookshop rather than Amazon You can also listen to him on ‘The rest is politics’ podcasts co-hosted with Alastair Campbell.

IS THIS A DIOCESE

 

Printed in the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying round replay v Chichester City Tuesday 17th September 2024  We won 2-1 in front of 519

The FA Cup has given me some of my best Slough Town memories. 3-1 down to Reading then scoring two injury time goals to get a replay. Beating Paul Mersons Walsall when we were homeless. Sutton in a penalty shoot out replay in the rain.

I missed the Millwall game as I was working. Apparently some local lad called Gary Attrell won it for us.

In fact my first ever Slough away game was against Carshalton in one of the qualifying rounds. I can’t remember the score.

So while Slough were still playing friendlies, the competition began and I had to get in on some extra preliminary action. Bexhill was my first destination, its art deco art centre and 1920’s mock Tudor grandstand by the sea calling me. Except they share with the cricket so the game was moved to Hailsham which wasn’t quite so tempting.

So Eastbourne United Association it was then. I’ve been to Borough and Town; time to add United to this non league three teams town (there used to be four until Shinewater merged with United).

As a supped my pint in a boozer across the road from their Oval ground I was told that due to redevelopments the game had been moved to Newhaven. Oh fiddlesticks.

So a two hour round trip to see nothing, ending up back in the middle of town during Pride weekend where Brighton feels like Glastonbury without the mud or tents but hit by a million glitter balls.

The next cup game I was away in Hay-on-Wye but my FA Cup antennae sniffed out Malvern Town V Cleethorpes Town.

And now the Rebels were entering at the 2nd Qualifying round.

Chichester away was perfect. A new ground for everyone and just 50 smug minutes on the train for me. I’d visited the cathedral before for a meeting when we inadvertently went into the front room where the Archdeacon was watching TV. He looked as startled as us.

I arrived early and found a cafe amongst the cathedrals, churches and fancy cake shops. The diocese – which basically means district - is one of the largest in the Church of England, stretching nearly 100 miles.

Slowly the place started to fill up with Rebels – with large queues at the turnstiles and even larger at the bar.

Since Chichester merged with another local club briefly becoming City United they’ve progressed up the leagues, done up the ground and are now an Isthmian Premier League side. They even reached the second round proper recently after Bury went bust and they got a bye.

There were no signs showing your where to get to the football ground – apparently the local council won’t allow it.

A decent crowd of nearly 500 meant it was quite hard to see anything, but Chichester took the lead and held on until the 55th minute. Then in the 88th minute we scored again. Or maybe we didn’t. I was right behind the goal and it didn’t seem to cross the line, like some optical illusion. If we couldn’t tell standing right behind the goal, how hard was it for the match officials to know? Then in added time Chichester evened things up for a replay back at Arbour Park.

It seems ridiculous to scrap FA Cup replays in the so called proper rounds but not the qualifiers. If anything I would scrap the qualifying round replays and keep the proper round ones. Who would want to miss our trips to Grimsby and Reading ? These replays have also been a financial lifeline for many clubs – Exeter said it saved them from financial ruin when they drew with Manchester United. But we know us smaller teams don’t matter in the scheme of things.

As for Slough once again in these early rounds we got a get-out-of-jail card. I would love us to get to the 3rd round. We hold the unwanted record of getting to the 2nd round the most times of any club in the country but never reaching the 3rd.

I wonder if we would ever get that monkey off our back as I scratched my head and wondered if anything rhymes with Diocese. I pray there is.

ITS RAIN (HAM) MEN

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hemel Hempstead Saturday 7th September 2024  We finally lost at home after a year. 1-0 in front of 1203

                                           photo by TJRimages 

If there was one game not to miss it was last Saturdays momentous one against Weymouth where the Rebels secured victory and with it a year without losing at home.

Yet miss it I did as I was seriously geographically challenged in Wales at a place where the most common cause of death is a book falling on your head.

I studied the timetables and pondered the logistics but really this was too far to get to Slough and back without anyone noticing. I bought the local papers for some county league action but even those footballing gods were against me. I had no choice, I jumped on the rural bus Express hurtling through villages like Clehonger and Nantyglasdwr all the way to Hereford. Then on a Paddington train and headed to the hills. Should I fall asleep and explain to my missus that I didn’t wake up till Reading?

I alighted at the most scenic train station in the country. If you’re looking to make a period drama I’ve found the place. Malvern Town v Cleethorpes Town in the FA Cup 1st Qualifying round. I couldn’t find a pub but I did find a tree full of ripe figs and a box of cooking apples at a bus stop urging me to take them home. Normally I would oblige and they would end up as crumble at our pubs seniors lunch club but I was already weighed down with the sadness of missing the Slough game.

The last time I was near these parts was the Castlemorton Free Festival but best to keep that quiet. So I bought a programme and admired the one developed side of their ground with smart new stand and clubhouse with each table emblazoned with their badge. The only thing missing was showing the football rather than endless TVs of cricket.

As Malvern missed a host of chances and we headed towards a replay, I wondered how this round trip of 7 hours for part time players on a Tuesday night was ok but in the proper rounds of the FA Cup (like this one was somehow improper) have been abolished. Then I read that the League Cup has been seeded and really with my Brighton season ticket now binned, the Premier League and its narcissistic self obsession could do one.

A decent crowd of 391 saw Cleethorpes mount a last minute smash and grab winner. I then had to muster all my restraint not to hit the bin next to me in joy as news that the Rebels had achieved something special. And top of the league to boot. This was all tempered by finding out that the last bus to Hay on Wye had left at 6pm so an expensive taxi it was back to Wales.

It might be geographical bias but I often want clubs that are a pain to get too relegated or promoted. Or are just plain rude (Here’s looking at you Waterloogedville). Aveley we’re certainly on this list – too many train changes then a taxi from Rainham to the middle of nowhere.

Rainham is a funny old place. As you come out of the station with its dominating church, you can imagine what it looked like as a village but now surrounded by boarded up pubs, chicken shops and tiny new builds.

We were drinking in a not particularly nice boozer when Spreadsheet Stu came up with a plan to circumvent this cultural desert – where even the war memorial had a boarded up window and the football club has long gone. We walked along the High Street until we came to a forlorn sign announcing the Cauliflower. That’s a pub I could get my teeth into but sadly all that was left was the sign and it was now a curry house.

We approached the seafood stall and asked if we could get into Rainham Working Mens Club. In a flash it was sorted. ‘We don’t get no trouble or drug dealing in here, the regulars would sort them out’ we were told as we signed in. Looking around I didn’t doubt it. We were then given tours by proud members. The place was cavernous with two massive bars, snooker hall, pub garden, and a football pitch for two of the clubs teams. Maybe a phoenix Rainham Town could play here?

This place like so many across the country acts as a fixed point in a sea of change. Where people feel comfortable and safe. Feel in control and listened too. I hope they prosper and encourage new people, cos these are the community spaces that make such a massive difference. And I know I bang on like the pub bore, but if we keep heading to Wetherspoons then these places will become fewer and fewer.

Now stewards are often my nemesis, especially those that have developed a love for something you put rubbish in, taking it as a personal affront when you use it temporarily as a musical instrument. Haven’t they heard of the band Stomp? Or getting a life? Not at Aveley. Last years friendly steward John was there to greet us, shaking hands with everyone and telling us we were his favourite fans as he wheeled the biggest bin ever for us to hit. It only seemed right to buy him and his lad a drink. We won comfortably and headed to the top of the league. Blimey. What a difference a year makes.

I’ve crossed Aveley off my want-to-be-relegated list. Thankfully Eastbourne Borough and Worthing are just around the corner. And I’ve enjoyed watching travelling Rebels struggle how to get to see-you-in-an-hour Chichester. Even a geographically challenged doughnut like me couldn’t miss these ones.

And finally….if a photo sums our club up was the one at the end of the Weymouth game with players and everyone behind the goal. I might superimpose myself in. We’ve got something very special going on that so many people have worked hard to make happen. I salute you all.

WEYMOUTH HOLIDAYS AND A TRIP FOR A BALTI

 

Printed in the National League South game v Weymouth Saturday 30th August 2024 We won 1-0 in front of 889 to stay top of the league and go ONE YEAR WITHOUT LOSING AT HOME !

This is a tale of our first away day of the season, the first supporters run club in the country and a football team in Weymouth named after a curry house.

First up was Salisbury, a newly promoted club who should have beaten us in the FA Cup last season if it wasn’t for the heroics of our Cardiff loanee goalkeeper at the time.

Now I love an away day on the train but it seems train companies are doing their best to suck any joy out of travelling. ‘Success Starts Here’ read the sign as I trundled past Havant. Well, not for their lovely football team. Miss you already. But I did miss the early Saturday morning phone call from Kieran Wall asking where I was. When I got on at Southampton it was already the Sardine Express. By the time I got off at Salisbury, another 100 or so wanted to join a train busting at the seams, that would have been totally illegal if it was a building. 

So please don’t tell me about the perils of the old British Rail– our train services have already been nationalised, they are just owned by other countries rather than our own. How very patriotic. And passengers just seem an annoyance.

Even our train stations are crap – Farnham has a great independent cafe but cash only but no cash machine nearby. I remember sitting here one freezing New Years Day after a boring 0-0 draw with Salisbury. Happy Chattering Teeth New Year and all that. Southampton Central can’t cope – all the usual boring corporate brands selling weak coffee and stale croissants with massive queues for the toilets.

This journey did give me the fear when travelling with family and friends to Weymouth but to be fair the midweek journeys seem so much better.

Salisbury is a really friendly club but they’ve got a group of scumbags who’ve swallowed a Premier League songbook and a limited vocabulary swear-book. Often in situations like that, you can launch the odd song that makes others laugh and clears the air – ‘We discovered Uranus’ we sang, ‘Your just a bus stop near Stonehenge’ we joked but they kept up with their Neanderthal growling. Our supporters deserve medals for some serious restraint. A few kept offering me out, despite telling them thanks but i'm already married. The Supporters Trust quite rightly wrote a letter of complaint and its’ going to have to be segregation for that club from now on unless they show the door to a few individuals.

The ground is a good bus ride away past Old Sarum, which used to the original town, until the religious orders gave permission to relocate the cathedral to New Sarum – which eventually became Salisbury.

They wouldn’t allow a drum as the ground is slowly being surrounded by houses with some neighbours having the audacity to complain about football noise! We really need the law they have in France that says if you move to the countryside and start complaining about animal sounds or smells you are told where to go. Or in Brighton where music venues are getting protection from people who move next door then say its too loud. At the end of the game me, Wootton Bassett Steve and Ian the Shirt managed to hitch a ride back to New Sarum from one of their nice officials and drown our loss with a few beers with more friendly locals.

I missed the Enfield game cos rather ironically I was on holiday in Weymouth. A Weymouth we choose after many a visit watching the Rebels. So come on Slough the Town, smarten yourselves up – having a National League team is the perfect way to show off your wares. Canal boat tours to the ground anyone?

I’ve got a lot of time for Enfield, who we used to have some real ding-dong battles against in the old Isthmian League. They became the first supporters run football club in the country and deserve a hell of a lot of respect for that. I’ve not visited their art deco new home yet but that will have to wait another season. Everyone praised what a friendly club they were despite us leaving with a 6-1 away victory. What a time to miss an away trip made slightly better by hearing of countless Slough fans missing three late first half goals cos they went to the bar!

Still I wasn’t going without my football fix so I scrolled the local paper for some football - £18 to watch Weymouth play Chippenham – no thanks. Instead it was time for a Balti to ease the Rebel withdrawal symptoms; Balti Sports v Bridport Town Reserves in the Dorset Premier League. Or Division 11 in the footballing pyramid which is a league made up of 16 teams, half of which seem to be called Sports and the rest reserve sides.

Balti Sport are you guessed it, named after a curry house, which used to sponsor them when they formed in 2005. They play at Weymouth College who won’t pay for floodlights. I assume they won’t pay for electricity either to light up their cosy clubhouse – well more dentist waiting room, which serves hot drinks and also acts as turnstile as I parted with my £4. There’s a small stand and a wobbly iron perimeter fence that for some reason had a plastic bobbing owl tied to it. The match was slightly delayed cos they needed a goal peg but the thirty or so spectators were treated to a decent first half and it ended 5-2 to the curry boys.

The early kick off meant I scurried back to listen to Rebels Radio with special guess Lenchy enjoying our biggest away league victory for some time. Now where did I put that poppadom.

LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hornchurch Saturday 24th August 2024  We won 2-1 in front of 744

And it so it begins. Another season supporting the Slough.  Absolutely buzzing as they like to say. 42 years with the odd spell missing in action because of poverty, politics and falling out of love with football. 

The Elizabeth Line - which has apparently made Slough a Go to Live destination - was up the spout so it was back to the tourist hell of Victoria and Paddington where people are catapulted towards you at they dash around the globe looking for something. The fast train arrived at Platform 5 and I found my something. Welcome to Slough although disappointingly Station Jim wasn’t around as he was getting a grooming. Probably needed after 130 years.

First stop curry. Now some people have bemoaned the state of the high street and they would be right. I was around when they pedestrianised (a good thing) but made it all grey stone (a bad thing). Should have gone with amber and blue to brighten it up. Now the Queensmere is half closed and shops lay empty. It’s certainly not a Go To shopping destination.

The perfect start to my footballing day is finding a cafe then a rough as you like boozer and sitting there listening, scribbling down stories. In Slough I’ve found my favourite breakfast stop – RKM cafe with home made curry and sizzling paratha bread straight from the pan to my plate for just £7. Perfect.

There’s an older guy who sits in the cafe – he often asks about the Rebels, but says he’s too busy to go, even tho he always seems to be sitting in the cafe with his mate listening to his phone very loud. This week he was screaming at some programme on his phone until some old lady told him to turn it down. Gogglebox - I think I have found you a contender. I once heard the Asian owner bemoaning to him the fact that lots of 70’s comedy like Love Thy Neighbour can’t be shown anymore. Political correctness or whatever gone mad, he lamented. I reckon we should hand him, his mate and the owner and his family some free tickets and match day posters.

Next up was the Wheatsheaf where the lone punter told me he should go and watch Slough to get away from his family. Which is certainly one marketing method. The Wheatsheaf has always been a Slough Town pub. It used to organise away day coaches and I think its community feel and supporting lower league football go hand in hand. The new owners promise new energy, more music, food and a greater alignment with the club whose scarfs and tops already adorn the pub. But this being Slough one building by the garden is now a pile of rubble with a huge metal pole seemingly holding its former neighbour up; the house next door – well it doesn’t have a door anymore and looks like a tornados hit it; while a man often sleeps in the tree opposite the pub. The gem of Herschel Park is across the road and over the years plenty of people have got together and made it there mission to expanded and rejuvenate this Grade II listed park. Lucy the Nurse’s dad Keith Tebbit was heavily involved, and my mate Derwins ashes were scattered there last week under the impressive monkey puzzle tree – a tree which would even pose a problem for the man who sleeps up a tree.

When I lived in Alpha Street, I loved learning about Herschel Park and Upton-cum-Chalvey. There was a massive ramshackle old house with an overgrown garden, that we of course told ourselves was haunted. Infact I love learning about history, not to indulge in some rose tinted view of a past that never existed but to try and understand it.

Because you can learn a lot from studying history. A while back I picked up a random football book about someone I’d never heard of. Bela Guttmann was the first superstar football coach. He was Jewish and the book weaves in his footballing genius with the relentless persecution of Jews across Europe. He escaped Hungry and survived a Nazi slave labour camp. His family did not. He coached in ten countries from 1933 to 1974 and won ten national championships pioneering the 4-2-4 formation, but most notably back to back European Cups with Benfica.

My missus is Jewish and her family were terrified of the anti immigration protests promised in Brighton. In the end just 5 protestors turned up surrounded by 2,0000 people who didn’t want them in the city. When I see some of the language – often from the tabloid press – I think about books like Guttmann and wonder what has really changed and where does it all end up? I really recommend reading it, especially considering what’s happening at the moment.

And here’s the rub. I'm not going to fight you cos you support a different team, although I might laugh at you if you support MK Dons. I don’t care who you are, what you look like, where your from. Life is a melting pot of people. And if you’re alright, you’re alright. We can either shake our fists angrily and reminisce about a time that never really existed. Or we can fight for more places like the Indian cafe, the Wheatsheaf, Herschel Park and Slough Town that all bring people together. #OneSlough, Love Thy Neighbour and all that. It’s definitely much more fun.

AND AFTER ALL, YOU’RE OUR KIERAN WALL

Printed in the National League South game v Chelmsford City. Saturday 10th August. First game of the season. Won 2-1 in front of 859

One of the strange things about football is that for 9 months of the year you are almost wed to the same people then - especially if you don't live locally - they fall off a cliff.

Still, who couldn't be excited about the new season - not just for the football but the frenzy of activity that has been happening at Arbour Park after a 50 year lease was signed and the place became ours. We've now got enough bars to have a pub crawl around the ground and have tripled the number in a town that seems to take pleasure in closing watering holes.

But the new season is also tinged with sadness. How we are all going to miss Kieran Wall who dies much to young but was given as you would expect a Slough Town state funeral. 

We’ve all got so many Slough Town stories to tell about Kieran we could publish a book. Let’s call it ‘Tales from the Wonder Wall.’

I could begin with the first time he met my missus on the beach at Weymouth. I only went to get ice creams for the family but in that time he had asked her to marry him.

I can picture Dean and Kieran struggling back after an epic day watching Slough draw with Sutton in the FA Cup. Like a Laurel and Hardy Tribute Act they were in no fit state to get the train - especially with Deans navigational skills - so we managed to find a car to bundle them back home with the passenger shouting at them not to wee on the seats!

Or turning up at trendy Dulwich Hamlet as a fashion car crash and showing up the Slough fans as more hip replacement than hipster.

I went away with him first time Slough played at Torquay. After going out for a meal then a few beers he complained of exhaustion and hunger and got a taxi and a kebab. The taxi drove all of 5 seconds before dropping us off at our hotel and he woke up next to the kebab. Probably not the holiday romance he was hoping for.

Everyone got a bit over excited the first time we played Eastbourne. Slough scored from the half way line, Bill lost his teeth down the toilet and Dean found his hotel but decided to sleep in his car instead. He had booked the honeymoon suite for him and Kieran who slept like a baby unaware his mate was stranded outside.

Being in our favourite Indian restaurant with Kieran occasionally waking up and singing ‘Oh Jeremy Corbyn’. That went down well. Clubshop Sue constantly telling him off but Kieran just answering back I love you Sue and then always taking half an hour to get out of the car when her and Aiden dropped him off home.

Kieran was a kind and generous man. He loved his daughters, he loved his football and he loved his music especially Steve Harley who he must have seen a hundred times. Ironically tho he didn’t like Oasis. He had his demons but that didn’t make him bitter or resentful. He was political but even if he didn’t agree with your views that wouldn’t stop him calling you a friend. Mind you it certainly made his point, dressing up in a German army uniform when Nigel Farage visited the Jolly Londoner in Britwell.

It’s really not going to be the same without him on the terraces.

Slough has lost a legendary fan - I don’t think there are many supporters of any club across the country who have their very own song. But most of all we have all lost a very good mate who made us laugh, sometimes made us pull our hair out, but always someone you would want to be around.

So let’s sing a song or two for Kieran today – and for other Rebels no longer with us.

As he used to love to say – ‘We come in peace’ but Kieran my friend - you’ve left us in pieces.

CHEERS!

Printed in the last home game of the season v Welling United 20th April 2024 We drew 1-1 in front of 1,849  our highest ever league attendance at Arbour Park 

photo by Scott McNeish

Well that was a fun season.

Yeah, we didn’t make the play offs but come on. Everyone's favourites to go down, rookie manager, new owners. Someone pass the smelling salts. A thoroughly enjoyable season and an FA Cup run to boot where we made friends and even raised a song about those nice fish faces from Grimsby, who’ve been having a slightly less enjoyable time.

And what about our manager Scott Davies. You can see his class in the post match interviews when emotions are often very raw. He doesn’t throw players under a bus. He praises the opposition. Even the officials. He has time for everyone. In fact I think he's the perfect role model for supporters. Look, I get things get heated during a game and we are all up for a bit of banter but sometimes it’s embarrassing. Does being abusive to the opposition players and supporters give your team an edge? I’m sure for most players it’s water off a ducks back. And to be honest if you want to attract new fans, then language and behaviour matter.

At the St.Albans game, a couple of youngsters approached me with their mum – I gave them some sticks and their joined in on the wheelie bin then they went off with tambourines and shakers (they did bring them back at the end of the game). Maybe its the new Ultra fan - ultra nice? But I bet that family will be back.

Having fun at football has got to be up there - well and winning games - cos surely at the end of the day, what we all want is to have a laugh (well that and home terracing where we can actually see the goals going in). Pack up all your troubles in an old kit bag and smile, smile, smile as they say.

Still its great to get some justice with the League deciding to give us the 3 points against the Bath City Roll-overs. Their manager soured our big Thames Hospice day, with his spoilt brat antics but hey I’m sure we wont mention it to him again. ‘We beat Jerry Gill, nil, nil, nil, nil. We beat Jerry Gill nil, nil...’

Like Dr. Foster I went to Gloucester in a shower of rain, I stepped in a puddle right up to my middle and I hope I never go there again. Mind you, I doff my hat to the ingenuity of raising the ground 4 metres to stop it flooding. It was like Glastonbury mudbath behind their far stand. Infact the whole surrounds had a Steptoe and Son feel to the place when Gloucester itself looks a delight. As for Truro its probably been a bit less fun, but suppose they’ve got to see more of the country. I’m also impressed with Hemel Hempstead who balanced out their delightful old town by building a carbunkle modern shopping centre next to it. Ying and Yang and all that.

So while we all catch our breath and refresh our depleted football away day bank balances, I’m sure behind the scenes there’s already been lots of plotting and scheming, forward planning and strategies. I can’t thank the new owners enough for the injection of ideas and passion they have bought to the club. What any organisation periodical needs. The ideal for me would to take over the running of Arbour Park from the council and open a bar 7 days a week a la Havant and Down with the Dover-ville. (it felt good to type that). Mind you Dartford being relegated as well – I didn’t see that coming, and just goes to show you what a competitive league the National League South is.

So enjoy the summer, I’m off to water our community garden and hunt down some snails.

HISTORY OF SLOUGH

Next season we are going to delve into the history of Slough post swamp era. If you’ve got any Slough photos you want us to share, let us know with the story behind them. Maybe starting with what Arbour Park used to look like?

ONE SLOUGH BEYOND

Printed in the National League South game v St.Albans City Easter Monday 1st April 2024  We drew 2-2 in front of  1162

Photo Scott McNeish 

Who doesn’t like the Easter weekend. The clocks go forward, the sun shines (well, maybe) it’s the first Bank Holiday of the year and we can gorge ourselves on Easter eggs, hot cross buns and football. The Wheatsheaf Pub holds its annual Bobstock music festival and long lost sons and daughters come back to their town of birth like mating salmon.

But let’s rewind to the last home game against Eastbourne Borough, who despite going full time are staring relegation in the face. It was Non League Day a genius idea now in its 14th year that encourages those who support a league team to go and watch their local non league sides when there’s an international break (I really don’t like the term Non League, like we all play in some fluid jazz quartet).

To be honest with crowds of a thousand plus since the new year, every home game feels like Non League Day at Arbour Park and we’ve got more pay-less deals than a supermarket. And in any case, post covid people are flocking to lower league football with crowds up across the pyramid.

The National League is in reality Division Three and Oxford City have already found out to their cost that its impossible to compete without serious financial resources. This isn’t helped with just two going up to the Football League. Surely it’s time for three up, three down which will reduce the bottle neck that then ripples down to our level and makes clubs spend money they haven’t got (something I will no doubt do over this weekend). With the Football Governance Bill finally going to become law let’s hope footballs disaster capitalism model is going to change and no more clubs go bust.

Anyhow, I digress. After a bit of a slow burner in the first half – well apart from two disallowed Slough goals – the second half was a cross between a basket ball match and an FA Cup tie; end to end with Slough nearly finding a winner with a power shot from Trae Cook-Appiah which smashed into the right post and bounced just wide.

The officials were in the spotlight with their first half display – the worst ones ever apparently and they looked like they got at least one of our chalked off goals wrong. After tasting a season or three of VAR with Brighton that’s not the route I want to go down and another reason to ditch that Premier League season ticket as VAR sucks the joy out of the moment. Maybe that’s why I prefer the lower league jazz ensemble vibes.

Officials will make mistakes, just like players and managers do. Years ago I would have been fuming but we had no social media then to vent our spleens. Which was probably a good thing and we still managed to do that with our fanzine. I’ve always said there should be a breathalyser that stops your words being published if the computer smells alcohol on your breath. And after checking Eastbourne's social media – guess what? Borough supporters complaining about the worst officials ever.

So onto Good Fridays football which was proving to to be a logistical nightmare but at least I hadn’t booked myself into hotel rooms in Plymouth like a few keen Slough fans where Truro had originally settled for the season. They were of course now playing 4 counties away from home at Gloucester City which has got to be some sort of you-must-be-lost-playing-here record. Oh and the fact they still have to play 25 games in a matter of minutes.

Going 20 games unbeaten at home is some feat – the 6th best run in the clubs entire history – and we all want it to continue till the end of the season. (*Just for the record Gary the Stat pointed out that the best is a staggering 54 in the 1973/74 season).

Slough used to have a massive musical scene but now the Wheatsheafs BobStock promoter Buzz struggles to find non covers bands to play. Infact he was getting so desperate he was going to book the Slough Town Behind The Goal Orchestra but our instruments were all being polished for today and he couldn’t fit the bin into the pub. Or afford our bar bill. So lets get Nick the Trumpet to serenade everyone a few more times with One Slough Beyond for the penultimate home game of the season.

ROAMING REBELS

 

Printed in the National League South game v Eastbourne Borough Saturday 23rd March 2024  Non League Day. We drew 1-1 in front of 1085.

Its fair to say there’s no love lost between Slough and Havant – probably not helped by us singing ‘Going Down with the Dover’ to remind them of their predicament second bottom of the league.

As I walked into their pub next to the ground (Arbour Park needs a pub open every night like this) one guy was still moaning about that abandoned game a few seasons back where the ball wouldn’t bounce on the bog of a pitch. They just wont let it lie. They said they had no sympathy for our Bath abandonment and reckoned our joint managers at the time had threatened the ref if any of the Slough players got injured. To be honest they were more likely to drown. I was the lone Rebel in sea of Slough hate, so changed the subject to our mutual respect for their former manager Steve King who worked wonders rooting a full time club to to the bottom of the league.

As our play off push looks a little too far, it’s that time of the year when I can’t help looking at who we might be facing next season.

No one wants to see today's opponents Eastbourne relegated as it’s a proper seaside trip and from a selfish geographical perspective, if we lost them and Worthing I would actually cry.

Welling are groundsharing at Tonbridge next season while their place gets redeveloped, which is a shame. Not for the ground, which does need a revamp but Welling is still a proper high street with shops that sell stuff and you can even do a pub crawl if you’re that way inclined. This seems so rare nowadays I'm surprised the High Street is not on the UNESCO World Heritage List.

You got to feel sorry for Taunton – well I did until I heard they sacrificed infrastructure and pitch improvements to spend money on players to keep them up. With the wettest winter ever, that decision is coming back to bite them – with no income at all over the past few months.

We’ve still got to play Truro but god knows where that will be. If we saw the back of those two West Country teams I wouldn’t shed a tear – especially as that might soak their pitch even more.

There was an interview in the Non League Paper about how ground grading is becoming computerised to help the Premier League Stadium Improvement Fund identify best where to support clubs. There was a lot of talk about clubs becoming more financial sustainable with an emphasis on pitches. Alliance chair Mark Harris said ‘Everyone knows that the weather has wreaked havoc with fixtures in some regions...Neither the FA nor Leagues can control the weather, but by working together we can focus clubs minds on the importance of investing in their pitches to ensure they are of the highest possible standard, and that pitch maintenance is fit for purpose.’

No one would miss Chelmsford's running track but it’s very likely that we will be playing at the Hornchurch one. The mind boggles where that name came from. And I had the same thoughts when I got off the train at Braintree. Must be an Essex thing.

Selfishly I want Hastings promoted – its a great weekend place to visit. I’ve never been to Enfield Towns new ground and I’ve got a lot of respect for the first fan owned club in the country. But how about Wingate and Finchley – punching well above their weight on tiny crowds and a listed art deco stand.

From the Southern Premier – well we’ve all been to Chesham whose ground could do with some TLC. Salisbury is a public transport pig to get too so how about Gosport – where I have to get a boat too. Admittedly by the time you sit down on the boat its time to get off, but still – crossing the sea for a football match is always a novelty.

Its bloody miles away but I’ve got a soft spot for Merthyr who are also fan owned. And there’s a shop in the towns market that just sells Welsh cakes. I hired a van last time to bring hundreds back.

Looking at the National League and apart from Oxford who will probably end up in the north – its seriously tight with 14 clubs still in the relegation mix. It would be funny if Dorking got relegated and everyone likes to get vertigo in Woking's big stand but really its got to be Maidenheads time to finally take the tumble and treat us to some proper festive derbies that we’ve seriously lacked recently.

I never got to visit Yeovil's new ground which is a shame as they still look nailed on to go up. I also want to salute our quick thinking management team who gave Yeovil fans the chance to go behind the goal in the second half. There was lots of complaints from their supporters that they couldn’t see in the first half and we’ve gone to quite a few places this season where we’ve felt like second class citizens. It meant for one of our biggest ever home league crowds there was a cracking atmosphere even if the game was more a war of attrition. From playing Sunderland to now Slough Town as they say, but Yeovil turned up in numbers and fair play to them. Perhaps they were only here for the Mars Bars?

Like Slough they have travelled up and down the leagues which does give you an opportunity to visit new places and meet new friends – and hopefully wave goodbye to a few waterloo ones who crossed you off their Christmas card list a long time ago.