A GARDEN OASIS AMONGST THE MADNESS

 

To be printed in the FA Trophy 2nd round match v Chatham Town Saturday 16th November 2024

Why do we fall for snake oil salesmen over and over again?

Why do we vote for politicians who spout meaningless slogans and snappy soundbites MAKE CHEESE GRATE AGAIN That spend all their time pointing their finger and shouting that if we just rid of those people over there, then we will all be bathing in milk and honey (the people pointing the fingers are always, already bathing in plenty of milk and honey).

I was pondering all this and the fact that I can’t do much about it last week, and that all we can really change is the immediate places around us.

I also maybe stupidly think the impossible is possible. Our community pub is an example of something that shouldn’t really exist and another is our community garden set up years ago by a group of friends.

This year its the 30th anniversary of Moulsecoomb Forest Garden, our little garden oasis which has grown from a half abandoned allotment site into a wildlife haven that supports adults with learning disabilities and children struggling in mainstream education. As well as home for wildlife who have taken up residence but ungratefully scoff half the food we grow and badgers that have even learnt how to build bridges while digging the place up looking for worms.

Being good neighbours we have also helped transform the surrounding area. We’ve breathed new life into the neglected woods, came up with a management plan for the old farmers field behind the woods; the train station has got a bee and butterfly bank and we regularly do rubbish sweeps and collect all the leaves which we turn into compost. Because if a place looks loved and looked after it’s less likely to be trashed.

We are part of the team that has helped transform Moulsecoomb Primary schools grounds where we’ve planted hundreds of trees; there's an orchard, wildlife ponds, chickens, veg gardens and replica pre historical houses, ….a place for children to thrive and learn and play at a school where 65% get free school dinners. In the most recent OFSTED report inspectors said “Gardening activities boost pupils’ mental health and well-being, giving pupils opportunities to proudly develop their impressive school grounds further.”

For many of the pupils we work with, the only qualifications they will get will be from us. Being around for so long, we have built up relationships with families that go back years and means we can contact those families that often don’t fill in the forms, make sure their children don’t miss out, and step in when there are crises.

As one head told us “Since working at Moulescoomb Gardens, H has shown a complete change in both his maturity and the way he responds to both adults and students. The mentoring and 1-1 support provided has not only improved his confidence, but also his skillset. Without this programme, this student would be excluded from education"

While the idea of the garden is to grow food for many of the adults with disabilities that come along its much more than just that.

‘Coming here is therapeutic. If I didn’t come here, I would feel more alone.’

‘I like coming here for the friendship and banter. If I didn’t come here, I would be laying about and my health would suffer. Being out in the fresh air is makes me feel good.’

‘I have been coming 20 years I really like the people. I like being out in the community even though there’s not a lot I can do because of my disability.’

That’s not to say our little haven isn’t immune from the outside world. Money is always tight and we can’t help but notice less bees, butterfly's and insects. And I can’t remember the last time I saw a hedgehog. Mind you, we have got plenty of badgers. And slugs. You’re welcome to them. As the climate has warmed up there’s now a lack of frosts that would kill of the bugs, and the never ending rain that fills up our water tanks but soaks the soul as well as our socks.

We need more politicians who help us make the impossible possible. And we all need green spaces to keep us sane. I'm counting our 3G pitch and the dulcet tones of the One Slough Beyond Orchestra as a place to come together, forget your sorrows and create somewhere better. It’s much more fun than always pointing that finger of blame.

Take a peek at what we do https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eingys9NJeM&t=7s

APOCALYPSE SLOUGH

Printed in the National League South game v Dorking Wanderers programme Tuesday 12th November 2024  We won 3-2 in front of 1047

At last Saturdays game Alan ‘specialist subject Slough Town’ Smith presented me with the first ever programme at Wexham Park. On the Supporters Trust Facebook page Gary Attrell put “Can't believe it's 50 years ago today November 2nd 1974 that I went with my Dad to watch Slough Towns first ever game at their new Stadium 'Wexham Park'. Slough played Sutton United in a FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round match winning 1-0. I remember being a very happy 12 year old.” Gary then went onto make some Slough Town FA Cup history himself, didn’t he Millwall?

My first ever match at Wexham Park was a few years later at the age of 11 when my dad took me and my brother to see Slough Schoolboys Under 15’s play Liverpool in the FA Youth Cup Final. Somehow eight thousand people squeezed into Wexham Park – which unsurprisingly remained a record.

I started going too games the following season and while the matches remain foggy I do remember a lot of queuing at half time at the sweetshop Leigh Hunters nan ran. I got the bug (and tooth decay) and the next season I persuaded my parents to get me a season ticket for Christmas in August for just £12. I used to cycle up Northern Road to ‘help’ with clearing up and improving Wexham Park on Sundays, and at some point me and my mate Wise managed to convince our parents that we should go to an away game. So Carshalton in the FA Cup it was. I can’t remember the score, just being excited sitting in the sun on the grass banks – although the late, great Chris Sliski told me in later years my dad had warned him that he better look after us!

I used to love the away games more – and still do. Being one of the first to be picked up by the coach outside the long gone George Pub on the Farnham Road I would stare out the window and wonder why everyone wasn’t going to football – and still do!

This was also the era of Terry Reardon being manager. The whole Reardon extended family used to go to games, and I had a crush on his daughter. A girl who liked football and whose dad was manager, was almost too perfect. The only flaw in the plan was she didn’t feel the same way about me!

When I started playing football for Crusaders – playing in the very loose sense of the word - we trained at St Joseph's School, and afterwards would go en mass to Wexham Park. We were coached by two Slough players, Brian McDermot and Joe Maloney. McDermot ended up with a spell at Arsenal and managing Slough. I certainly can’t remember many of those matches either, as the gossip and the mass football on the training pitches usually took precedent.

When we reached the dizzy heights of the Conference, we started to produce a football fanzine ‘Rebels without a Clue’ which let’s just say, pushed the envelope. Eventually the club banned it from sale inside the ground after we printed a letter that was rather abusive to our local Conservative MP. This sparked a mass debate in the local papers and was even picked up by a few national papers.

Then it all started to unravel. We were kicked out the Conference for financial reasons, lost Wexham Park and became homeless for 15 years.

Ironically despite all that history, I never had that much love for the ground but understand when you build memories with a place you start to cherish and miss it. It certainly had more character than most new grounds. I mean where else would you get a tea bar bang next to mens urinals. Never did trust the tea being served from there.

I like to get to ‘home’ games early and took a stroll down the High Street on that 50th anniversary to jog some memories. But blimey. The bus garage still charred, the old College just piles of rocks, the Queensmere half shut and most of the major brands gone. Destination shopping location it ain’t. As someone who feels that without places for people to meet, we are doomed, there’s still cafes left at the bottom half (but oh I miss the most misnamed cafe ever The Classy Touch) but it’s a pub apocalypse. How and why has the Rose & Crown been left to fester? How do you even get into the Alpha with all those bins piled up outside? The Rising Sun is now just a buddleja farm while so many others are closed and unrecognisable. Even by the unofficial home and new lease of life Wheatsheaf was an abandoned car and piles of rubbish.

So what’s the solution to the state of the place?

The answer is staring us in the face. Slough Town couldn’t continue to punch above its weight if its wasn’t for so many people pulling together to support their club. To put in the volunteer hours to a place where they feel at home and where memories and good times are being made.

As for Slough – the town. Well the council is one step beyond bankrupt but its not just about more street cleaners but about people having pride in a place that can turn things around. Living in Alpha Street with my dad 40 years ago (well he lived more in the Alpha Arms) a few of us set up a residents group Herschel Village which represented the back of the high street. We made a rule that instead of continually moaning about dog poo and parked cars we would come up with a positive action at every meeting. We did everything from litterpicks and road safety. We helped the Herschel Park regeneration, we got a group of derelict houses converted into housing association flats. And a whole lot more. But probably most importantly we met our neighbours. We worked together and had a laugh.

We can shout at politicians and we can moan about the council. We can get hard working councillors on board, but in the end its about people coming together to make a difference that does it. And so ends my manifesto for a tidier Slough the Town and a life lived less miserably. 

SPOTLIGHT ON SUPPORTERS TRUST BOARD MEMBER NICOLA BRYANT

 

Printed in the National League South game v Bath City Tuesday 5th November 2024  We won 3-0 in front of 612

With the increasing number of women at Slough Town games and across football I chatted to Nicola Bryant, long term supporter, volunteer and Supporters Trust board member.

Tell us a bit about yourself

"I’m a Nursery Lead in a local school and am passionate about my job. And I'm a lifelong football fan and season ticket holder at Slough Town FC along with Dad and brothers. Single parent to two amazing daughters aged 16 and 11 who also share the love of Slough Town FC .”

Tell us about your different roles at the club

“I began volunteering 2 seasons ago helping with the tombola stall and other events during match days. I then joined the Slough Town Supporters Trust Board last season which involves supporting further at home games i.e. regularly selling 50:50 tickets to help raise funds for the Trust. I attend board meetings and help to make important decisions on how the Trust and its members can further support the growth of the club.”

Why did you get involved? What do you like about being a Slough supporter?

“I wanted to become more involved as the club was a life line for me during a difficult period. I first began attending games with my kids more regularly and the club and the people here are a community and it's a special place to be a part of! My Dad has volunteered for many years and so I made the decision to apply to join the Supporters Trust Board and volunteer more in order to play a small part in supporting the club in a variety of ways. It has been a pleasure to get to know some of the Slough Town family more through volunteering and am proud to be a fan of Slough Town FC! The atmosphere at home games especially towards the end of last season with increased numbers and the home unbeaten run has been amazing to see!”

It's really noticeable over past few seasons the growth in women's support at the men's games – why do you think this is?

“I find this a difficult question to answer as I've always been a football fan. I even had an article published in a men's football magazine when I was about 11 or 12 asking why there is such a stigma about women and girls not knowing anything about men's football 😂 I think the success of the England Lionesses winning the Euros and the men's increasing success in the past few Euros and World Cups has possibly also helped to peak girls and women's interest in football further. I also think Slough is a family orientated club which encourages people of all ages to want to attend.”

We've had some terrible away day experiences – what do you think could be done to improve facilities for women and girls

“The first thing that springs to mind is improving the condition of the toilet facilities! Some of the away grounds we have attended have a lot to learn about cleanliness! Bromley away last season being a prime example of that!”

Looking forward to the season? How do you think we will do?

“The progress made last season and the fact we were so close to a play-off spot shows the huge impact Scott and the team have made to the club and long may that continue! All of the work being put into the club both on and off the pitch means we are no doubt in for another exciting season! I think the team Scott has put together will result in us pushing for a play-off spot again.”

Anything to say about the Slough Ladies team now they've been promoted

“I think its great to see the Slough Ladies team gain promotion and wish them all the best for the season. The Ladies team is another fantastic part of what makes this club truly special.”

f you want to join the Trust or find out more about what they do, you can chat to Nicola on matchdays or go to https://www.sloughtownsupporterstrust.com

**

So what does the Trust do?

The Slough Town Supporters Trust work closely with Slough Town Football Club to represent supporters best interests. Additionally, supporting and promoting development of the club at all levels within the wider community and making football accessible to all. Volunteering, fundraising as well as supporting local charities and youth development are also key objectives for us. We provide a number of social media platforms for supporter interaction as well as planning coaches to away games. The 50/50, Golden goal, Xmas raffle, sponsored walks as well as extensive Trust membership benefits are some of our activities.

BANNED WORDS AND RED CARPETS

 

Printed in the National League South game v Truro City Saturday 2nd November 2024 We drew 1-1 in front of 866

I recently went to support a young lad I know who was in court for saying some words on twitter. Words that just a few months earlier had banned by the FA. So when he tweeted after Brighton v Chelsea to his 50 followers with the hashtag #rentboys it set in motion a drawn out court case by the Football Association.

Like all our public services, the courts have been starved off resources so it took 14 months. In the meantime he was banned from watching Brighton, which he had done home and away with his dad for years and missed their European tour.

In the end it boiled down to this – did he know what it meant? He had argued from the very beginning he didn’t – and neither did any of his friends, my eldest who used to join him at away games, being one of them. He just copied what we heard on the terraces. The solicitor from the Football Supporters Association asked the judges if they had teenage children and did they know what all the phrases they used meant? After a short deliberation the case was thrown out. I didn’t even know the origins of the chant until afterwards in the pub when some older Brighton supporters gave us the background. So just what did the court case achieve? The solicitors had argued all along it should have been dropped and he should be sent on some awareness course like you get with speeding. Even the Brighton football police said they didn’t want to bring charges.

And if you look at the cesspit that is twitter, listen to the rhetoric of some politicians, read the tabloid press….well there’s some double standards going on here. And if it wasn’t for how useful it is for football I would delete the app from my phone.

What is and isn’t acceptable is a minefield. At a recent home game one of the young lads behind the goal asked me what words were illegal to sing. I assumed he meant swear words so I told him that there was one in particularly where you would get the wrath of Clubshop Sue and others if you said it. And in anycase shouldn’t we just behind the team and cheer them on? Yes, the opposition might wind us up, the referee might make – in our eyes - a bad decision but surely its better to support rather than jeer? Just read the programme notes or listen to aftermatch commentary from our players that our support helps spur them on. And if we want to attract new supporters with young families I’m sure they would rather their children bang a bin or play an instrument rather then hear bad language.

And I'm so bored of talking about stewards who far too often create the problems they are meant to stop. When without fail, opposition supporters praise our support, our behaviour, our numbers and that we are no trouble – and in places like Eastbourne and Aveley we now have beers with their head stewards! Football, as Clubshop Sue points out, should be fun. ‘Best fans to come to Woodside. Brang numbers, noise and no aggro which we love. Can’t wait for the reverse fixture.’

Maybe we should just bring the Slough Town wheelie bin to away games so the stewards can stop moaning?

* * * 

It seems a hell of a lot has happened since the last time we were at home. At just 36 Scott Davies managed his 100th game. Scott sets the tone for the club just like a head does at a school. He’s fair and often praises the opposition. He also says that in his 11 years in the National League South this is the toughest its ever been. We’ve got a small 16 player squad and sometimes there’s decisions like Matt Lench being released that we aren’t going to like. We were unlucky at Woking – especially not getting food poisoning - but getting a draw away to full time Maidstone is a decent return. Nearly coming back from 4-1 down against Worthing...it was the sort of attack minded front foot football we have come to expect and which I love and which many of the Worthing fans did too (not sure if they would have been as complimentary if we had equalised!).

So bearing in mind how the tough the league is, you’ve got to salute what Truro did last season staying up...playing 100 games in 12 days hundreds of miles away from Cornwall. With a new ground and decent support, they are showing just what they are about.

Lower league football is flourishing. So let’s not just become a carbon copy of what many people have stepped away from. Infact I think Slough Town have developed a blueprint of how we treat everyone. Getting the basics right with cheap deals to get people in, decent food and friendly stewarding, clean toilets and welcoming away fans like you would your mum and dad. In a world where everyone wants to shake a fist or blame someone else it’s refreshing and makes me proud to say that Slough Town are happy to roll out the red carpet to everyone. Just not on the Arbour Park pitch.

FROM ROYALTY TO RUBBISH

 

Printed in the National League South game v St.Albans City Tuesday 22nd October 2024  We drew 2-2 in front of 730

So what have we learnt from this years FA Cup adventure? Chichester is a Diocese, Chathams a friendly town where everyone sounds like they’re from Slough and Woking? Well it has random statutes in the High Street and you are allowed to elbow people in the head before you score a goal.

It also came to pass that replays are for only for lower pond weed football clubs. This is because there are too many games for league teams and it’s given them a migraine. Which is why they have introduced the National League competition, the Champions League Matrix and the Vic Nasal Spray Cup to ease congestion. 

Once again we were treated to some good old National League hospitality. If you want to stand at Woking there’s no cover, no bar, hot food that’s cold, squeezy cheese from a bottle and even worse toilets that look like said squeezy cheese has been sprayed over them. All yours for £18. Infact there’s a proscribed list for away fans that dictatorships would be proud of. As for the disabled toilet this was through a dilapidated gate, over some gravel and oh, mind the hosepipe. The very essence of accessibility.

Nick the Trumpet was escorted by Chief Steward 007 back to his car to put his illegal weapon away. Clubshop Sue wasn’t allowed her umbrella despite the rain threatening to mess up her hair. 'It's against the rules'. But how about dirty toilets and uncooked food being against the rules?

In contrast Chatham gave us a great away day and welcomed the Rebel Rabble with open arms. It felt like a club on the up. Infact the only hostility we got was a Percy pig sweet thrown at us. Even then, at the end of the game a sorry looking lad apologised for that. The first pub we went in and the landlord said his mum and dad used to run the Merrymakers in Langley! One bloke said he went to one game in the not so distant past where there were 24 people, now crowds averaged nearly a thousand last season. They have a decent clubhouse both sides of the ground, youngsters in club colours, TV’s everywhere and a stand that we would like to steal one dark night when no one was looking. You could see the game, the acoustics were spot on and as for the sounds from the sticks. It felt like being in our old oil drum bashing band Oi, Leave It Out. Like playing in the Albert Hall. Not that we ever played at the Albert Hall more like the old Prince of Wales (now a McDonalds) and manky squats in London (now probably renovated and worth millions). Maybe we will get a blue plaque?

What also became apparent was that the Slough youngsters are taking over with the songs, noise and atmosphere. If the crowd was good at Chatham, it was off the scale at Woking where we had our biggest away following since that famous win at Kings Lynn with at least 400 + Rebels making the trip.

After our Aveley pitstop in Rainham, Spreadsheet Stu has now got a taste for workingmens clubs, the trick is getting in. Thanks to a friendly phone call the night before they let me into the Woking Railway Athletic Club after the manager looked me up and down and said I didn’t look like trouble – apart from those piercings! It was bustling at 11.30 and had everything you would expect including home made rolls, pints for £3.25 and a meat raffle.

Next stop was the Sovereign where half the away coach and more Rebels had descended. The pub was where Woking Football Club held its first meeting in 1887 to announce that the the town now had a football club. It was then called the Railway Hotel. They also used to be nicknamed the Cremators which sounds like a ska band featuring a trumpet which was no doubt confiscated.

Matchdays are now a catwalk when you’re with Alan Brown with his flamboyant bespoke shirts. He even had women chasing him up Woking High Street asking about his top like some Benny Hill sketch. As we left the Sovereign and made our way through gardens and Westfield Football Club, woman swooned, the rain stopped and the sun came out.

And so our FA Cup adventure ended with a fuming Scott Davies and even their stewards asking how we didn’t win the game. I wish Woking – and Bromley – nothing but relegation and sorrow. And getting 007 to crawl on his hands and knees and scrub those toilets as part of his hospitality challenged punishment. Sorry, but thems the rules mate.

POLITICS ON THE EDGE

 

Printed in the National League South game v Tonbridge Angels Saturday 5th October 2024  We won 3-1 in front of 1202

Scott Davies recently gave an indepth interview into life as Slough Towns manager. What really came across was the effort and hours he puts in. The preparation on teams we face, the endless phone calls, the attention to the detail. Then all of this hidden work comes down to ninety minutes on the pitch; a moment of brilliance, a silly mistake, an injury to a key player, that can decide a game and pile pressure on those at the top if their team starts losing more than they are winning.

The further you go up the football tree the more this intensifies. Just look at the recent Man City-Arsenal game descending into a bubble of rage that ends up as conspiracy theories on how their teams were slighted. Some people seriously need to get a life.

I’m really not into conspiracy theories – I know we are all trying to make sense of a chaotic world; that things get hushed up, real issues get ignored, powerful people and organisations get together to try and get their way. 

When I sometimes catch the news it’s just small, easy to digest soundbites that give me no idea of what’s really happening, but seem to want to put us in a permanent rage or even worse, a sense of powerlessness. Social Media is even more toxic, where people scream away in their echo chamber. If only the world was as black and white.

So ladies and gentlemen I give you books, where you are given time to understand and properly digest a subject. And for the best insight into the way our country has been run, you’d be hard pressed to find a better book than Rory Stewart's ‘Politics On the Edge.’ Stewart is hardly an establishment outsider – after going to Eton and Oxford, he served as a soldier, a diplomat in Iraq after the war, a charity relief specialist in Afghanistan and became a Harvard professor - but he definitely thinks outside the box.

Stewart joined the Conservatives, stood for the rural constituency of Cumbria and became an MP. Part of that journey was literally taking a journey that involved walking relentless miles that make up the vast constituency to talk to people. And that’s where his strength lies. People warmed to his willingness to get involved and once elected, he morphs into an archetypal local MP. Fighting against fire station and cinema closures, and pushing for better broadband and for more local investment, helping individuals out when the state goes into computer-says-no mode. Reading this book you realise that backbench MPs have a lot less power than people think but can be most effective supporting local campaigns – infact he realises that it’s people coming together to make a difference that is key.

But he also quickly realises that you have to toe the party line when the Chief Whip tells the new intake of MP’s – to vote on your conscience was to be a fool and ensure you were never promoted to be a minister.

Stewart also puts in the miles to understand his ministerial briefs - everything from flood response and prison violence, engaging with conflict and poverty abroad as a foreign minister, and Brexit as a Cabinet minister. And during all this Stewart learned first-hand how profoundly hollow our democracy and government had become.

As Lord Hennessy put it “Cronyism, ignorance and sheer incompetence ran rampant. Around him, individual politicians laid the foundations for the political and economic chaos of today. Stewart emerged battered but with a profound affection for his constituency of Penrith and the Border, and a deep direct insight into the era of populism and global conflict.”

The book is a must read for those who want to find out how things work. It’s enlightening, riveting and painful, exposes the glaring inadequacies of the dysfunctional way in which Britain is governed.

But I also got a lot of positives from it. We all like to blame the council, the boss, the government, when things don’t go our way. And often you’d be right. But I take the view, that if we want change then we don’t ask but we make our neighbourhoods better places by getting involved. If our local park is a tip, organise a litter pick and campaign for better play equipment. Open a pub that is more than just a pub but a community centre that delivers lots of different activities (really easy, I know). Lets get involved in our local football club. As Stewart says in the book ‘The more inert, depressing and shallow Parliament and government seemed, the more I was drawn to the truth and potential of local communities.’

As for Slough Town. With the council in a financial death loop, the club are in a unique position. A moment in time where they can really shine as one of the key players in the town. Although they shouldn’t replace essential statutory services, the signing of the 50 year lease means the club has a massive opportunity to make Arbour Park work not just for the football club but to make a massive difference whatever is happening in government. Yes of course we all want to win football matches, but let’s also celebrate our club as the place to bring people together.

Right, I’m off to my local bookshop.

* Rory Stewart ‘Politics on the Edge’ published by Jonathan Cape. Support your local bookshop rather than Amazon You can also listen to him on ‘The rest is politics’ podcasts co-hosted with Alastair Campbell.

IS THIS A DIOCESE

 

Printed in the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying round replay v Chichester City Tuesday 17th September 2024  We won 2-1 in front of 519

The FA Cup has given me some of my best Slough Town memories. 3-1 down to Reading then scoring two injury time goals to get a replay. Beating Paul Mersons Walsall when we were homeless. Sutton in a penalty shoot out replay in the rain.

I missed the Millwall game as I was working. Apparently some local lad called Gary Attrell won it for us.

In fact my first ever Slough away game was against Carshalton in one of the qualifying rounds. I can’t remember the score.

So while Slough were still playing friendlies, the competition began and I had to get in on some extra preliminary action. Bexhill was my first destination, its art deco art centre and 1920’s mock Tudor grandstand by the sea calling me. Except they share with the cricket so the game was moved to Hailsham which wasn’t quite so tempting.

So Eastbourne United Association it was then. I’ve been to Borough and Town; time to add United to this non league three teams town (there used to be four until Shinewater merged with United).

As a supped my pint in a boozer across the road from their Oval ground I was told that due to redevelopments the game had been moved to Newhaven. Oh fiddlesticks.

So a two hour round trip to see nothing, ending up back in the middle of town during Pride weekend where Brighton feels like Glastonbury without the mud or tents but hit by a million glitter balls.

The next cup game I was away in Hay-on-Wye but my FA Cup antennae sniffed out Malvern Town V Cleethorpes Town.

And now the Rebels were entering at the 2nd Qualifying round.

Chichester away was perfect. A new ground for everyone and just 50 smug minutes on the train for me. I’d visited the cathedral before for a meeting when we inadvertently went into the front room where the Archdeacon was watching TV. He looked as startled as us.

I arrived early and found a cafe amongst the cathedrals, churches and fancy cake shops. The diocese – which basically means district - is one of the largest in the Church of England, stretching nearly 100 miles.

Slowly the place started to fill up with Rebels – with large queues at the turnstiles and even larger at the bar.

Since Chichester merged with another local club briefly becoming City United they’ve progressed up the leagues, done up the ground and are now an Isthmian Premier League side. They even reached the second round proper recently after Bury went bust and they got a bye.

There were no signs showing your where to get to the football ground – apparently the local council won’t allow it.

A decent crowd of nearly 500 meant it was quite hard to see anything, but Chichester took the lead and held on until the 55th minute. Then in the 88th minute we scored again. Or maybe we didn’t. I was right behind the goal and it didn’t seem to cross the line, like some optical illusion. If we couldn’t tell standing right behind the goal, how hard was it for the match officials to know? Then in added time Chichester evened things up for a replay back at Arbour Park.

It seems ridiculous to scrap FA Cup replays in the so called proper rounds but not the qualifiers. If anything I would scrap the qualifying round replays and keep the proper round ones. Who would want to miss our trips to Grimsby and Reading ? These replays have also been a financial lifeline for many clubs – Exeter said it saved them from financial ruin when they drew with Manchester United. But we know us smaller teams don’t matter in the scheme of things.

As for Slough once again in these early rounds we got a get-out-of-jail card. I would love us to get to the 3rd round. We hold the unwanted record of getting to the 2nd round the most times of any club in the country but never reaching the 3rd.

I wonder if we would ever get that monkey off our back as I scratched my head and wondered if anything rhymes with Diocese. I pray there is.

ITS RAIN (HAM) MEN

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hemel Hempstead Saturday 7th September 2024  We finally lost at home after a year. 1-0 in front of 1203

                                           photo by TJRimages 

If there was one game not to miss it was last Saturdays momentous one against Weymouth where the Rebels secured victory and with it a year without losing at home.

Yet miss it I did as I was seriously geographically challenged in Wales at a place where the most common cause of death is a book falling on your head.

I studied the timetables and pondered the logistics but really this was too far to get to Slough and back without anyone noticing. I bought the local papers for some county league action but even those footballing gods were against me. I had no choice, I jumped on the rural bus Express hurtling through villages like Clehonger and Nantyglasdwr all the way to Hereford. Then on a Paddington train and headed to the hills. Should I fall asleep and explain to my missus that I didn’t wake up till Reading?

I alighted at the most scenic train station in the country. If you’re looking to make a period drama I’ve found the place. Malvern Town v Cleethorpes Town in the FA Cup 1st Qualifying round. I couldn’t find a pub but I did find a tree full of ripe figs and a box of cooking apples at a bus stop urging me to take them home. Normally I would oblige and they would end up as crumble at our pubs seniors lunch club but I was already weighed down with the sadness of missing the Slough game.

The last time I was near these parts was the Castlemorton Free Festival but best to keep that quiet. So I bought a programme and admired the one developed side of their ground with smart new stand and clubhouse with each table emblazoned with their badge. The only thing missing was showing the football rather than endless TVs of cricket.

As Malvern missed a host of chances and we headed towards a replay, I wondered how this round trip of 7 hours for part time players on a Tuesday night was ok but in the proper rounds of the FA Cup (like this one was somehow improper) have been abolished. Then I read that the League Cup has been seeded and really with my Brighton season ticket now binned, the Premier League and its narcissistic self obsession could do one.

A decent crowd of 391 saw Cleethorpes mount a last minute smash and grab winner. I then had to muster all my restraint not to hit the bin next to me in joy as news that the Rebels had achieved something special. And top of the league to boot. This was all tempered by finding out that the last bus to Hay on Wye had left at 6pm so an expensive taxi it was back to Wales.

It might be geographical bias but I often want clubs that are a pain to get too relegated or promoted. Or are just plain rude (Here’s looking at you Waterloogedville). Aveley we’re certainly on this list – too many train changes then a taxi from Rainham to the middle of nowhere.

Rainham is a funny old place. As you come out of the station with its dominating church, you can imagine what it looked like as a village but now surrounded by boarded up pubs, chicken shops and tiny new builds.

We were drinking in a not particularly nice boozer when Spreadsheet Stu came up with a plan to circumvent this cultural desert – where even the war memorial had a boarded up window and the football club has long gone. We walked along the High Street until we came to a forlorn sign announcing the Cauliflower. That’s a pub I could get my teeth into but sadly all that was left was the sign and it was now a curry house.

We approached the seafood stall and asked if we could get into Rainham Working Mens Club. In a flash it was sorted. ‘We don’t get no trouble or drug dealing in here, the regulars would sort them out’ we were told as we signed in. Looking around I didn’t doubt it. We were then given tours by proud members. The place was cavernous with two massive bars, snooker hall, pub garden, and a football pitch for two of the clubs teams. Maybe a phoenix Rainham Town could play here?

This place like so many across the country acts as a fixed point in a sea of change. Where people feel comfortable and safe. Feel in control and listened too. I hope they prosper and encourage new people, cos these are the community spaces that make such a massive difference. And I know I bang on like the pub bore, but if we keep heading to Wetherspoons then these places will become fewer and fewer.

Now stewards are often my nemesis, especially those that have developed a love for something you put rubbish in, taking it as a personal affront when you use it temporarily as a musical instrument. Haven’t they heard of the band Stomp? Or getting a life? Not at Aveley. Last years friendly steward John was there to greet us, shaking hands with everyone and telling us we were his favourite fans as he wheeled the biggest bin ever for us to hit. It only seemed right to buy him and his lad a drink. We won comfortably and headed to the top of the league. Blimey. What a difference a year makes.

I’ve crossed Aveley off my want-to-be-relegated list. Thankfully Eastbourne Borough and Worthing are just around the corner. And I’ve enjoyed watching travelling Rebels struggle how to get to see-you-in-an-hour Chichester. Even a geographically challenged doughnut like me couldn’t miss these ones.

And finally….if a photo sums our club up was the one at the end of the Weymouth game with players and everyone behind the goal. I might superimpose myself in. We’ve got something very special going on that so many people have worked hard to make happen. I salute you all.

WEYMOUTH HOLIDAYS AND A TRIP FOR A BALTI

 

Printed in the National League South game v Weymouth Saturday 30th August 2024 We won 1-0 in front of 889 to stay top of the league and go ONE YEAR WITHOUT LOSING AT HOME !

This is a tale of our first away day of the season, the first supporters run club in the country and a football team in Weymouth named after a curry house.

First up was Salisbury, a newly promoted club who should have beaten us in the FA Cup last season if it wasn’t for the heroics of our Cardiff loanee goalkeeper at the time.

Now I love an away day on the train but it seems train companies are doing their best to suck any joy out of travelling. ‘Success Starts Here’ read the sign as I trundled past Havant. Well, not for their lovely football team. Miss you already. But I did miss the early Saturday morning phone call from Kieran Wall asking where I was. When I got on at Southampton it was already the Sardine Express. By the time I got off at Salisbury, another 100 or so wanted to join a train busting at the seams, that would have been totally illegal if it was a building. 

So please don’t tell me about the perils of the old British Rail– our train services have already been nationalised, they are just owned by other countries rather than our own. How very patriotic. And passengers just seem an annoyance.

Even our train stations are crap – Farnham has a great independent cafe but cash only but no cash machine nearby. I remember sitting here one freezing New Years Day after a boring 0-0 draw with Salisbury. Happy Chattering Teeth New Year and all that. Southampton Central can’t cope – all the usual boring corporate brands selling weak coffee and stale croissants with massive queues for the toilets.

This journey did give me the fear when travelling with family and friends to Weymouth but to be fair the midweek journeys seem so much better.

Salisbury is a really friendly club but they’ve got a group of scumbags who’ve swallowed a Premier League songbook and a limited vocabulary swear-book. Often in situations like that, you can launch the odd song that makes others laugh and clears the air – ‘We discovered Uranus’ we sang, ‘Your just a bus stop near Stonehenge’ we joked but they kept up with their Neanderthal growling. Our supporters deserve medals for some serious restraint. A few kept offering me out, despite telling them thanks but i'm already married. The Supporters Trust quite rightly wrote a letter of complaint and its’ going to have to be segregation for that club from now on unless they show the door to a few individuals.

The ground is a good bus ride away past Old Sarum, which used to the original town, until the religious orders gave permission to relocate the cathedral to New Sarum – which eventually became Salisbury.

They wouldn’t allow a drum as the ground is slowly being surrounded by houses with some neighbours having the audacity to complain about football noise! We really need the law they have in France that says if you move to the countryside and start complaining about animal sounds or smells you are told where to go. Or in Brighton where music venues are getting protection from people who move next door then say its too loud. At the end of the game me, Wootton Bassett Steve and Ian the Shirt managed to hitch a ride back to New Sarum from one of their nice officials and drown our loss with a few beers with more friendly locals.

I missed the Enfield game cos rather ironically I was on holiday in Weymouth. A Weymouth we choose after many a visit watching the Rebels. So come on Slough the Town, smarten yourselves up – having a National League team is the perfect way to show off your wares. Canal boat tours to the ground anyone?

I’ve got a lot of time for Enfield, who we used to have some real ding-dong battles against in the old Isthmian League. They became the first supporters run football club in the country and deserve a hell of a lot of respect for that. I’ve not visited their art deco new home yet but that will have to wait another season. Everyone praised what a friendly club they were despite us leaving with a 6-1 away victory. What a time to miss an away trip made slightly better by hearing of countless Slough fans missing three late first half goals cos they went to the bar!

Still I wasn’t going without my football fix so I scrolled the local paper for some football - £18 to watch Weymouth play Chippenham – no thanks. Instead it was time for a Balti to ease the Rebel withdrawal symptoms; Balti Sports v Bridport Town Reserves in the Dorset Premier League. Or Division 11 in the footballing pyramid which is a league made up of 16 teams, half of which seem to be called Sports and the rest reserve sides.

Balti Sport are you guessed it, named after a curry house, which used to sponsor them when they formed in 2005. They play at Weymouth College who won’t pay for floodlights. I assume they won’t pay for electricity either to light up their cosy clubhouse – well more dentist waiting room, which serves hot drinks and also acts as turnstile as I parted with my £4. There’s a small stand and a wobbly iron perimeter fence that for some reason had a plastic bobbing owl tied to it. The match was slightly delayed cos they needed a goal peg but the thirty or so spectators were treated to a decent first half and it ended 5-2 to the curry boys.

The early kick off meant I scurried back to listen to Rebels Radio with special guess Lenchy enjoying our biggest away league victory for some time. Now where did I put that poppadom.