CHEWING GUM AND COBBLED STREETS

To be printed in the National League South v Dorking Wanderers Saturday 24th October 2026

We are in a hole. Stuck like some old chewing gum to the bottom of the National League South table. But come Saturday morning you wake up all optimistic that this might be the day. You jump in the shower, hunt for your scarf and iron your old Slough top. You greet Station Jim as you alight from the train and head to an Indian vegetarian cafe. The Wheatsheaf Pub quickly fills with Rebels watching football, playing the free pool, scoffing the free hotdogs, supping beer and talking as you would expect about football. Then its time for the cab to the ground for yet another must win game…

But let’s rewind a couple of weeks...

I took the international and the Slough Town knocked-out-the-cup break to save my Torquay away pennies and watch a local derby. One bus up the A270, past the Moulsecoomb estate and our community pub, past the Amex stadium home of the Albion, as Whitehawk took on Lewes in the Isthmian Premier.

Lewes really is a funny old place. A mishmash of higgledy piggledy cobbled streets, a castle and historic ruins; it oozes history from its every

pore. Their annual fireworks night is on Notting Hill levels of craziness. It’s yoga-trendy in parts with a dose or rebellion, a dash of Morris Dancing washed down with a pint of Harvey's Best.

Whitehawk on the other hand is just a bus stop near Lidl as their fans like to sing. One of the poorest estates in the country. They have ambitious plans to totally rebuild their ground which is held together with sticky tape and old discarded Withdean seats from when Brighton played their. But apart from playing the same game, that’s where the similarities end with their near neighbours - so far away financially they might as well be on the moon. At one point the owners wanted to move Whitehawk out of Whitehawk and name them Brighton City. Thankfully their supporters blocked that idea.

Lewes shot to fame when they decided to become the first and still the only club to pay their women's team the same as the mens. This was fine when the women were in the second tier and attracting large crowds. But trying to keep up with much better funded football league clubs led to relegation. Being supporter owned with no big backers to support either the women or mens side caused serious financial issues.

You enter the sunken amphitheatre that is the Dripping Pan into the Philcox Terrace, paid for by an FA cup run, which was alive to the sound of 808 Pacific State and other rave tunes. There was a fanzine on sale (the official programme is on line) and a grass pitch – had I just stepped back into the 1990s? Except this is 2026 when lower league football is having an amazing resurgence. Today's attendance nearly touched 2,000, even if youngsters with no adults try and find a way in, for the crime of being young. There’s a listed flint wall and a beautiful flower garden with ripening tomatoes, overlooked by double-headed sunflowers in one corner - no wonder this place has been voted British Football’s Greatest Ground by away fans. One of the Lewes officials said “It’s like living in a thatched cottage.”

I grabbed a beer before the queues snaked around the ground and even sat on the padded former seats originally from Wembley. Too comfortable for me. Whitehawk never really troubled Lewes and always looked second best, as the Rooks nabbed a late winner. The Whitehawk fans missed a trick not singing ‘Was this a monastery’ although my teacher friend rather pedantically pointed out that it would be more historically accurate to sing ‘Was this a Priory.’ Well quite. Afterwards we did a pub crawl before heading back home on the bus. It was nice to have a break from the worries of Slough if im honest.

If the Rebels do get relegated I hope for a miracle and be placed in the Isthmian Premier so I could selfishly get the bus to so many games and still be home in time for tea. Still that’s unlikely to happen and each defeat makes our great escape even harder as we start tentatively looking at the Southern Premier.

Back to reality….

The end of last weeks Horsham game was one of frustration. It felt like we threw the kitchen sink at them in the first half, then another sending off and an equaliser before they nicked a second half winner. We really should have taken something out of it, but when your lucks down as they say.

Sunday morning and I’m flicking through social media. Johnny Goddard posts ‘Bitterly frustrated after yesterday for obvious reasons, but the backing and support we continue to get as we try to turn our fortunate says everything.’ Our singing never stopped, never wavered, and we have to do it all the same again today. Impossible? Well Weymouth managed it a few seasons back. They had 2 points after 10 games and ended the season staying up on goal difference. Clutching at straws? It would be one way to finish off anyone with a weak heart. But it would be even worse if our supporters turned on the team, like the beginning of the season when it was so flat that I was half contemplating just going to Slough for a curry-pub crawl instead. So let’s at least try and have a laugh and continue to get behind the team and help dislodge us from the bottom of the table.

As our old mucky Kieran Wonder Wall would like us to serenade him with ‘I said maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.’ I think he meant all of us, collectively working together to scrape off that gum.

DEVON HEAVEN

 

Printed in the National League South game v Horsham Saturday 17^th October 2026. We lost 2-1 in front of 703. We remain bottom of the table.

Everyone loves a trip to Torquay. It’s one of those football awaydays where you need to make a weekend of it. And Slough supporters do that and then some. I always go thinking we probably won’t come here again as surely they will get promoted. Their ground, their support, their history – they really shouldn’t be playing in what is effectively Division Six South, but here they are. Fighting it out with half the rest of this ambitious league, everyone trying to outspend and out foreign investor each other for a place in the promised land.

As you trundle along on the train, even the soil changes colour and you start entering a world of picture postcards. The AFC Wimbledon fans on their early morning trip to Plymouth said it was certainly more picturesque than going to Grimsby. Or Slough for that matter, and I reminded them of the time they beat us 9-0. Our worst season for points and goal difference in our history. We got clapped off by their fans and Hayden the Womble for our non stop singing and everyone seemed to want to buy us a drink in the bar afterwards. Would have been rude to say no.

My sightseeing was rather limited this time round, unless you count the seafront bus to the cheap-as-chips hotel and staring out of pub windows, curry houses and their lovely ground. James the Cowboy Boot got an upgrade to his room cos he knew one of the maids. Of course he did. Then Deano, Rick the Shutters and Andy the Plumber finally arrived and after some hotel bar beers we jumped in a taxi. Characters. Who doesn’t love 'em and we got a right one with this driver. A former roofer from Manchester he spent a couple of stretches in Strangeways for football violence and was now enjoying a more calmer life driving cabs.

Next up the pub by the ground. Torquay fans have always been good as gold, happy to chat football, even when on that one rare occasion we won here. There were protests out the ground, not cos we won, but because of their owners, who finally left with the manager that very same weekend. Always a drama following Slough.

We’ve eventually piled into their ground, where you can now bring in drinks to washdown your vertigo pills. It’s a steep £22 to get in and a steep view at the top of the stand, but it is very panoramic. Even our loane Leicester keepers mum and dad were there; he was injured but we managed to serenaded him on their phone. Alfie spent most of the game gaffer taping the drum – I think we need to set up a go fund page cos its now more tape than skin

We weathered a ropey 10 minute spell and then started playing some decent football without creating too many chances. And then the unbelievable happened - we scored a goal and went 1-0 up thanks to a penalty. That joy was short lived as they equalised two minutes later, but despite being a man down after a late first half red card, we were the better team. Eventually we run out of steam and Torquay racked up the goals. From afar it looked like another Slough capitulation. It was anything but. We didn’t stop singing and we clapped the team off, proud of their efforts. And then the inevitable started.

People who weren’t at the game started moaning. I mean football fans moaning isn’t exactly new - Torquay fans were doing it and they won 5-1 (mind you, they don’t look like the Torquay of recent seasons). Eventually a few people had enough – you weren’t at the bloody game, how the hell do you know how well we did or didn’t play? Like criticising a book after just reading the back cover. Or deciding you don’t like a film after watching a clip on Tik-Tok.

I didn’t expect anything from Torquay game. If I’m honest I don’t expect anything now from this season except the trap door. That way I won’t get too fed up – and if we do survive it will be one of the best feelings in the world.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t get behind the team and see if we can pull off the great escape. There’s plenty of points still to be played for. It’s only mid October

While football fanzines and the birth of social media were great at giving everyone a voice, it doesn’t mean you need to let the world know about your every thought. Of course we can be critical when things aren’t going our way or when decisions are made that we don’t agree with, but I reckon most of those thoughts about games and players can stay between mates. Social media has become a Russian bot cesspit. A moanfest, an echo chamber of perceived grievances, an algorithm of angriness, keeping us permanently on edge and shaking our fists at the clouds. No wonder peoples mental health is in decline.

Our season wont be decided by defeat in Torquay, but by games like today. And we know, when we stick together, make some noise we can help our team. Cos that’s what a supporter does right? And if you really need to vent after the game go and walk along the canal and shout at a swan. They won’t mind. Then go to bed and read a good book. You’re feel better for it in the morning.

COMMUNITY UPS AND FOOTBALL DOWNS

 

Printed in the re-arranged National League South game v Ebbsfleet United Tuesday 29th September 2026. We drew 1-1 in front of 479

I don’t want to dwell on the football. We’ve hardly had a shot in the last two games, limped out the FA Cup and are already starting to be cut adrift down the bottom. We’ve been upwardly mobile for 13 years so this has come as a shock to the system. Or maybe not; we knew this season was going to be hard but that doesn’t make losing all the time anymore palatable. The supporters are still behind the team and managers – the youngsters, well those that can navigate how to get in – keeping up the noise. I’ve been enjoying the hospitality of the Wheatsheaf pre and post match trying to not let 90 minutes on the pitch spoil a good day out, while supporting the Great British Pub. Someone has to do it, and I don’t mind taking a beer or two for the team.

The international break gave the club the opportunity to boost dwindling crowds. A few season ticket holders had a grumble but I like the 50% off tickets and drinks deals. It certainly boosted the numbers and encouraged new people through the turnstiles.

Finances are never far away from football. Today’s opponents Ebbsfleet got themselves into a bit of a financial pickle to put it mildly and we missed out on an opening game of the season after they had their first few league games suspended. Man City have finally been charged with 114 cases of breaking the rules - which has opened up a Pandora box of conspiracy theories, counter claims and threats of court from clubs who feel this rule breaking has affected them. Football lawyers will be rubbing their hands with glee.

Behind the scenes the club have been very busy.

Sue has finally got her clubshop which also doubles as a sauna which is maybe part of the clubs well-being drive.

But the big announcement was what’s happening at the Slough rugby clubs ground in Upton Court Park. I used to love wandering round that big old park, with views of Windsor Castle, sometimes bumping into my nan and grandad walking their dog. Sometimes getting up at stupid o clock to pick shaggy ink cap mushrooms for breakfast and blackberries for tea. The place housed the legendary Slough Music Festival – the ‘Shoegaze Woodstock’ for 3 years. I hadn’t been to the old rugby clubhouse for 30 years ago but it looked on its last legs even then. At one point, when Arbour Park was just a twinkle in our former chairman's eyes, we thought it might become home for the Rebels.

Well now it has, sort off, with the announcement that Slough Town have secured a 30-year lease on Tamblyn Fields to create a Community Sports Hub.

“The development has two key objectives: to increase participation in junior football for boys and girls, and to deliver a wide range of sporting, fitness and wellbeing opportunities for people of all ages.

The Club is also exploring opportunities to introduce a range of activities beyond football, with discussions already taking place with potential padel and pickleball, catering and digital sports providers. There are further opportunities for alternative sports, a gym and a wellbeing partner.”

Ashley our CEO said:
“Our ambition is about much more than football. We want Tamblyn Fields to become a sporting destination that the whole borough can benefit from.
We would like to thank Slough Rugby Club and Slough Borough Council for their cooperation in helping us reach this important milestone. We look forward to continuing to work closely with our partners as we bring this exciting vision to life.”

Pat Hayes, Executive Director of Regeneration, Environment and Planning at Slough Borough Council, said:

“Today’s announcement is a hugely significant moment for Slough...which has historically lacked sporting facilities and has low levels of participation in sport, which contributes to the borough’s poor health outcomes. The leasing of Tamblyn Fields by Slough Town Football Club creates an opportunity for significant investment in new sporting facilities and, importantly, provides a focus for the ongoing regeneration of the borough.

“Personally, I am very proud to have been involved in helping to get this exciting project off the ground, and I look forward to seeing the benefits it can bring to Slough in the years ahead.”

This is all part of the Slough is Now vision with the football club playing a significant role. It aims to promote, regenerate and bring investment into a place that let’s be honest doesn’t get the best reviews. It’s great to see the council and football club working closely together to make a difference – this hasn’t always been the case as our homeless pleas where often met with a shrug by local councillors. There needs to be room for the rugby club to return, but this can only be a good thing for the town.

As for on the pitch, its probably good that we have a free weekend coming up for everyone to regroup while I go off in search of some less stressful county league football. Visiting a pub or two on the way of course as part of my Saturday well being strategy.

POSTCARDS FROM THE OTHER ENGLAND

 

Printed in the National League South game v Hemel Hempstead Town Saturday 26^th September 2026. We lost 2-0 in front of 923

I’m really not a holiday person. Flying somewhere that is overrun with tourists; sitting on a beach, twiddling my thumbs, watching people stuff their faces and take photos that no one will ever look at. No thanks. My idea of the perfect break is a Friday night in Torquay or Weymouth before a game. Weston-super-mare to look at the mud, an FA Cup excursion to Bedfont to watch the planes, a drink in a Salisbury pub with a severed hand in a glass case in the wall. Evocative aromas from Sutton Coldfield's clubhouse, that trolley dash in Telford, breaking my veganism in Gateshead when all I could find to eat was raisins - but didn’t that cheese toastie taste good. An early train to Slough for a breakfast curry, another delayed train to some town you would otherwise pass by. If I ever decided to go on Mastermind my specialist subject would be obscure places I have visited watching Slough.

Of course, I’m lucky my work is based at a community garden that is a green oasis – a day up there is good for the soul; well unless the slugs have eaten everything and the squirrels have nicked all the fruit and nuts.

Me and the missus once went on a short break to Bury St Edmunds, our first since our eldest was born. So imagine our surprise when we pulled up outside the hotel to find that Bury Town’s ground was nearby and they were playing Slough the following day! Just what were the odds? As we wandered round the town, she asked why two tramps were waving at us – er, cos their Slough supporters! After the game we had a romantic curry with a dozen Rebel fans. A holiday she will never forget.

I love that Friday night/Saturday feeling, the group chats about where, when and how. Then thanks to some detective work from Scott, CEO of the McNeish Media empire, I read a brilliant blog on the ‘Tales from the Paddock’ an unofficial Port Vale site that captures those away day excursions perfectly.

“The modern world is obsessed with well being. Absolutely obsessed with it. We are encouraged to slow down, practice mindfulness, reconnect with nature and find our peace. And obviously there’s nothing wrong with that. Yet every Saturday, hundreds of thousands of us voluntarily drag ourselves out of bed, hungover, at a ridiculous hour, to go and watch football.

“We travel enormous distances at significant expense to destinations you’ll never see featured in travel brochures. Lower-league football fans know England in a way few others do. Not the England of postcards and tourist campaigns, of Wish You Were Here and Judith Chalmers. Not the England of the Peak District or the Cotswolds or the Lake District, or Cathedrals and historic buildings or those places of beauty that a normal person might look to visit on a weekend. No. We go to the other England.

“The England of industrial estates and brutalist new towns. The England of concrete precincts and faded municipal ambition. Of sweeping flyovers and monolithic tower blocks. Of isolation, poverty, addiction and depression. The England of market towns reached by two connecting trains and a replacement bus service. The England of tired, bleak Victorian seaside resorts. The England of pubs serving a cheap and cheerful breakfasts at nine in the morning. The England of social clubs and beer poured into plastic pint pots; chip shops with handwritten signs promising the best Pie and Peas in town; shortcuts through piss-drenched alleyways; a sausage roll and a can of Tyskie from a Nisa Local opposite a boarded up bank.

“The England of streets that have been overlooked by the modern world, clustered around increasingly forlorn looking (but still wonderful) grounds, where washing lines hang between terraces and floodlights rise unexpectedly above rooftops like medieval church spires... Now, there is an allure to these places if you are prepared to look for it, it’s not a conventional beauty, but a determined resilience that demands our respect for those who call them home.”

I mean if that doesn’t whet your whistle then nothing will.

So now it’s the international break and if these adventures into the unknown tickles your fancy, then I highly recommend a trip to Slough the Town followed by the football. Sure there’s not a lot of sight seeing unless you like data centres, stuffed dead dogs and derelict shopping centres. And yes, the High Street isn’t going to win any beauty awards. And yes, most of the pubs have been shut. But there are just so many places to eat, with dishes from all over the world, and cheap as chips as well. So ditch that trip to Disneyland and treat the family to a lower league weekend break. You really won’t regret it.

* Subscribe to Tales from the Paddock https://portvaleunofficial.co.uk

POINTS FAILURE AT SLOUGH, NO DOUGHNUTS AT TOTTON

 

Printed in the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying round game v Chatham Town Saturday 19th September 2026. We lost 1-0 in front of 490

It’s not been the best start, to put it mildly. Seven straight defeats. Manager and assistant sacked. Fed up fans, poor home crowds, our worst start in years. Some serious points failure at Slough. But if we are honest with so much money in this league and losing Scotty Davies, we knew this season was going to be tough.

The financial disparity was illustrated at our bank holiday trip to Dagenham. Another club with lofty ambitions with the backing amongst others of KSI. Our younger supporters were excited but I hadn’t a clue who he was or what he did. Just another tedious influencer?

The financial disparity in the country was highlighted by the drinks stop in Plaistow. Me and Mark Bailey met with the West Ham massive Vinny and Mark at one of the few remaining pubs, The Black Lion. When West Ham moved out of the area so did their thousands of pre-match drinkers, highlighting how football clubs are such an important part of the economic ecosystem. The pub was a lovely old coaching inn that has had to reinvent itself while Plaistow could do with a whole lot of cash and also some serious reinvention.

KSI first gained a following by filming himself playing the computer game Fifa at his parents’ house in Watford and quickly became one of the most famous YouTubers in Britain. I really can’t get my head round people watching someone playing a game on a computer, but he’s also branched out into music, boxing, the Baller League and Prime drink. He’s obviously a smart business man but also an example of First Mover Advantage, where those with an original idea can carve out a career before the market gets swamped. Gain a competitive edge before everyone copies you.

Now he’s taken a 20% stake in Dagenham & Redbridge. “I’m excited to start this journey. It's gonna be a roller-coaster for sure but I hope to bring Dagenham & Redbridge back to the glory days. And once we reach that point, I want to go even further. Reaching the Premier League would be a dream. And I believe it is 100% doable. It will take a long time, so to the Daggers fans, please be patient.”

I’m not so sure what he means about Dagenham’s glory days. In my younger years Dagenham used to be a regular Isthmian League fixture – the massive stand that today housed the Slough fans was once a grass bank as Dagenham devoured clubs around them like a Blue Whale swallowing krill. But this Premier League rubbish; well him and his investors are going to need some very, very deep pockets just to get out of the National League. Wrexham have been there, done it and spent a fortune on the way - and helped by First Mover Advantage. As for the Daggers, well they used to play Sheffield Wednesday but are now back playing Slough.

The problem for KSI and others investing in clubs and promising the earth, is that they are seriously late to the party. There’s not a week that goes by without some club announcing foreign investment but how many are really going to do a Wrexham? Much more likely to go bust and leave the fans to pick up the pieces.

AFC Totton was a more gentile proposition to the rough and tumble of London. Slough Town’s owners worked with the Supporters Trust to put on free coach travel while I had a leisurely trip down by the coast to Southampton. Then those dreaded words flashed up on my phone. Rail Replacement. Oh the trials and tribulations of supporting Slough as I waited for over an hour for the replacement bus that forget to pick us up; with the grand old pub across the road now flats leaving me gasping with only a goods yards and a giant Lidl for company. The short trip became a torturous sardine experience. My plans for a wander round Totton, reading the local paper over breakfast then a pub crawl – all out the window. I bumped into the West Ham boys where we found a friendly and very busy local – at just £11 for 3 pints, I’m not surprised.

Now Slough aren’t the best supported team at home, but boy do we travel away. Considering we had lost seven on the spin, around 150 congregated in Totton's new stand only to be told this was for home fans only – like your old gran’s ‘Sunday best room’ only used for special occasions. Dirty Slough boots wasn’t one of those occasions, so we got moved to the side. Even worse, the doughnut stall had vanished.

Considering Totton is a stones throw from Southampton they are well supported and its a pretty friendly club. So friendly they let the Rebels have their first win of the season. We held onto a deserved one nil victory that put a spring back in everyone’s step...the perfect away day as I tried to convince Brentford fans on their way back from Bournemouth to come and watch the Rebels rather than that Premier League-VAR nonsense.

Now its the FA Cup and familiar opponents Chatham Town, a level below but full time and making great strides.

Slough hasn’t got any influencers, gamers or candlestick makers. There’s no big investors. But the club has got good people with big hearts. I feel sorry for those formerly in charge but putting two of our favourite players Johnny G and Henry with Ryan in charge was a stroke of genius. A cup run would be a very welcome shot in the financial arm and bring back more of the feel good factor, so lets make some noise like we did at Totton. I might even treat you all to some doughnuts.

ADVENTURES IN THE SOUTHERN COMBINATION

Printed in the National League South game v Braintree Town Saturday 5th September 2026  We lost 2-1 in front of 565. That's 6 straight defeats

It's too hectic at work to bother with friendlies. So my pre season warm up was courtesy of the Southern Combination League, which is mainly teams representing small towns and villages across Sussex with the odd exotic location thrown in like Guernsey and Lingfield and the mysterious Dial Square. It's the sort of league were players swap clubs like children do football stickers.

Brighton is like one of your friends who never stops partying, no matter what day of the week or what time of year. Come Pride Weekend this is turbo charged madness when hundreds of thousands join the party. Think Glastonbury minus the tents but with a million pieces of glitter covering the streets.

But I had other plans. A trip to Newhaven no less.

The football club has mirrored the small towns fortunes. Newhaven Football Club had at one point sunk to Division 3 with a massive stand that had stood derelict for over 15 years as a previous owner ran out of money before finishing it. The town centre surrounded by a large ring road was desolate and depressing.

Fast forward a few years and there's been plenty of investment – in the town and football club. Lots of sports and new facilities, cafe, new loos, community garden to add to the bowls, cricket, tennis, bike park surrounding the ground. The fort's been done up...there's even a micro-pub which is always a sign of something brewing. Still I had my eyes on the Prince of Wales, a proper back street boozer with traditional green tiling but worryingly a For Sale sign outside. The contrast to Pride couldn't be more stark. Infact I was the only customer. As the very elderly landlady grimaced at my bank card, I asked if it would still be a pub if sold and she said yes. Eventually other punters popped in, comfortable in the place like a well worn pair of slippers. We so need these spaces to survive and thrive.

After Thatcher sold off Newhaven Port, along with the rest of the countries treasure - something that is now biting us in the bum as we are fleeced for everything - the sandy beach that people had used for generations has been closed by the French owners because of the old health and safety routine. A few weeks ago, people took some direct action, busted down the gates and enjoyed the beach in the sweltering temperatures our climate now delivers. It's been made even more secure now, but really is it beyond the wit of man to give the seaside town its best beach back for families to enjoy?

As I approached the ground, children appeared from everywhere in their Newhaven kit and the crowd topped a healthy 312 who got to see a very decent end to end game. Crawley Down Gatwick looked to play the better football and were quick in defence, going a goal up within 3 minutes while Newhaven went into a back-passing-to-the-keeper loop. Things changed after the second half when Newhaven got a goal back then missed a host of very decent chances. A sub in the dug out managed to get himself sent off. Youngsters behind the opposition dugout where asked to move after giving the Crawley Down manager grief. Others had a drum, one even hit a wheelie bin. It ended 1-1 and I even got to see the obligatory ferry pull up alongside the ground. A very decent start to my footballing season.

Next up was Hassocks, which I hadn't visited since they beat Bromley in an FA Cup game 25 years ago, when Bromley were a couple of divisions higher in Ryman League Division One. I wonder where they are now?

This was a totally different Newhaven from Saturday. In your face, front footed and committed. Apart from a few last minute goal clearance scrambles i'd say they were worthy of their 3 points

Like Newhaven's ground, Hassocks has been transformed. Mind you, if i was a local garden centre i'd be checking my outdoor bench stock. Hassocks ground was littered with them. I counted 17 behind the goal alone and one had a gazebo with a family enjoying a picnic.

The grass pitch was as you would expect from a prolonged drought hard and patchy but pretty decent considering. Sports clubs can water but thanks to another successful sell off, those bills are eye watering. Still, at least some shareholders somewhere will be coining it in.

Hassocks pulled off the impossible a couple of seasons back, winning the Southern Combination Premier league with allegedly no playing budget. Unfortunately they only lasted a season in the Isthmian. The guy in the car park said he could already see the difference in quality from the Isthmian after they dismantled Lingfield 5-1 on the opening day. But they struggled at times tonight and relied on some bullet throw ins into the box to create chances.

The Hassocks chairman has obviously got his head screwed on and the ground has a flashy score board with jazzy graphics, there's even a mascot, two bars and places to eat. Its neat, tidy and the locals obviously enjoy coming here, with a crowd of 352.

Hassocks programme editors also deserve credit for brilliant copy. 'One half of your programme editing team would like to especially welcome Newhaven assistant manager Clive Blunt, who did an excellent job building my new kitchen last year' set the tone for an entertaining read.

Newhaven and Hassocks are two proper community clubs, doing things the right way. Let's hope they both have successful seasons on and off the pitch.

SOCIAL MEDIA FOR DUMMIES

Printed in the National League South game v Folkestone Invicta Saturday 29th August 2026  We lost 2-0 in front of 663

Our first two away games received 5 star ratings in the Non League Paper. Exciting? I suppose you could call them that with two impressive fightbacks, but the end results were very deflating. Especially at Hampton who hadn't scored a goal all season until they put five past us.

Dover is one of those odd places where there are so many tourist attractions you wonder how the place isn't more upmarket. Still, there are some dirt cheap proper boozers to chat with the home fans. Next away was Hampton and their big home coming; new 3G pitch and other improvements; they are even building a mini park behind the stand for little 'uns. Their surrounding area is like the old children's programme Camberwick Green. The place oozes wealth, with quirky pubs and cafes, village greens and butchers serving up meat wraps to passers by as people skip serenely to the ground. The local paper led with a Stag having to be put down after attacking someone having a picnic! The contrast to Slough High Street could not be more stark.

Their programme (which i was sold in one of the local cafes) said 'We look forward to experiencing Slough's passionate and colourful travelling support on the terraces.' And we were magnificent at the start - but it descended into bickering amongst ourselves. Where we used to all sing from the same song sheets we are currently a family in need of group therapy. Or three points.

I feel sorry for our management team. They had ridiculously big boots to fill when Scott Davies left. Decisions out of their control have exacerbated the three defeats whereas before we were more understanding of our place in this brutal league. Many have already given up hope of us escaping relegation.

And then the club announced they are clamping down on youngsters coming into the ground – massively raising prices, introducing an ID scheme and charging away fans two pounds to join it if they want to get into Arbour Park - this later measure seeing us come under hostile fire on social media.

I recently read a book about how the brain works, like you do, maybe in the hope of expanding mine. Apparently an apple a day and a MarsBar should do it. The main take I got is that teenagers are hardwired to only care about what their peers think. They have to impress their friends, and this is now amplified a million times by the social media companies. This has had tragic consequences with two police officers killed and a family seriously injured in two separate incidents by youngsters driving the wrong side of the road, making content for Tik Tok. The backlash has quite rightly been one of anger but when an Irish parliamentary committee asked TikTok to come and talk about why this content can't be banned from their platform they refused. Like the old cigarette companies refusing to acknowledge that smoking caused you any harm. Nothing to do with us guv.

I used to travel around with Slough usually on the coach when i was young. Admittedly non league was in the doldrums, crowds were small, grounds were falling apart while league football had a serious hooligan problem that put many people off going. Now football is booming, young people are turning to lower league because it is affordable. But let's be honest its not been great with constant reports of crowd trouble over the past couple of seasons. Youngsters dressed in black, giving it large seems to have evolved from the Stone Island Schooligans. It's like performative dance for doughnuts. We even had our last game of the season against Enfield segregated after the police had concerns that Slough supporters were going to be ambushed. Good luck with that one. Unless they meant ambushed by a pub.

But I really do think young people have it tough these days compared to the freedoms I had growing up. The bankers crashed the economy so we closed all the youth clubs to balance the books. Over one thousand shut their doors for good while banks got a bailout. Libraries have closed or hours reduced. Schools have become data obsessed exam factories. Every scrap piece of land where we used to play has been built on. Sure there's more activities to do, but you need parents with deep pockets to be able to take part.

I'm not into collective punishment for being young. Everyone wants to belong and young people need more not less safe spaces overseen by adults. And the irony is that clubs like Slough have an even bigger role to play now local government finances have been decimated – 51% of Slough Councils budget goes on adult and children's social care. Slough Town has seriously stepped up to help fill in the gaps with hundreds of youngsters regularly playing or engaging with the club. I love seeing Arbour Park full of people from all different ages and backgrounds, and it was a great atmosphere at our home game against Farnham Town.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but I hope lower league football doesn't becomes another place where young people aren't welcome because a small minority abuse it. It's a very fine line to tread and we must make sure that Slough Town is affordable and accessible for everyone.

And as for that poor stag?  The Royal Parks said it was alarmed to see photos and videos online showing visitors feeding and getting close to the deer, despite being told not too. This causes deer to lose their natural fear of people and start seeking food from visitors. I'm so glad Slough has become the largest collection of data centres in Europe to make sure all this useful content is stored nice and safe, while libraries are closed. Maybe it's time for a new data centre song. 

A BIT OF FINANCIAL BOTHER

Printed in the National League South game v Farnham Town Tuesday 18^th August 2026  We lost 1-0 in front of 836

Well that was disapointing. I'd polished my sticks, even eyed up a new xylophone. Then a message arrived on my phone from Clubshop Sue.

Our game was off. Ebbsfleet were on the naughty step and not allowed to kick a ball for 3 games. I'm no expert, but maybe twelve seconds before the season was about to start wasn't the best timing.

Apparently Ebbsfleet being subject to a winding-up petition by His Majesty's Revenue and Customs over unpaid debts was the final straw. The National League has also informed the Independent Football Regulator it's very, very cross and the club are now under a transfer embargo.

If Ebbsfleet were in a bit of financial bother - they have been in debt for a decade with cumulative losses of a staggering £22.8 million - which in most peoples books would count as a bit of bother, Slough were now going to take a significant financial hit. Saturdays first home game of the season would have been a big deal with a big crowd, food and refreshment sales - all now lost because of lets face it, a team who have been flying close to the wind ever since they ditched the glorious name of Gravesend and Northfleet.

To rub salt into the wound, plans for their new 8,000 seater stadium had been rejected. They are now waiting for new owners to come on board and sort out the mess.

I do feel sorry for their supporters; although supporters can also be their clubs worst enemies, demanding they overspend to keep up with the Joneses. But this also felt like Slough were being penalised. Our clubs owners have worked tirelessly to make us financially sustainable, while others in our league throw ridiculous amounts of cash at promotion. Maybe, just maybe the new football regulator will sort this out.

So twiddling my drum sticks I thumbed through the Non League Paper but none of the local FA Cup games caught my eye.

So a short bus trip to Shoreham Football Club instead who were playing Selsey. Last season Shoreham had a nightmare. Top of the Southern Combination Premier League briefly at the beginning, Saltdean United from the division below, poached their manager and some of their best players. Fast forward to April and they were relegated with just 18 points, conceding 136 goals. This relegation meant Shoreham are now too low down the pecking order to compete in the FA Cup, so this was the opening day in Division One.

Just before kick off, I asked the chairman how he thought the season would go and he replied that he didn't have a clue. Seven minutes after kick off and neither apparently did his defenders as they conceded 3 quick goals. Blimey this could be a long season. Shoreham found their feet in the second half but it finished 4-1. But I will say this. Shoreham have worked so hard off the pitch to get things right, it was a decent crowd for of 153 who didn't get on their backs and they even had a young drummer behind the goal with his mate. Very impressive for what is effectively Division 10

Players being poached is the bane of the football fan. We know money talks and we know people will move if they are offered more. I don't really blame them; if another company offered you more cash for doing the same job, wouldn't you leave? And let's be clear, there's no loyalty to players from clubs when they want to get rid.

So let's get ready to finally rumble at Arbour Park. Against a team who have been transformed by the chairman's deep pockets but also his impressive business and marketing nous. I love his honesty on football money matters. His breakdown financially and forensically how the club made £100,000 during the two play off games to get to the National League South is fascinating. Not just the revenue streams but how it was done, the thoughts and processes to make sure those who came had a brilliant time, stayed longer, spent more money – and wanted to come back again. I love the fact he asks questions on social media, talks about income and expenditure and ideas on how to help improve it. He's worked hard to get punters through the turnstiles, although obviously winning a lot helps.

I wish more clubs took a leaf out of his book. Then maybe, just maybe if football fans knew the true cost of running a football club they would be a little more understanding. Too many want to win at any cost. Unfortunately for Ebbsfleet fans that grim overspending reality is now staring them down the barrel of a financial gun.